15
Jan 2015

Why it’s hard to make friends… and what to do about it.

I am as extroverted as they come and I am a total girls girl, so when I find myself in a new situation: new job, new city, new baby, I know that my first order of business is to find a supportive community who gets what I’m going through.

Most people would look at my life and think, “it’s just so easy for her to make friends.” I have a lot of friends, from all parts of my life and they are all wonderful women. But it’s not that making friends is easy for me, it’s that I prioritize it. I make the time, I put in the effort, I have a strategy.

So many of my clients and readers feel like they’re lacking in the friend department, and are constantly telling me that they want to have close girlfriends so badly, but it just feels so hard.

A few weeks ago I asked my followers on Instagram and Facebook what their biggest challenges were when it comes to making friends. I loved their individual responses and all of them felt so universal that I wanted to take the time to share my responses here.

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“I don’t have a lot in common with my friends anymore, should I move on and find new ones?”

I never think it’s a good idea to “break up” with friends. I mean, if they are just terrible people who make you miserable, go for it, but I see a lot of people ditch their old friends because “they don’t get you” anymore. When I started my business, I felt a distance between my friends from college and myself, not because anything changed, or they were bad friends, they just didn’t understand what I was going through, and I needed someone to talk to about it. When I had Marshall I needed to meet Moms who had babies at the same time who understood the agony of getting up every three hours to breastfeed at night. I couldn’t call my fellow, single entrepreneur to bitch about that every day. What’s been so great is that as I add women to my life who are in similar phases as me, I become closer to my older friends because I am not putting so much pressure on them to be my everything. When we were little, a lot of us had a best friend who we did everything with, they were our everything. But the nature of being a child is that we moved at roughly the same pace as the other kids our age. Adulthood is very different and I don’t think we can put the same expectations on our friends.

“I just have no idea where to meet people.”

First think about what phase of life you’re in, and what types of people you want to meet.  If you want to meet other women in corporate, I wouldn’t go looking for friends at a 2pm yoga class. If you want to meet other stay at home Moms, you’ll want to chat people up at the playground. If you’re an entrepreneur, likely chatting up the girl next to you in a cafe on her laptop is a good game plan.

Start with a question, “I like your yoga pants, where’d you get them?” “You baby is adorable, how old is he?” “That sandwich looks amazing! What is it? I’m totally getting that.”

Chances are they will ask you a question back.  Then you throw in (boldy). “We should totally get coffee sometime! What’s your number?” or “I’ll be back here tomorrow at 3pm, want to meet up?”

I’ve met great women at yoga, cafes, whole foods (I know, amazing), breastfeeding class, restaurants, lectures, retreats, on facebook… seriously random places. You just have to keep your eyes open and be very friendly.

Then make your meet up within the week, then again the next week, then (this is the important part) get them together with other people. Go on a group walk, or have lunch together. Community builds lasting and deep friendships.

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HOW I MET JADAH

She emailed me out of the blue about promoting Live More Weigh Less.
First Date: Samovar Tea Lounge for a business meeting that quickly turned into non-business conversation.
What sealed the deal: She was the coolest working Mom I had ever met and I was planning on starting a family soon (I was actually pregnant at the time but didn’t know it).


HOW I MET REBECCA

At a birthday party dinner followed by bangra dancing.
First Date: Co-working date, Rebecca was also an entrepreneur.
What sealed the deal: Our mutual dream for being in a musical theater production.


HOW I MET CLAUDINE

Spin Class. She was the instructor. I thought she was cool and got her number.
First Date: Walk around the lake in Golden Gate Park.
What sealed the deal: She instantly introduced me to all of her friends and made me feel so included.


HOW I MET MELANIE

We were both wedding industry peeps who recently moved to SF from NYC.
First Date: Lunch date at Cafe Gratitude.
What sealed the deal: When the waitress asked us what we’re grateful for and we said “New friends” at the same time.

“I’m worried a new friend will just end up betraying me, I always seem to get burned.”

I think this fear has a lot to do with what I talk about in the beginning about making one friend your everything. Friends are not romantic partners. The reason why we (usually) have one romantic partner is because it’s a lot of work! But we are designed to have more than one friend. This isn’t always the case, but whenever I hear a story about someone being betrayed or burned by their friend is because one of them was treating the other like a partner, and one of them was treating the other like a friend.

