Everyone told me, “nothing can prepare you for what you will feel on your wedding day”. And honestly, I didn’t believe them.  I had been planning my wedding since I was twelve, TWELVE! What more could I possibly know?

But as the day unfolded I was surprised, pleasantly surprised, at every turn.

The week before the wedding, I had barely slept.  I had just moved all of my belongings to San Francisco and Jonathan was starting his first week of his residency.  I have a hard time falling asleep when he’s not next to me, but this was brutal.

But the night before my wedding, I slept like a baby.  My bridesmaids and I left the rehearsal dinner after party a bit early to bond and settle into each other.  They gave me gifts and we talked about boys, summer plans and old memories-you know, just a regular slumber party sans pillow fight.  It was perfect.

On my wedding day, breakfast, hair, makeup and pictures went (mostly) on schedule, as my planner, Amanda and parents managed the arrival of all the vendors and tended to details.  My inner control freak felt a little guilty that everyone was out running around pulling all the last minute details together, while I lounged around and was “tended to”.  But I had to realize that my only job was to be calm and centered and mentally prepare myself for the big leap.

As we got closer and closer to the “big moment”, time starting slipping through my hands and before I knew it, it was go time.

One of the hardest parts of the wedding, was not being able to see my bridesmaids process.  The processional is my favorite part of weddings and we went to great care to choose the perfect acoustic-rock band, and personal songs to process to. But alas, I had to miss all of it! I wasn’t anticipating that.

When it was my turn, I felt like I was in a cloud.  Not so much floating, as not really there. It was crazy to stand at the doorway to my back porch watching 275 heads to turn to look at me.  This was my moment, and I was either going to miss it, or live it.

A few thoughts popped into my head that were taking me towards “missing it”

-       I can’t see through my veil

-       What if I trip on my dress

-       Do I look fat in my dress?

-       Am I going to cry?

-       Are my heels going to get stuck in the grass?

But thanks to my developed meditation practice I’ve learned that those thoughts are just there to distract me from my potential. I witnessed them buzz through at lighting speed and fade away into the background.

Instead, I stood on the porch and heard my brother’s wise words in my head, “Be where you are.”

And here I was, standing in my own fairytale, having EVERYTHING I always wanted and I just floated with laser sharp alertness.

The ceremony was this insane outpouring of love.  Sometimes I have issues with PDA and showing affection, but all my shyness went out the window.  We just gawked and cried through the whole thing.  And when it was time to seal our covenant with a kiss, we did NOT hold back.

After Jonathan smashed the glass, we stood under our Chuppah for almost a minute, just looking into the eyes, most of which were teary, of our most treasured friends and family.  That was by far, the coolest moment of the whole night, seeing everyone we loved, all in one place just overwhelmed with joy that Jonathan and I had found each other.

In fact, what shocked me the most was how vocal people were about how in love we were, almost like they were surprised.  And in the coming weeks some of my friends made drastic changes in their love lives.  Two of my friends broke up with their boyfriends, and one couple went into therapy.  They told us we inspired them to have a love that was better, deeper and more passionate.  To have that sort of affect on someone, to have a love that is truly inspirational is so humbling, especially given where Jonathan and I were just a few years short years ago.

After the ceremony, Jonathan and I spent 5 minutes alone to soak it all in.  It’s so easy to get swept up in the whole evening, and we were so happy we had that time to connect and ground ourselves.

Everything was going swimmingly until it was time to be introduced.  As my Dad introduced us as Dr. and Mrs. Sarah and Jonathan Brajtbord, the band, though instructed to play mellow classy music, went into full-on bad-Bar-Mitzvah-mode.

And I had my first Bridezilla moment of my entire engagement.  I was pissed.

I wouldn’t let Jonathan go on stage to that awful music, I didn’t want to parade around, wiggling to bad techno! I scowled at the band, glared at my wedding planner and luckily they cut into our first dance early.

When I sat down at our table after our dance, I was looking forward to listening to Frank Sinatra (as planned) and chatting with my bridesmaids, but the band started a Lady Gaga mash-up.  Everyone was on the dance floor and I was scowling at the table.  Not my best moment.  I snapped at my planner that the band needed to be reigned in (I later apologized) and stewed.

“What the f*ck was going on with me!?” I thought.  I took a deep breath, looked at Jonathan and he just said, “look at how much fun everyone is having.” That brought me back.  No one else knew “the plan” and the reality was that my grandmother started a congo line and the energy the Gaga mash-up created was epic.

