If your fiancé isn’t pulling his weight

Blog · Your Relationships

Wow, it’s been awhile huh? I had great intensions of emailing you while I was travelling, but then I got, well…. relaxed.

In the past month I’ve been to Boston, New York, the Georgian Bay and back to Boston for my bestie’s wedding. Besides checking in with my Live More Weigh Less Ladies and my private clients daily, I was focusing all of my energy getting a tan. It was glorious.

But I haven’t forgotten my promise to send you some wedding wisdom this summer.

Today, I want to talk to you about the wedding planning process, specifically, what to do if your fiancé isn’t pulling his weight.

So many of my clients call me feeling so drained and defeated at some point in the planning process. And all of them have the same story,

“I’m doing all this work and my fiancé just doesn’t give a shit, I mean we’re getting married, this is his wedding too and I just want him to pitch in! Ugh! He drives me crazy sometimes.”

If this sounds familiar to you, here’s what you gotta do:

1. Get off his case. I know, probably not what you wanted to hear. But you have to understand that just because your husband isn’t excited about the wedding, it does not mean he’s not excited to marry you. And let’s be clear: finding the perfect linen napkin to match your pink peonies and deciding between pistachio crusted halibut and sesame crusted salmon (def go with the halibut) are not for his benefit, they are for yours. A lot of us think we’re doing all this planning for him, but let’s be honest, you’re the one who wants everything to be perfect, and that’s OK, own it!

2. Ask him what’s important to him. One night, a year before our wedding, I sat down with Jonathan with a list of all the wedding categories
– Food
– Band
– Décor
– Flowers
– Groomsmen outfits
– Bridesmaid outfits
– Schedule
– Ceremony
– Wedding Cake
And I asked him which ones he cared about. Band, food and groomsmen outfits was his answer. So after that, I did not ask him his opinion on any other details, because he honestly just didn’t care, and I used it as an opportunity to do whatever I wanted (heh heh). I put him in charge of finding the band and the groomsmen outfits and then we decided on the food together. He felt like he was contributing, and I didn’t feel like a total nag, asking his opinion on every little detail.

3. Create a “wedding block”. A major reason why the dudes can get moody around wedding planning is because your relationship has devolved into talking about seating arrangements and which tent to order during your romantic dates. If the wedding is the only thing you want to talk about, obviously your fiancé is going to get mad at this event because it has taken over your relationship like an insidious parasite. I would really encourage you to schedule a 1-hour meeting twice a week to talk about wedding stuff, and when it’s not that time, you are not allowed to mention anything about the wedding to each other. Zip-it. And if you two are dreading the meeting, make it fun! Show up in some sexy lingerie, bring him some bourbon, talk while slow dancing in the kitchen. If you spend your entire engagement talking about the wedding, you’re going to wake up the day after your wedding with nothing to talk about. Not fun.

In the comments below I would love to hear your tips on how to have an amazing engagement, how you’ve gotten your man on board or how you’ve made peace with him being less involved.

Next week, Jonathan will be writing to you about the 5 myths of marriage from a guys perspective. I’m so pumped for you to read it.

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