Why I canceled my trip to Nashville

The retreat I chose instead, the breakthrough I had, and the invitation that’s waiting for you.

It’s Kelly. 

For the last few weeks, I have been feeling SO heavy. Heavy in my body, heavy in my house, heavy in the work. Stuck in big questions I could not answer, and at the same time realizing I had drifted away from my own practices. Ceremony did not feel as potent, my drop-ins were surface-level, and I was not fully there.

I had no idea what to do about it – for weeks. Until one day, I was wailing on the floor of my bedroom and must have floated out of my body and looked down at myself and yelled, “wtf are you doing, just get up and figure it out, nothing is that wrong.” 

For whatever reason, that realization stopped the tears. I booked sessions with trusted healers, dropped into a long gratitude practice, and pulled some cards. Then I asked myself, what do I actually need right now? The answer came quickly: I needed a retreat. Not something I would design and hold for myself, but a guided space where I could surrender to someone else’s container and be led.

I found one. It was not perfect, but my body said yes.

I was supposed to go to Nashville with Sarah for a business trip we were both excited about, but I cancelled a few days before and decided to go on this retreat instead.

Over four days, I sat in ceremony (not the potent kind Sarah holds tbh but ceremony nonetheless). I stayed present even when the style was not what I would normally choose (beautiful, but too esoteric for me). At lunch on the first day, I dragged ass to an optional movement class, something a friend had once told me was the best part of this retreat center.

And in that class, something in me broke open. For an hour, I moved like I had been set LOOSE, baby – wild, sweaty (and I never sweat), completely inside my body. My mind disappeared. My body was leading. And then, when it ended, I stood still, breathing hard, and it was like every cell lit up at once.

This is it.

It wasn’t just that I felt good. I felt impossibly embodied and impossibly light at the same time, like I could both root into the earth and float away. It was a sensation I have been longing for since I was a teenager, and one I’ve only touched in my most authentic, buoyant moments in ceremony. But this was different. This was clear. This was ME.

By the end of the hour, I knew I was meant to learn this form of movement. To teach it. And to weave it into our work.

I went to the class every day after that, each time with a different teacher and a different expression of the same form. The clarity deepened with each experience. I could see how it connected with things I have known my whole life – from what I wanted to be when I was a little girl to the lightwork I’ve been doing in the ceremonial field. I could see how it belonged inside the Temple and also in my own community, totally outside of our work.

And then, on the drive home, guess what happened? The clarity started to slip. I started second-guessing myself. By the time I was back to solo parenting and bath time, the doubts had moved in. Who am I to do this? Who would come? Is this crazy? Shouldn’t I wait?

This is what happens. We have profound clarity in retreat or ceremony, and then come home and start walking it back.

This time, though, I anchored it immediately. I told my kids that night that Mom was going to become a dance teacher. I texted my husband. I told a dear friend the next day. And then, without letting hesitation take over, I registered for the year-long training.

Let’s f*cking gooooo. We are going. Now I am in it. Committed. Already integrating it into my daily practice. I can feel my body and my energy shifting to meet what is coming.

This is the power of going all the way in, not to get a break from it all but to meet yourself in the deepest place and then carry that truth into your real life.

That is exactly why we created Emerge, a 3-day immersive experience to plunge you into the depths of your soul and overflow your system with sacred joy, nourishment, dance, and ceremony. 

Emerge is where women discover what they’re really made of, get all the way into their bodies, and make lasting commitments that change the course of their lives.

We already have 125 women coming September 19th-21st to Sarah’s home outside of Boston, and we have 25 spots left.

Join here. Enrollment closes in 6 days on 8/26. 

Since we can feel that this community needs support right away, we’re hosting a Ceremony called UNRAVEL for everyone coming to Emerge.  It will be live on Thursday, August 28, from 12:30 – 2:30 p.m. Eastern on Zoom. 

If you have been feeling clenched, stagnant, disconnected, or weighed down, we can’t wait to be in ceremony with you next week. We’re going to shake something loose and come back into devotion to life.

If you have been feeling the weight in your body, your spirit, or your life, I hope you will join me.

Join us for Emerge. Only 25 spots left. 

Love,

Kelly

P.S. If you just want to join us for UNRAVEL, click here.