When I look back, I realize that finding something to nit-pick was a way to bring me back down to earth.  I just felt so high, and sometimes the easiest way (though not the best) is to complain.  Once I breathed in and accepted that all of this was truly amazing, and I allowed myself to take in the full abundance of it all, I relaxed.

During dinner I had half a glass of Champagne, and not another drop of alcohol for the rest of the night.  But I felt so wasted the entire time.  I was amazed that when I truly allowed the pure bliss, excitement and happiness of the moment, you can feel drunk as a skunk without the slurring and hangover.  Just knowing that I was capable of such a natural high was a huge lesson for me.

After dinner, I reached to Jonathan to drag him on the dance floor, but he pulled me down and said, “Sarah, have you seen the flowers?” I HADN’T! I had been sitting with a gorgeous bouquet right in front of my face and didn’t even notice them.  I also didn’t notice the mismatched china, the herb garnishes, the individual menus, the s’mores being roasted on bonfires around the property.

All of these details that I have spent 13 years day dreaming about, and 18 months planning, I honestly didn’t give a shit about.  I thought to myself, what was it all for then? The time, the money the heartache?

Up until then, I thought the only reason to have a pretty wedding was to get it in a magazine.

But when I looked around and saw how much fun everyone was having, I realized that all the details made my guests feel special.  The beer in the canoe and the homemade purple cow cookies gave people a window into our lives.  Many of my guests, came up and told me, “I just feel so lucky to be here, thank for doing all of this”, “I feel so at home, like I could just move in!” and “This is so intimate, I can’t believe there are 275 people here!?”.  So even though I didn’t get to roast a marshmallow or drink the lavender lemonade, I’m glad the sum of all the parts equaled a personal and warm experience.

At 9pm I made a choice, I could attempt to have an intimate conversation with every guest (I had gotten around to 75% at cocktails) and experience every activity and detail I had planned… or I could dance.

I danced from 9pm until 4am.  Straight.

My hair looked awful, my makeup sweated off and my feet were killing me, but I just dance all night long.  It was amazing. Best.Decision.ever.

At 4am, it was time for my friends to depart, and what was once a joyous wedding turned into a heart wrenching goodbye party as we were moving to San Francisco and our best friends, who we saw on a weekly basis for 5 years, were staying in New York.

When Jonathan and I got into our vintage limo to take us to our hotel in Boston, I cried the whole way home.  And not just tears, full out sobs.  I couldn’t understand what was happening to me.  I thought I was supposed to be happy??  My physical meltdown scared me.

Was I ruining the night? Did I not appreciate the wedding?

But what was happening was just this outpouring of emotion, both ecstatically happy to be married to Jonathan and devastatingly crushed that it was all over.  Thirteen years in the making, and I was driving away from it.  Luckily, Jonathan just let me cry until there were no tears left.

We stayed up till 6am, talking and eating in bed.  I had 2 pieces of wedding cake in my pj’s.

Let me just say, that I was not immune to the pressure of having sex on our wedding night.  I didn’t want to feel like “an old married couple” just 7 hours into our marriage, but it just wasn’t going to happen.  So instead of pushing through for ceremony, I listened.

We did make love for the first time as a married couple at 11am when we woke up, it was beautiful because we waited till we wanted to, and it was totally worth skipping brunch.

Photos by :e:. Best.photographer.ever.

I mentioned that Jonathan and I never talked about marriage, and a lot of women have asked me, “How did I not freak out?”  So to answers your questions (and to give you a little advice)… I knew Jonathan wasn’t one of those guys who was going to drag it out forever.  I paid attention to his actions and words, and even though we never talked about timing, I could tell he was for real.  So if you’re panicking about your boyfriend popping the question, look at his signs for commitment.  If they’re lacking, don’t use an engagement as a way to pin him down, he’ll just continue to push back.

As a result of not speaking a word of marriage, Jonathan and I had a lot of ground to cover.  When we were dating we had one or two “hypothetical” conversations about religion.  Jonathan is Jewish and the holidays and traditions were a huge part of his upbringing.  I am just about as WASPy as you can get, and grew up attending a congregational church on a regular basis and there is no one more obsessed with Christmas than I.

I brought up the subject against his will because I had to make sure that he did not expect me to convert and give up my own traditions.  Choosing between Santa and Jonathan would’ve been a tough decision.

