Jul 2019

What to do when you know you shouldn’t want to be thin, but you also don’t like your body

Happy Moonday!  

It’s the beginning of a new week and another opportunity to live for yourself instead of the expectations, needs and comfort of other people.  Today I want to spend some time chatting about your relationship with your body. This can be uncomfortable, I know, but I promise after reading this letter you’re going to feel less shame and more acceptance and clarity on how to create a beautiful relationship with your body. 

 I’ve been in it with my body for most of life with some periods (some long, some short) where I’ve felt in right relationship with her.  

Recently, I’ve found myself back in the belief that my body is broken, that I deserve a better body and just wishing that this wasn’t my struggle.  I just want a different body somedays. It’s so intense to say out loud, but it’s true.

But can you imagine that if your daughter was getting on your nerves…if she was tired, sick, maybe talking back to you all the time, and you said to her, “I just want a new daughter”?


It makes me cry just thinking about saying that to Annabelle or Hazel.  I know that they could be awful, and I would still want them. I am IN IT with them for life, no matter how badly they mess up, I love them unconditionally.

This is how I want us to feel about our bodies.  Your body is one of your (or only) daughters.  

I get a lot of questions from women like this:

I want to be healthy, but every time I go on cleanse, I get triggered to wanting to be thin and going into restriction.

I know I shouldn’t want to be thin, but I also really hate my body, what do I do?

I feel so overweight, I never want to have sex, but I also don’t want to go on a crazy diet, help!

I have had all of these questions myself, the last one super recently, but there are some things I’ve done that have helped me shift from taking care of myself to change how I LOOK to taking care of myself for my HEALTH.

Here are some some mindset shifts that I am working on that I want you to steal.

  1. Your body does not need to be healthy in order to be loved by you.  Your body does not need to look a certain way in order to be loved by you.
  2. Just because you love your body does not mean that you are saying that you aren’t going to take care of her, help her grow or change.  You love your body WHILE you are changing. You love her while she’s sick, or low energy, or broken and you will love her when she’s whole and healthy.
  3. The way you look and the way your body functions need to get into different zip codes.  Since the patriarchy has put such intense pressure on women to look a certain way making it our ticket into having a successful life, partnership, all the things.  There has been such an emphasis on how we look that we’ve forgotten that how our body FUNCTIONS is so important.
  4. The desire to look a certain way for other people to accept you, or for you to feel worthy of love and attention is not a good goal, BUT the desire to have a body that functions well, that is strong, can run and jump over rocks, climb mountains, dance for hours, gets you up in the morning and carries you through with energy until it’s time for bed, is creative and clear and smart is AMAZING!
  5. You chose your body.  I truly believe that when we are in the soul realm before we incarnated in this lifetime, we chose our bodies.  Our bodies are our teachers. They challenge us, they guide us, they hold keys to our freedom. 
  6. My body is the HOME for my soul.  It is the only reason I can hug and love and breath and get around in this life.  When I let myself love my body, my soul feels safe. She can weave herself into my cells and shine out my eyes.  She can express herself through tears and song and dance.  

Here’s an exercise for you: if you loved your body, and you cared about how she functions, and how feminine and free and sensual she feels, knowing you may never look different, how would you take care of yourself?

Take some time today, to do the exercise above and ask yourself how you’re currently relating to your body and if any of these mindset shifts feel safe for you to sit with for the next week. 

I’d love to hear which mindset shift felt like the biggest AHA, let me know in the comments.

Talk to you next week!



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  • Matty H

    I loved what you said about loving your body like your daughter – loving her, taking care of her, helping her grow and improve regardless of what she weighs.

  • “You chose your body.” That resonated the most with me bc I remember doing the work with you of how we choose our parents and the powerful shift that made for me in my relationship to them and to food. I will sit with this idea for a while and see how that helps to strengthen my love for my body. The work continues! IT never ends! Oddly there is some joy in succumbing to that realization. There is no end there. Only where we are right now………

    • Ryan, thank you for this comment! Yes, it’s such a powerful realization isn’t it? Sending love, Sarah

Sarah Jenks

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