“Am I too much for people?”

A very brave woman posted on Instagram that she has cancer and is afraid that people will feel like being her friend is “too much”  I think it’s important to have an energy of “This is my story, but I am strong, I am independent and I am not needy.” I have a lot of friends who go through challenges, and they never expect me to fix them. Sometimes I feel pressure to have all the answers for them, but I’m working on pulling back. I know that if I want to support and take care of a friend, it comes from love and a deep desire for me to nurture them. It makes me feel good to take care of them. I have had a really hard time asking for help in the past because I don’t want to feel like I’m “too much” but now I see that helping me brings my friends joy. I also know that if someone can’t swoop in when I’m having a hard day, it doesn’t mean they’re a bad friend, they just have to take care of themselves right now.

“I’m worried if I reach out, I’ll look stupid, or awkward and they’ll think I’m weird.”

Everyone feels like this. I feel like this all the time. It’s leftover playground trauma. Sometimes you will look stupid, sometimes you won’t. It’s no big deal. Life is no longer a popularity contest, it’s just a game of “are we compatible? do we like each other?”  Maybe if you seem awkward, the other person will think, “yes! someone who is as quirky as me!” and you have an instant comfort with each other. Most women want to make new friends and most women aren’t brave enough to do it. I guarantee that if you make the first move, she will be eternally grateful.

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Here’s what I want you to do, go strike up a conversation with a new friend by the end of the day tomorrow. Be friendly, be bold, be awkward. It’s ok. In the comments below I want to hear why making friends is hard for you and a possible solution. I also would love to hear how your friend making goes the next two days.

Love,

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Images by Bess Friday. Styling by Melanie Kluger.

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  • Charlotte

    Love this post Sarah, thank you. I’m introverted and can find it hard to go out there and make new friends. I’m okay with the initial striking up of a conversation but I end up lacking confidence in the building up of the relationship. For example, I don’t tend to invite people to meet again in case they don’t want to and I put them in a difficult position of having to say No or doing something they don’t ‘want to do! I’ve never had a reason though to believe that people don’t like me or I’m not a nice, fun person to be around, so it’s strange?? Totally insane! Thanks for your encouraging post today! I will endeavour to do your challenge!

    • Charlotte, I feel the exact same way! I’m okay at saying hello and meeting new people, but then it doesn’t go anywhere because I assume they just want to get back to whatever they’re doing and not be bothered! So silly.

      • Sarah Jenks

        Yes, ladies. I can almost bet after you strike up a conversation and invite them for tea or coffee or share about something you enjoy doing to see if they have the same interests and may want to join you. It seems so simple, and yet it is and also very effective! Let me know how it goes.

  • After feeling like I didnt catch up with my girlfriends enough last year, My guiding word for this year is connection. Even since settling on it a couple of weeks ago ive been feeling more connected by reaching out to old friends and stepping out of my comfort zone to make new ones (im usually a total introvert!) Feels great 🙂

  • Loved this post! Great ideas at perfect timing for me as I head back to college after some time off. It was a much needed reminder that a potential friend will likely be so grateful and flattered that you were brave and risked looking silly to become her friend. A bit nervous, but definitely taking this challenge! 🙂

    • Sarah Jenks

      I can’t wait to hear how it goes for you Kerry. Keep us posted. xo

  • I found early motherhood a great time for making friends. I met a group of smart, interesting women who, although we loved being with our kids and were committed to being with them in their early years, desperately needed intelligent adult conversation. Now our kids are teenagers and we get together for dinners instead of playgroup.

  • Meghan

    It’s so funny that you posted this. I have been struggling in this department and went to bed thinking about it, upset. Not only is this one of the first times in my life that I am not in a romantic relationship, but I am feeling the social implications of it as well, because I am spending a good amount of my time alone. While independence is great, I am so greatful that you took the time to post these tips! What a wonderful gift from the universe 🙂

    • Sarah Jenks

      Hi Meghan,

      I’m so glad this came at just the right time for you. Reach out here for support if you need it, but more importantly reach out and let us know which tip worked the best for you and how things go.

      Sending you so much love and support.