Luckily, it was an easy conversation (though slightly awkward as we had not talked about kids before) and we agreed that raising kids as “both” Christian and Jewish was the best way to go.

But when we got engaged we realized we really had no idea how faith was going to fit into OUR lives as a couple.

We ventured where very few 20-something care to go, to Church.  Through learning the teachings of Unity, we adopted the philosophy that God doesn’t give a sh*t what religion we are, we all have access to divine love, abundance and support.  Instead of thinking about our “situation” (as some people like to call it) as how to best “mix” religions, we concentrated on how we cancompletely share and celebrate faith together. As a result, we experienced a new love and openness for each other’s traditions and were able to experience the rush and clarity of connecting to a high power together.

Though I had spent 13 years planning the reception, dreaming up flower arrangements and bridesmaid dresses, our new commitment to finding a common faith motivated us to move our ceremony to the top of our wedding priority list. We spent weeks writing a ceremony that would be a perfect reflection of our love and spiritual relationship.  In my mind, I needed Martha to move over a little (just a little) to make some space for God. This was by far the best thing we could have done to make our wedding successful.

Which brings me to the planning process and my next surprise… I assumed that I was going to be able to run my business, develop friendships, enjoy New York City, plan a move across the country and execute every detail of my wedding all at the same time without breaking a sweat.  After all, this was what I was planning for for frickin’ 13 years!!! But I was dramatically, and shockingly, overwhelmed by the task.

The control freak in me wanted to be in charge of everything, to be the creator of this fabulous event, and if I’m being honest with myself, so I could ensure being the center of attention.

I wanted full credit for everything: how I looked, my hot husband and the amazing event.

I became intoxicated by the stress of handling all the details, and weighed down by the self-criticism induced by my inability to “pull it together”.  As I was struggling to keep all the balls in the air, my mother was gracefully checking off her wedding to-dos behind the scenes, creating color-coded filing systems, 6 month timelines, and personalized marching orders so that nothing fell through the cracks. Here is a small example of her organizational genius, the wedding board that hung in her office.

To be honst, her effortless organization really pissed me off.  I felt like she was stealing my thunder and my spotlight.

After a few weeks of stereotypical mother-of-the-bride/bride-to-be bickering, I moved from haughty to humbled.  I accepted that my mother was not only more organized than I was, but she has an innate talent for managing a gazillion details that is truly super-human.  She could honestly run a small country.

So I relinquished total control to the master planner, faced my unevolved obsession with being a total control freak and the center of attention, and accepted that my talents lay elsewhere.

Mom and I created a fabulous system where I operated as the creative director, brainstorming and dreaming up delicious flower arrangements and comforting food combinations (thanks to my years of wedding research) and she executed like a champ.  I could have spent months getting bogged down in contracts and deadlines, but instead I used the extra brain space, tapped into my true talents and created a gorgeous atmosphere.

If it’s one thing I drill into my clients heads as a result, it’s delegate, delegate, DELEGATE!!!

You have so many things going on in your life, the emotional transitions, life management and not to mention getting your bod in the best shape of your life…

Now here’s what everyone wants to know about…weight loss. And Here’s the big shocker… as a holistic weight loss coach for brides, I make money leading brides through the delicate process of creating an amazing body without dieting. So you can imagine my shock when after my first dress fitting, I felt myself wanting to sprint at full speed to find the next weight watchers meeting!

I also spent a good few months fighting the urge to hire a personal trainer.  Not because I don’t think that exercise is important, or that personal trainers are amazing, but because I have NEVER gotten as much out of personal training as I did out of street jazz classes, pilates or chisel (a group cardio and weight lifting class by Crunch).   I thought just because getting a trainer is what brides “do”, I would miraculously turn into a personal training obsessed gym rat as soon as I had a ring on my finger. I was mistaken.

The wedding weight loss hype got to me.  I was not immune to the intense pressure that our culture puts on women to be thin for their wedding.  It is a paradigm that captures even the most alert brides.

I had a lot of old voices of self-criticism come up and felt myself over eating at times to quiet them.  There were moments I forgot that acceptance does not mean giving up and that eating foods I enjoy does not mean I am going to binge on them.

Layer that with the self-imposed expectation to be immune to the social pressure and feel completely blissful about my body all the time, and I wasn’t feeling so hot about myself.

