27
Sep 2018

When your husband is hotter than you…

A few weeks ago, Jonathan and I were lying in bed talking about our sex life and our plan to create one that is better than ever after this season of having babies. 

A few things I need you to know before we go any further…

A woman’s libido is naturally low when nursing because our hormones drop to a fraction of their normal levels. Evolutionarily, this prevents us from having babies too close together because we aren’t cycling. Thank you, biology.  

BUT our culture is a mismatch for our biology (welcome to the Patriarchy), and as soon as we are “cleared for sex” at 6 weeks, many women feel the pressure to start having sex with their partner again. And this pressure can often poison the relationship, leaving women in the all too familiar cycle of guilt and resentment.

All of this is to say that I am in no rush to create the sex life of our dreams right now (I’m only 3 months postpartum), but I wanted to take some time with Jonathan to talk about our fears and intentions.

So I took a deep breath, gathered my courage, and told Jonathan,

“It’s just hard for me that you are in the best shape of your life, and I feel like a ripe, lumpy peach.”

Jonathan has been going to Crossfit 4 days a week for the past year while I have been making a human.

Obviously, I know in the grand scheme of life this is not a big deal, and of course I accept my body, BUT when it comes to sex, I noticed that it still feels like a time when “what we look like” is of higher importance than usual, and I knew that needed to shift.

Jonathan of course assured me that he is attracted to me, which felt good and important, but I wanted to go deeper, so I asked him what he honored in me during this specific season of postpartum motherhood that has nothing to do with what I look like. 

“You’re such a life force,” he said. “You gave birth to a human, and you’re keeping her alive, and there’s nothing more incredible or sexy about that; it’s magic.” 

Nailed it.

This then started a whole conversation about how we want our sex life to be an honoring of our energy and spirit, not just a celebration of what we look like. WHICH MEANS that we each have the freedom to be on our separate body journeys and still be able to connect with each other in this way instead of hiding and holding back. And when we do decide to make sex a regular part of our lives again, it won’t be because I finally feel pretty enough to take my clothes off; it will be because my body desires to have that experience again. No pressure, only desire.

This is what I want you to explore:

  • Do you feel your partner is better looking than you? Does this keep you from having the best sex life possible?
  • What do you honor in yourself? What parts of your soul do you love?
  • Can you ask them what they honor in you? What is the energy they are attracted to in you?
  • Can you talk openly about how you want sex to feel (energetically and emotionally) between the two of you?

Questions/Comments? Ask me on Instagram or during today’s Facebook live here: Facebook.com/jenks.sarah at 11:15 am EST, where I’m going to be talking about ways to get reconnected with your sensuality if you feel overweight, too old, postpartum, or just plain dead inside.

I hope you see you there!

Love, 
Sarah

 

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Sarah Jenks

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