  • Oh, Sarah! Your timing is always spot on. I don’t think I got together with just the girls once last year! One of my goals for this year is to refresh the relationships I’ve let go. As I have grown in my profession and garnered new interests I feel as though I have nothing in common with my friends anymore. They all have children, I don’t. They all have jobs in a different field than I. They are not active outdoors and we hike, hunt, and snowmobile. I feel LOST and ALONE. With your encouragement I have just emailed five of my current friends and suggested we get together for a glass of wine and girl talk next Wednesday. I have never done anything like that! Thank you, Sarah! Take care!

    • Sarah Jenks

      Yes! Way to go Karla. Let us know how it goes. I just know you are going to have a wonderful time.

      • Quick update. It was great! Three old friends and one new acquaintance (now friend!) showed up. It was awkward the first hour and then we all just became more and more comfortable and the conversation flowed. We even made a date for next month before we went home. I can’t thank you enough, Sarah, for the encouragement. You’re awesome!

        • Karla, this is awesome! Thank you for keeping us updated. I’m so happy to hear how things went.

  • What a timely post. I lost sleep last night thinking about how much of a hermit and that I don’t have many friends. I had decided to change that and then your post. Thank you for the insight, I am going to share with my “friends” but I want this year to be a year where I make new friends.

    • Sarah Jenks

      Let us know how it goes Sarah and if you have any other friend making tips, we’d love for you to share. xo

  • Wow I SO needed to read this today! I’ve definitely “thrown away” friends based on what was happening in my life. I tend to be very guarded and introverted, and it has left me without close friends to talk to. I’ve decided this year would be different. I’m forcing myself to go out to networking events, to meet up with other women, and to be open enough to let the right ones in. Your blog post was confirmation that I NEED to do this. Thank you so much Sarah!

    • Sarah Jenks

      You’re welcome Maisa. Keep us posted. I want to know how things go for you 🙂

  • Chris

    I think it’s especially tough to make friends now that I’m over 50; having gone so long without a “posse” to support me through the last ten years or so, I quit trying to find any. (When you homeschool and then stop, I guess those disapproving “friends” are lost forever. And, when you leave a church, you can abruptly learn that you never had any real friends there, either.) As an only child, I’ve spent most of my life figuring it out alone anyway. I finally concluded that it simply must take too much work to be my friend and, so, I don’t have any. It puts a completely different spin on the meaning of happiness. I tend to ignore that word now and occasionally shoot for contentment. It’s difficult to find even a little validation most days so I’m beginning to shun the idea of contentment, too. One of these days, I’ll figure out how to continue to breathe all backed into this corner. Fingers crossed. Until then, I’ve made it my (almost) daily goal to contribute to the happiness of others. It amazes me to find people who seem to “get it right” with no apparent effort. I will continue to dream…….

    • Sarah Jenks

      Hi Chris,

      I have a feeling you may not be looking in the right places. Think about all the things you like to do for fun and look into community events relative to your interests. I’m certain there are other women in your community who would love to welcome a wonderful woman such as yourself into their circle. It may feel uncomfortable at first connecting with strangers, but I love how you said that you make it a daily goal to contribute to the happiness of others. I’m certain with all of the lives you are touching, there’s space for some wonderful friendships to blossom. xo

  • Jennifer S

    I do not have issues making friends. I’m very outgoing and can chat with a brick wall (it annoys my kids endlessly). What I find is that I’m always the person doing the inviting or asking to do stuff. That gets really draining super fast. I know people are busy and stuff, but I just want to be asked once in a while. I to feel like my friendships are 50/50 or even 75/25 but I mostly find it’s 90/10 with me doing everything. Is it me or am I just reaching out to the wrong people?

    • Sarah Jenks

      Hey Jennifer, what if you mentioned to your circle of friends that you’d love to take turns planning get togethers and things to do each month? Take the lead for the first month and then ask who is up for planning the next month. You can each pass it off from one person to the next. I think it could be a lot of fun for everyone because you”ll find that you’re probably meeting up at new places and trying new things. Let me know how it goes!