The way out started with accepting I was human, and not perfect.  The next steps involved replacing my obsession with being anew version of myself,with the desire to be the best version of myself.

By getting reconnected with my own philosophy and taking on myself as a VIP client, I have to say, I f*cking rocked that wedding dress.  I have never felt so beautiful.

I can’t wait to show you pics and tell you all about the wedding next week.

See you then.  Love,

Sarah

Weddings are complicated, they are the perfect storm of family expectations, design dreams, weight struggles, religion, faith (yes they’re different), and of course the very shocking transition to becoming a wife. Weddings are also the best day of your life (so far), a blissful combination of friends and family and the closest to zen that some of us have ever experienced.

Like Christmas, weddings can be dominated by consumerism, the media and cultural pressure. Losing twenty pounds and getting featured in Martha Stewart Weddings can overshadow the very exciting, very profound, very scary act of becoming a wife. (Note: I am not saying that having a gorgeous wedding and feeling amazing in your wedding dress isn’t important, it is, and it was very important to me…but more on that later.)

My husband, Jonathan and I were lucky to exist beyond this trap. Our wedding was wrapped in love and presence, which truly created a magical day.  But as I am writing this, I am hearing my Dad’s voice in my head declaring his familiar saying, “luck has nothing to do with it.”

Before I tell you about our wedding day, and risk you blowing off my experience as “just another fairy tale” I want to start at the beginning…

I started planning my wedding on August 24th, 1996.  I was 12 years old.

I was at my cousin’s wedding in Muskegon, Michigan at his bride’s family home overlooking lake Michigan.  During dinner, my dad said to me, “Did you notice how they set up a buffet around their huge apple tree? Isn’t that gorgeous?”

That created a domino effect that sent my eyes feasting on all the subtle but deliberate details.  I assumed the ambiance just appeared out of thin-air, until I learned they’d been planning their wedding for a year (an eternity for a 12 year old).  The idea that love and magic could be curated, infected me.

Dad planted two apple trees in our back yard that fall.

I became obsessed with weddings- the flowers, the cake, the music, the DRESS and, of course, the prince.  But the prince part always threw me for a loop.

At 12 years old, I was right smack in the middle of my 6-year awkward phase (no joke… 6 years).  I was a happy, energetic kid who loved school and had plenty of friends but when I looked in the mirror my heart sank at the sight of my pudgy cheeks, crowded thighs and pimply skin.

Even though I was going through normal middle school growing pains, I was convinced that my physical fate would persist long into my 30s and no man would want to marry me.

I admit, it was a bit strange that a middle schooler who’s imagined fate was to become a cat lady, chose to spend the majority of her waking hours dreaming of her wedding.

But thinking about my wedding was an escape from my awkward, adolescent reality.  Being a bride was the perfect fairy tale, the ultimate prize to be won, and a distant pipe dream.

Fast-forward 9 years to college…

Like most women who struggle with their weight, I held onto a deep belief that I was unworthy.

Here was my pattern:

1. I felt unworthy

2. In an effort to feel worthy, I would seek approval from men

3. Based on an internal grading system based on looks, intelligence and social cred of the dude, I would determine how much worthiness I would get if I got him to

A.     Talk to me

B.     Flirt with me

C.     Make-out with me

D.    Take me back to the dorms

E.     Bonus points for getting them to tell me about their deepest fears.

F.     Date me

It became a bit of a gamble: A. I shoot high and I got a whole lot of worthiness but risked rejection or B. I shoot low and have a better shot at getting a moderate amount.

4.  If I accomplished a step in A-F, I would get an instant rush of worthiness, that would ultimately diminish over time.

5. The guy would walk away, ignore me in class or break up with me and I would go back to an empty worthiness bank account.

6. I’d start over.

Side note and a quick point of clarification: There was nothing ACTUALLY preventing me from feeling worthy or having a fabulous life full of love and success.  I did not come from a broken home (quite the opposite), I was blessed with friends and an excellent education.

However, going through a completely normal phase of pudginess as a young girl combined with subtle (and not-so-subtle) reactions and comments from people around me can be traumatic for a youngster.

I internalized that trauma (children don’t have the capacity not to) and made the mental and emotional decision that I was unworthy. End side note.

I was still holding onto my “freshmen 15” when second semester Junior year rolled around, and I met Jonathan Brajtbord: retired football player and general heart throb who resembled the Disney version of Hercules (and kinda acted like him too).

