06
Jan 2017

I feel fat. How about you?

sarah-ifeelfat

The day after Christmas, things started to feel pretty bleak. Without the constant holiday cheer to distract me, I sunk into that all-too-familiar darkness around my body. I felt out of control, embarrassed, ashamed, so far from hope… all because I felt fat.

That place of complete despair is so bleak. We can feel like our happiness, dreams — our US — is just so far away.  

If you’re in this place right now (many of us are), here are the truths I sunk into while I was in the darkness, and how I turned things around.  

You did nothing wrong. Part of being a woman is getting that our bodies are going to grow and shrink our whole lives. Our feminine essence is directly tied to the seasons, the moon and the tides. Nothing about our physicality is linear. Being in the place of feeling overweight is part of our natural cycle.

Don’t ignore the signs. Just because this is a natural part of our cycle as a woman, doesn’t mean you should ignore the signs that it’s time to tune into your body. Underneath my feelings of being “wrong” or “weak” or “disgusting” because I had gained weight over the Fall and Winter, was the truth that I was feeling low energy, depressed and sluggish. THOSE are the real feelings to address and a very real side effect of not prioritizing my health. We very often misinterpret those deep feelings as social shame. And because of this, we get stuck in a terrible trap…

Health and ‘looking good’ are not the same thing. When we stay in the place of “I am wrong for looking this way,” another part of us comes up and says in an angry feminist-kinda-way, “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT I LOOK LIKE! I should be valued for my mind and my soul!”. So in the process of consoling ourselves for feeling embarrassed about what we look like, we ignore what is actually happening physically in our bodies and continue the same old habits we’ve been running. This is such a common trap I see with women, one that I’m so excited to address in our new format of Live More Weigh Less that I’ll be telling you about really soon ;).

Your body does matter. But not for the reasons you think. Looking good in a bathing suit can no longer be the only reason to take care of your body. Your body is your home, your temple. I want you to feel vibrant, alive, energized and HAPPY. This was the biggest wake-up call for me when I realized that my body was affecting my mood. I want more than anything to feel happy and alive. Not only for my kids and Jonathan but for my minute-to-minute existence.  

My intention for 2017 is to get that every part of my life is sacred, including my body. This means that what I feed myself, and how I move my body, is no longer an afterthought or something I just fit in where I can — but a priority. I choose to move my body in environments that are sacred; like a dance class, The Practice, or setting up my living room as a temple. I want to eat mostly high-vibration foods that I cook with love. I want to take my vitamins, moisturize my skin, and only use clean, organic products. And I want to emotionally honor and admire my body for everything she is, not just my silhouette.  

It’s been less than two weeks of treating my body like a temple and following my Live More Weigh Less philosophy, and I feel amazing. Stronger, happier and more AWAKE. Transformation doesn’t actually take that long.

I’ve already been sharing exactly how I’m doing this on Instagram, and I’d love to be able to connect with you there if you aren’t following me yet.

In the comments on the blog, I would love to hear how you’re feeling about your body right now and the support you are craving. And I would also love to hear one reason you want to take care of your body, that is NOT what you look like. Can’t wait to sink in with you here.

Love,
Sarah

 

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  • Corbi

    Love this post Sarah. I recently fell on the ice and sprained my wrist and it makes me realize that I need to take care of my body because when you can’t use it you lose your freedom. I want my body to be able to move and play and do the things like open a bottle without feeling pain or having someone else to do it for me. Happy New Year!

    • Yes, Corbi! Move and play and have fun- sounds like your body is telling you what she wants. Happy New Year to you. xo

  • Margarita (Maggie)

    My body is the opposite I can’t gain a pound.. I am 5’2″ and only wt 104.. I have always disliked being so small.. Many women think that it’s better being so thin but it’s really not there are issues also being this small health wise also.. I can’t gain a pound no matter what I eat or how much calories I intake.. Any advice for women like me..

    • Hi Maggie- thank you so much for sharing your journey. It’s so important to love and appreciate your body no matter what size, shape, or silhouette she may be. I think your body wants some love and gentleness- to hear you love her and want to take care of her. I invite you to write your body a letter- tell her you see her, hear her, appreciate her, and want to be friends. Try and set aside some time and clear some space, light a candle, and write this heartfelt letter and then just feel into it. Sending you many hugs.

  • Denise Andre

    I am still feeling bloated and sugar overloaded. I had off of work from Dec 23 thru Jan 2, so nothing was on schedule….So, when I had to go back to work this past Tues I have been amped up with caffeine all week…UGH! I love coffee, don’t get me wrong, but I need my natural energy back. I am looking forward to rebooting my body this weekend and getting in a juice fast, meal planning and an exercise routine. I feel so much better when I am low carb! I also feel better when I know I am treating my body with respect. I am a big girl and have accepted that, but I appreciate scheduling time to worship myself respectfully. If I should lose weight in the mean time, great, but that is not the goal. My goal is to feel better by treating myself like a queen{:-)

    • I just adore and appreciate your refreshing view on worshipping yourself respectfully. You are a queen! Never forget that. xo

  • Christina

    Thank you for posting this. I weighed myself this morning for the first time since May. It was as anticipated but still reality is sometimes hard to face.

