The 5 Myths of Marriage, by Jonathan Brajtbord

I’m so excited to share with you a very special edition of the Breathtaking Bride Wedding Series.  Jonathan recently put down the scalpel and picked up the pen to shed some light on the 5 Myths of Marriage.

The other day I was lamenting to Jonathan as to why my gorgeous, smart, successful client’s boyfriend won’t pop the question already.

Jonathan said, “I’m not surprise, marriage has gotten a terrible reputation.  Most guys feel like they’re strapping on the handcuffs.”

I asked him, “Well why do you love being married so much (you do like being married, right?)”

He gave me an answer that I wasn’t expecting, and I asked him if he would share it with you, in hopes that you would pass it on to your man, will you?

But, there’s some really juicy stuff in here for you too.

In the comments below, I’m dying to hear your partner’s reaction to this piece and any other myths of marriage you have and what you recommend to counteract them.

Enjoy…

Dear dudes,

First, don’t get mad if your wife asked you to read this.  I’m not gonna tell you to get in touch with your feminine side or “communicate”. If you’re married, thinking about getting married, or determined to never get married, I hope to shed some light on the situation from my perspective.

There are lots of preconceived notions about being in a serious relationship, let alone being married. Since Sarah and I have been married, I can’t tell you how many guys have assumed that just because I’m married I can’t grab a beer after work, flirt with a girl at the bar, watch a football game on Sunday afternoon, or head out on a guys only camping trip… some guys assume that when you get married,  you disappear into the abyss of marriage.

But I’ve experienced a completely differently reality and would like to share with you the 5 myths of marriage.  Here goes:

Myth # 1: Once you get married, your wife is on a steady course to frumpy and dumpy.

Reality: You won the game. You not only got that hot girl at the bar/ restaurant/ friend of a friend to date you three or so years ago, but you convinced her it was a good idea to WANT to marry you. You feel like the victor, hell you are the victor. But then you get married and now…. who cares? game over? You locked down your hot wife. She looked smokin’ on your wedding day and now everyone has been telling you it’s all downhill from here. Wrong.

Once you get married, it’s very easy to stop treating your new wife like the sexy, gorgeous woman you desperately wanted to date 3 years ago.  Women respond to a man’s attitude and disposition towards them. Treat the relationship as if you’re still in the beginning stages of dating- yes, that means you have to take her on dates, surprise her with flowers, or plan a weekend getaway. Being married allows women to feel a certain sense of security; but don’t misinterpret security for laziness or the ability to stop creating a passionate relationship. Continue cultivating the romance in your relationship and your wife will respond, the sweatpants will stay in the drawer, she’ll continue to put on sexy underwear and your favorite dress.  However, if you stop treating her like the goddess she is and see her as a frumpy hausfrau, that’s exactly what she’ll end up as.

Myth #2: If you’re married, you can’t flirt with other women.

Reality: Wearing a ring on your finger doesn’t prohibit you from flirting with other women. Flirting is basically talking – with a few extra smiles and some confidence.  But here’s why it’s ok, remember how you’re treating that woman, remember how you feel and bring that energy home.  I’m sure your wife would love to spend more time with the stand-up straight, confident, charming version of you.  If you need to chat someone up to remember you still got it, awesome, but make sure to bring that swagger home.  It’s all about the intention of the flirting, so to keep the flirting tame, I recommend no touching, no drink buying and always wear your ring.

Myth #3: Once you get married, your sex life comes to a screeching halt and your playbook is reduced to one position that rhymes with dictionary.

Reality: Most men have the notion that once they’re married it’s a free pass to the promised land, whenever they want – well…maybe.  The biggest mistake men make, and what prevents them from scoring on a frequent basis is they think they’ve earned the right to skip second and third base and just head straight for home plate.   Here’s the thing, men can do that, we can get charged up and ready to go in a matter of seconds. Women, not so much. Romance, emotional connection, and a consistent and dedicated commitment to foreplay are the key tenants of creating and maintaining a sexual connection with your longtime girlfriend/wife. If you focus on the elements surrounding the actual act, you will create more passionate, exciting, and fulfilling sex.  And, she’ll probably want to do it more, just saying.

Myth #4: Your wife will become a nagging boss who will tell you what to do and how to do it all the time.

Reality: Your wife inherently trusts you. That’s why she said yes and decided to marry you. What happens for a lot of men after the wedding is that they stop taking the lead. It’s easier for men to allow the woman to take the lead at home (especially if you lead all day long in your professional life). In reality, women are only bossy when they stop trusting their man to handle their personal and collective responsibilities. So dudes, handle your shit, don’t expect your wife to do everything. Work hard at your profession and at home. Plan trips: be the one to book airlines flights and hotels when you go on vacation. Stay on top of finances: finances are some of the biggest stressors when you’re starting out a new marriage, so be the one to take the lead and organize your financial future. Plan dinners, go to the grocery store, pick up the dry cleaning. Don’t just default to your wife or think that she’s in charge. Assume that you’re in charge and act like it.  Your sexual chemistry will remain intact, she’ll respect that you can handle your collective lives, and she’ll get off your back.

Myth #5: Once you get married you never get to hang out with your guy friends.

Reality:  Time with guy friends was incredibly important before marriage and it still is after you get married.

I can’t tell you how often I hear “Wait, your wife let you come hang out and watch the game!?” My wife isn’t my mother, she doesn’t have to grant me permission to go hang out with my friends. It’s important to retain a sense of masculine bonds and brotherhood when you’re in a relationship, and even more so after you get married. It’s not healthy to depend on your wife as the only source of friendship. You will get bored and she will start to resent you. Now, I am not endorsing spending Monday through Saturday evenings with your guy friends and never seeing your girlfriend/ wife, else myth 1 & 3 will likely become a reality. It is critical for there to be room in a relationship for individuality and growth and a major part of that for men is continuing to build and foster masculine friendships.

What I really want to get across is that marriage is a blast if you’re not lazy about it.  And if you’re finding the above myths to be your reality, there are absolutely things you can do to turn it around fast.  Hope this was helpful.

All the best,

Jonathan (Sarah’s husband)