He was the proverbial jackpot and felt completely out of my league-a perfect opportunity to fill up my “worthy account”.  Jonathan had a reputation for dating well-mannered, beautiful southern belles (he’s a Texan after-all), but this outspoken Yankee (moi) was up for the challenge.  Our love affair that ensued was passionate, emotional and exciting. Here is our first picture together just week after our first date.

As we approached our 2-year anniversary, and were now living in New York City, we started to fall-apart.  Well… that’s not exactly true, I started to fall apart.

As you can imagine, collecting personal worthiness from a source outside of yourself isn’t sustainable. Jonathan was no longer enough to keep my worthiness bank account full, and I started to sink back into my emotional “unworthy” set point. I started to exhibit habits and patterns of how dark and damaged I felt inside by over eating, binge drinking, not working out, procrastinating at work and even slacking on brushing my teeth on a regular basis. It wasn’t pretty.

I started picking fights with Jonathan and created as much conflict in our relationship as possible.  I started to see him as a monster.  Subconsciously I was creating a life that was an outward reflection of how I felt on the inside, and that picture didn’t have a prince in it.

Since our relationship completely sucked at that point, it would’ve been easy to cause a breakup and blame my misery on Jonathan-only to send me straight back to my own pattern.

Even though I did everything in my power to push him away, Jonathan stuck around, and showed me that the problem, very clearly, wasn’t him, or our relationship… it was me.

With no way out, I started the journey of realizing that I truly deserved what was already in front of me. And once I identified that my dark and gloomy internal state was merely a decision I had made a long time ago, I made the decision again to re-write my story.

Some of you know this part of the story: I went to nutrition school, quit my soul-sucking advertising job, and completely immersed myself in personal growth.  I went to dance classes, had therapy, learned the art of womanhood, meditated, appreciated and loved my body, dressed in beautiful, sensual clothes, cleaned up my diet and started having fun again.

I finally realized the rock-star that I was and Jonathan and I fell in love all over again, but this time, we were two, whole people coming together to create a fun, full, beautiful life. Here we are dancing and carrying on at my 25th birthday, just a few months before we got engaged.

On December 19^th, 2009, we were engaged to be married and my fantasy wedding was no longer a fictitious tale that seemed completely out of reach, but a very tangible reality that I finally knew I deserved and was worthy of.

Jonathan and I never talked about marriage or what kind of wedding I wanted (this annoyed the sh*t out of me when we were dating, but I learned after that he was determined to have his proposal be a complete surprise-it worked), so when he proposed, you can imagine how shocked he was when I pulled out an anthology of Martha Stewart Weddings that had been a side-effect of my fantastical compulsion.

Until that point, I was under the impression that a wedding will be perfect if you follow the Martha model of creative unique design, hire a wedding planner and get a good band.  If that were the case, I was over prepared. After all, at this point I had been prepping for 13 years.

But the reality was that I was in store to be surprised at every corner of the process, right up to waking up the day after I said “I Do”.

To hear about the twists and turns in my engagement and the invaluable lessons I learned at my wedding (that you’ll never read in a magazine) stay tuned for next week.

All my love.

by Liz DiAlto & Sarah Jenks

As we mentioned in Part 1 of this series, we’re on a mission to change the way you think about sex, your workouts and help you see how each can enhance the other. In Part 1, we explained how to manage stress through sex and workouts and feel more confident in your birthday suit. We saved the best for last though, read on as we cover how to boost your sex-drive and your moves, with exercise!

The Problem: I have success-drive, but no sex-drive.

As modern women, we have developed an incredible drive for success.  We start companies, graduate at the top of our class, climb up the corporate ladder and run charities. We’ve been taught to use our minds, our reasoning, our drive (aka ourmasculinequalities) and commonly ignore our intuition, our gut instincts, our creativity and our emotions (aka our feminine qualities). There is nothing wrong with sharp reasoning and unwavering drive, but all of that intellectual action happens in our head and we easily lose touch with all the magic that happens in our bodies: the origin of intuition, creativity and, most importantly, sensuality. So, if you’re the kind of girl who’s kicking ass at work and not making waves in the bedroom, it’s probably because you’re too in your head, and not in touch with your body.

The Sexy Solution: Working out!