    I own my own business and I have 2 young kids, 4 and 8. I just remodeled my house. I never feel like there is enough time in the day. I’m trying not to be exhausted. Self care is really hard for me.

    I miss my East Coast girlfriends.

    Thank you for being honest.

    My intention this year is radical self care. Eating organic. Natural make up products. Bringing more joy to my everyday.

    I enjoy your posts very much.

  • Kristen

    Thank you for this share, I needed it. I am in denial or in the “it doesn’t matter what I look like” phase, but I am hurting. My heart hearts as I navigate the waters of postpartum and don’t feel the loving female support I long for. My body hurts, all over, as I heal. My body is longing for healthier food and less sugar, but I have been dragging ass at getting back to my LMWL principals. Thank you again for this authentic helpful reminder. xo

    • Of course, Kristen! Having a baby can make you feel so isolated while surrounded with so much love- it’s wild. You are still the same beautiful soul you’ve always been- your body just needs a little love. What would it feel like for you to treat yourself like a baby with sweet gentle caresses and words? Try it and see what transpires. PS- You always have support here- please feel free to reach out to me and our community; and know you are seen, felt, and supported. Big hugs!

  • Mandy

    I had a gastric bypass dec 12. Went home on Wednesday, back in the hospital by Saturday. Got to go home two days before Christmas, but am still battling infection. I feel angry with my body for not behaving like i feel it should have post surgery, and am not able to be back at work yet. However, im trying to work on making some peace with it and realize the pain and setbacks are temporary. Im trying to focus on why i chose to get the surgery, such as my blood pressure was out of control, pre diabetic, etc. And to focus on what i want to DO, such as go on a backpacking trip. I want to try rock climbing. I want to be able to lift myself up out of the canoe at our next church float trip. When im feeling down, i go online and start browsing outdoor sites looking at equipment.
    For now, i have to ignore the crackers ground up in the carpet in the dining room, the fact that my kitchen looks like a disaster and that my plants all died because the fam forgot to water them while i was in the hospital. I have a 5lb weight restriction and cant do things like sweep or vaccum for 6 weeks. So im trying to give my body the rest its asking for, trying to focus on drinking the fluids im supposed to, and eating what little i can. The rest can wait.

    • Yes, dear Mandy- rest now and know you are moving towards your dreams. All the things you want to do will still be there- for now just give yourself some love and care. Feel better- xo

  • Kandace

    I actually thought I was ill!! I spent the next
    3 days after Christmas under a blanket with a hoodie on, hood up almost covering my face. Then I thought it was post holiday blues. This blog post resonated SO deeply with me. Thank you so much for putting words to this. Thank you beyond measure.

  • Kandace

    I want to take care of my body as an example to my children and those close to me. I want to show other women and mothers that it is not a selfish act to take care of yourself. It’s essential so you can be present in your own life as well as for them.

    • Hi Kandace- your intentions to take care of yourself and be present are so beautiful and authentic. I strongly believe we can support one another as women and moms in making self care a daily practice not just something we do every now and again. Big hugs!

  • I love that there is so much attention placed on how we feel these days, but I believe there’s also something to be said for the confidence that comes when you know you look great. And I think it’s ok to use that as a motivator. In Megyn Kelly’s book “Settle For More” she talks about the transition she felt and the confidence she gained when she lost a few pounds, cleared up her skin, and put on a power suit. It made her into the icon she is today.

    And I totally agree. That’s why I love looking at the scale and why I check it every morning and every night. Though I know that sounds like heresy to a lot of people today, I know what number feels, and yes, looks good on me and I want to keep track of it as I get older. Knowing where I stand gives me a chance to adjust my day accordingly, rather than course-correct down the line.

    • Hi Elle! I love your confidence and energy- I can feel it from here. It’s wonderful to appreciate our bodies in all its cycles and to pay attention to her lovingly- no matter what the number says. As we pay attention to her daily, we can hear what she is saying and what she needs. Beautiful work!

  • Leah

    Yes, I am feeling fat! Over the last couple of years I had dropped some weight due to lots of walking and being more careful about what I was eating but the last 6 months, despite still walking alot, and being in the mits of menopause the weight is back and I don’t feel good about it. So I tend to eat more to avoid the way I am feeling. Thanks for your blog it has helped me readjust my thinking and be a little kinder to myself, warm regards Leah

    • Hi Leah- yes- we definitely need to give some loving kindness and gentleness to ourselves. Sounds like you are bringing some awareness around why you are eating- I invite you to notice these feelings that come up and journal about them as well as just love yourself! Hugs to you!

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