Exercise gets you in touch with your feminine side because feminine energy lives in your body.  Moving, sweating and getting the blood flowing will get you very connected to the energy and beauty of your body. When you stop living your life from the neck up, you can tap into your feminine energy, your sensuality, your creativity and naturally raise your libido. Best workout to build sensuality? Dance.

The Problem: I’m never quite sure if I’m doing the right thing.

A lot of women bog themselves down in comparisons. The silliest part?  Often we aren’t even sure what we’re comparing ourselves too! We’re just “positive” it’s something better. This mentality has got to go.

Check out the solution on The Beauty Bean

In this two-part article (Part 2 will be up next week), we’re going to change the way you think about your workouts and your sex life and reveal the many ways in which the two are intertwined. By the time we’re done with you, your appreciation for both should be at an all time high. And, we’re pretty confident you’ll be approaching your next sweat session, be it at the gym or in the bedroom, with greater gusto than ever before!

How Fitness Can Boost Your Sex Life

The Problem: I’m too stressed to have sex, plus I don’t have any time!

A lot of women have to-do lists a mile long, causing frequent (sometimes even chronic) stress. When stressed, our bodies release hormones meant to aide in our survival in a life-threatening situation. And while this response is adaptive in truly life-threatening situations, that fast-approaching deadline (no matter what your boss says) is far from life or death. Unfortunately, our bodies don’t know that and the surge in hormones can send our libidos plummeting.

The Sexy Solution: Fitness!

Exercise, which gets your blood flowing and your breath going, releases chemicals that counteract your stress response while also giving you a break from the daily grind. The result: you’ll not only set yourself up for a stronger sex-drive by reducing stress, but also you will begin a practice of making time for yourself.  Plus, working out and having sex is the best way to “re-fuel” so that you’ll have the energy to spend on your busy life.

The Problem: I don’t want to be seen without my clothes (especially not with the lights on!)

As women, we often forget that beautiful and sexy are multifaceted. There is no cookie cutter definition of either. So if you don’t think you’re beautiful, if you don’t feel sexy when you look in the mirror without clothes on, ask yourself, “Why?” Is it because you don’t look like the airbrushed celebrities in your favorite magazine or because Cosmo isn’t calling you to shoot this month’s cover? To that we say, “Who cares?!” Dig deep and choose what’s beautiful and sexy about you-rather than accept what pop culture and multimedia dictates it should be. Why is this so important? Because it gives you the power and it plants the seed for confidence.

How to boost your confidence!

To view the full article visit The Beauty Bean

I spend a wonderful part of my business working with women who are engaged to be married, and interestingly enough most of the women I work with are not super happy in their relationships.  Being in a mediocre relationship can be a huge contributor to overeating because when something in your life is out of balance, your eating can get out of balance.

Most women believe that their relationship will magically improve when they lose weight so they put all of their energy towards dieting, but the reality is that if your relationship is just “ho-hum”, causing general apathy, distance and sometimes depression, you are never going to lose weight.   So it is incredibly important to make spicing up your relationship a PRIORITY to achieve successful, lasting weight loss.  To start things off with a bang this February, I am going to give you the scenario for a super steamy Valentine’s Day date, even if things usually feel flat.  The goal is to go from feeling like an old married couple, to like two teenagers, madly in love.

So here’s what you need to do…

If you live with your boyfriend or hubby, when you go on dates (if you go on dates at all) you probably get ready together then go out.  To spice things up, I want you to MEET your man at your destination, not go WITH him.

Get dressed when your man isn’t home, either before he gets home from work, or create sometime by suggesting he grab a drink with his buddies.   If he sees the process of going from “Everyday Jane” to “Lady of the Night” the transformation isn’t nearly as shocking. And honestly, him watching you put on your pantie hose is a total buzz kill.

Tell him you are going to meet him at the restaurant or bar, or whatever your destination.  Make sure he doesn’t see you all dolled-up before your date starts.  Show up to your destination a few minutes behind your man and before you walk into the room, think about your sexiest attribute, stand up straight and strut into the room like you’re the hottest thing since sliced bread.  Lock eyes with your man and calmly walk over, and give him the kind of kiss you gave him on your fifth date (comfortable but passionate-non of this grandma pecking crap).

I guarantee that your man is going to FLIP and more importantly YOU are going to feel a total rush of confidence, beauty and power.  Hone that power all night long and find other ways to get that same thrill in the weeks to come.

Originally posted on Your Bella Life

Naturally, as woman, we just LOVE food.  We love food so much that a lot of time, we have trouble putting our fork down.   We tell ourselves that we just can’t get enough of the taste, that it’s just “too good to stop!”  At least that’s what we think…

But I want you to ask yourself, does the 20^th bite taste just as good as the first?   Studies actually show that our brains get significantly less pleasure from the taste of food after the 5^th bite.  So what is going on here?

For many of us, we are looking to food for something else besides the taste.  And we end up eating WAY past the point of comfort.  We often get up from the table feeling stuffed, bloated and sluggish.   And when this pattern is repeated meal after meal, it takes a huge toll on our digestive system, our bodies and our emotions.

As an emotional eating expert I help women discover why they have trouble putting their fork down, and help them to develop new behaviors to stop overeating.

I have outlined by best tips for you to do some self-discover on your own.  I hope you will really make an effort to look behind your eating habits to discover what is driving them.  It can get a little mucky back there, but I am here to support you!  Just leave a comment or send me an email atsarah@sarahjenks.com with any questions.

Put your fork down tip #1: Set Yourself up for Success

Everyone has that little voice inside them that says, “ok, it’s time to stop now”, but sometimes it is just really hard to hear it.  To make sure you are connected with that part of you that tells you “enough!” it is SO important to eat without distraction.  No TV, no reading, no checking email -  all of which distract you from what’s going inside you.  Instead, sit quietly, pay attention to your food and listen carefully to that small voice that tells you it’s time to put your fork down.

Put your fork down tip #2: What are you REALLY hoping to get from overeating

Even when we learn to hear that small voice telling us to stop, we often ignore it.   We all need nourishment, sometimes it is physical (we need food) and sometimes it is emotional (we need nourishment is non-food form).   When you have eaten until you are satisfied and want to keep going, you are most likely seeking emotional nourishment through food.  But no amount of food can fulfill an emotional need.  SO what are you REALLY hoping to get from your food?  Is it a sense of togetherness? Grounding? Pleasure? A break from boredom?  When you identify what that is, takes the necessary steps to feed that need through conversation, deep breathing or doing something fun.

Put your fork down tip #3: Ask yourself “What would happen if I stopped eating”

When my relationship with food was in the gutter, I always panicked when I felt like it was time to stop eating.  I thought I was obsessed with the taste of food, but in reality, I was just really scared of what would happen if I stopped.  My brain was playing all these tricks on me that the world would fall apart, that I would fall apart if I put my fork down.  But when I stopped did a reality check and asked myself “What would really happen if I stopped eating?” the answer was always, “nothing”.

**Sarah Jenks is a nutrition coach and emotional eating expert who helps women fall in love with their bodies and lose weight through exploring the emotional reasons of why we eat.  Contact her today if you would like to work on your relationship to your body and the food you eat.

I wanted to reach out to you this morning because I had a feeling that you may be a little uncomfortable about today.

Thanksgiving, with all it’s joy and togetherness, can still be a day of contention. I am guessing that the anticipation of being around so much excess food is sending you into a bit of panic.

It wasn’t always easy for me either. I remember feeling like the foods around were so special and rare, that I had to taste everything all-day as I was cooking – while beating myself up for every bit of food I put in my mouth.

When I sat down to dinner, I wasn’t the least bit hungry, but I had this feeling like there was no amount of food that could satisfy my craving. I always got up from the table feeling stuffed and guilty for eating so much.

Today, I woke up with excitement for the day ahead, the cooking, being with my family and going for a Thanksgiving Day hike. Thinking about all the food only fills with me joy instead of dread.

So how did I make the shift from food obsession to complete ease?

If you’re finding yourself in the depths of food obsession, you are probably being meaner and more abrasive to yourself with every bite you put in your mouth.

You see, we think yelling at ourselves motivates us to stop eating, but in fact, the self-abuse is actually causing us to eat more.

Self-abuse causes low self-esteem, and the only way we know how to soothe our damaged soul is to eat.

Here’s the thing, most of us will inevitably eat more today than we usually do, myself included. It’s Thanksgiving! But instead of using today as a test of willpower, and berating yourself when you don’t live up to your impossible expectations, just loosen up!

The ONLY way to avoid falling into the Thanksgiving day binge cycle, is to be nice to yourself and enjoy your meal.

The reality is that if you have a second piece of pumpkin pie on your plate, you’re going to eat it. Just let yourself have it, and really take pleasure in eating. Savor every bite and silence your inner critic just for today.

Instead of feeling stuffed and miserable, I bet you will find yourself much more settled and satisfied at the end of today.

Happy Thanksgiving. Enjoy!

Love,

Sarah

You know that feeling when each thing that’s happening in your life is amazing, but when they happen all at once it’s a nightmare? That’s what I’m experiencing.

And of course, the first thing to drop out of my routine were my work-outs. Ugh. I was telling myself the same old story, “I don’t have time blah blah blah.” But I knew that in order to practice what I preach, I HAD to get my ass to the gym.

So I called Liz DiAlto. Liz is a personal trainer who helps brides get ready for their weddings and a motivation expert. Now when she told me she was a “motivation expert” I was a little confused, but after being on the phone with her today, I TOTALLY get it!

It’s been two-weeks since I’d gone for a run, and when I hung up the phone with her, I can’t tell you how psyched I was to put on my sneaks and hit the pavement. I went for the most amazing run on the Hudson (pic above) and I feel more motivated, relaxed and confident than I have in two-weeks.

My to-do list feels less like a laundry list of nightmarish chores, and so much more like a beautiful collection of blessings.

Liz’s tactic’s are so unique that you’ll just have to experience her genius for yourself. This Thursday Liz and I are hosting a teleclass called End Your Body Hatred and Never Worry About Feeling Fat Again (especially on the most important day of your life!).

Liz is going to be giving her exact method on how to stay motivated to work-out and I am going to be sharing my best tips for silencing your inner-critic and developing total body confidence.

As you can see, it is geared for brides, but of course these topics are so applicable to all women, that I hope you’ll join us.

The teleclass is being held THIS THURSDAY the 4th at 7pm.
Register here: http://teleclassforbrides.eventbrite.com/

If you can’t make the call, register and we’ll email you the recording.

Hope to see you on the call.

As a follow up to yesterday’s anecdote, I’m here today and armed with my top four tips for guiding you into a space of love as you embark on exploring your relationship with food. With pen and fork in hand, let’s dive in.

(1) Order what you will enjoy

Unless you just LOVE the taste of Vodka sodas, order something you will enjoy.  A nice glass of wine or a beer is ideal because there are no added sugars, dyes, or chemicals that you will find in many cocktails.  If you do opt for a cocktail, go for something with high quality, real ingredients.  This will delight your taste buds and your belly.  Enjoy your wine!  Sip it slowly.  Breathe in the aromas.

(2) Check in with yourself

Before you even look at the menu, think about what you want to eat.  Do you want something hot or cold, crunchy or creamy, spicy or sweet?  Get really clear on what it is you want. Then open the menu and choose something that you will really enjoy.  When you eat what your bodies wants, you will actually be satisfied by your meal and won’t feel the need to over-eat or eat everyone else’s food.

(3) Pause

Breathe.  This seems like a simple task, but it is actually really hard.  Take three deep breaths before you start your meal and one deep breath in between each bite.  Do this with your fork down.  Not only will this get you to slow down, which will help you register that you are full, but the more fresh oxygen you put in your system, the more calories you will burn.  You know when you fan a fire, it burns stronger?  It’s the same concept with burning calories.

(4) Listen up!

Fill up on the conversation, not the food.  Sometimes we have a tendency to put so much importance on the food, or to imagine that it is “special” because it’s from a restaurant, that we try to inhale as much of this alleged “special-ness” as we possibly can.  But flipping that mentality on its head and engaging with the people around you instead of what’s on our plate will transform the dining out experience. Know that the real reason you are there is to enjoy the company, not stuff your face with food.

So what’s the result of all this?

You can leave a restaurant feeling like you have more energy than you did when you went in.  You had a wonderful meal paired with even better conversation.  You’re not wasted, you’re not bloated, and you aren’t worried about spending hours on the treadmill tomorrow.

So many of us think that loosening the reins will actually make us gain weight, and go off the deep end, when in fact, it’s the opposite.

For me, it led to a 40 pound weight loss, a much healthier and hotter relationship, deeper friendships, a career I love, coaching women on how to lose weight in a healthy way, and a love for my body that I once abhorred.

Not going to happen to you, you say?  Trust me, I was the last person on earth to think that the life and body I have are possible.  I hope you will give the steps above a shot and report back to City Girls to tell us how you did.