  • Stephanie

    Finding more friends is the one thing I seem to start action on but I never follow through. I definitely relate to being “too much” for people. I have agoraphobia and, even though my friends know this, they have left me with the impression that I am a “bad friend” because I can’t always be there. I have always wanted a super close connection with someone other than my partner but my current friends act like I don’t want friends and I treat them like a bother, leaving me doubting if I have the energy for more friends. I am going to try to think of a way to follow through a bit more this week–might try inviting a really old friend, that I haven’t spoken to in a decade, to an event I know we are both interested in.

  • LEann

    Thank you so much for this post, Sarah. I feel like I’ve lost a lot of friends over time,I like how you said sometimes people just have to take care of themselves.I’ve been meaning to reach out to a few women I’m interested in making my friends. Your post is giving me courage to just go for it! Thanks!

  • I’m so glad you’re back Sarah! I love the little case studies of how you made your new friends. A couple of years back I kind of gave up on meeting new people but in the last year have made some great new ‘interwebs’ friends 😉 and now I’ve started a new job, I have connected with some wonderful women. Keep going ladies, it’s so worth it!

  • LaKay

    After 3 miscarriages in 2 years, (the last being December 17th), I have been feeling like I wanted to move to someplace new and be surrounded with new energy in my life. My husband and I have been discussing it pretty obsessively. Last night I hosted/attended the monthly event for women entrepreneurs that I helped launch in my town. I was looking around at this group of amazing women – starting/running amazing businesses and listening to their dreams for 2015, their struggles and successes in their business, their desires for community and fundraising, and their general love of everyone in the room. I sat and watched as people interacted with love; people whose paths may have never crossed found connection in meaningful ways; and everyone agreed they wanted to find more women to bring into the group. I was so very happy. And every person in the room hugged me and told me that they had been thinking about us in light of this most recent struggle. These women make me my best self. And I fell asleep wondering if I could ever find a group of friends like this in any other place in the country – and if we should really be thinking about moving away.

    • Hi LaKay, this is a tough one, but I would ask your inner-wise self what she most needs and trust your gut and follow your intuition. I’m sending you so much love and support.

  • Love this post! When I was getting ready to move to NYC I read MWF Meets BFF and it was so helpful. I’ve gotten pretty bawdy about asking people out for friend dates and while some have been utterly awkward, the ones that have gone well were incredible. When I shifted full time to my business I cut back a little on the whole “go to every event and meet everyone and make all the friends!” goal. Now I’m seeking out more of a tribe, specifically women entrepreneurs-turned-friends to cowork and chat with as we build our dream lives!

    • Kait, I definitely have a similar group and these women have been instrumental in my business growth. Definitely a tribe worth seeking out.

  • Cara

    This was a wonderful post and exactly what I needed to hear today. I have the problem of growing and leaving my friends behind. I feel constantly like most of my friends aren’t on the same wavelength and sometimes it feels forced. But perhaps you are right, maybe I am trying to make them my everything instead of just clicking over what we do and making that be okay. 🙂

    • Try it out Cara and see how it goes. You may find yourself coming back to these friends more and more and deepening your relationships with them, which doesn’t mean they have to be your go-to gal pal when you’re in need of support, but one of the many. xo

  • Nikka Rose

    I think meeting new people isn’t hard, but finding a friend in them is discerned through trial and error. I’ve had to cut people out of my life because they ended up being “fake” and “users” in the end and I refused to be disrespected like that. I consider a friend to be someone you can trust especially if you confide in them to keep a secret. A friend also doesn’t trash talk you behind your back and doesn’t try to make you look bad to others especially to people in your social circle. A friend also doesn’t repeatedly keep asking you for money or over exhaust your generosity by taking advantage of you one way or the other. I think it’s okay to be selective of your friends and if they don’t respect your boundaries, then they are probably not worth keeping. I believe people treat you how you treat yourself and how you allow them to treat you. Sometimes a handful of genuine, good-hearted friends is more than enough. I also believe that you don’t need a lot of friends, just people in your life that you know you can trust, that are positive, supportive, reliable and uplifters. Good friends can be hard to find, but if you are a good friend to yourself than maybe the path will open for good people to come into your life.

    • Nikka, I really liked the part where you said: I believe people treat you how you treat yourself and how you allow them to treat you.

      This is so true in so many of our relationships, not just friendships.

  • Erika

    I used to use alcohol to make myself feel less awkward in those new situations where you’d have to be social and potentially meet new friends. About seven moths ago I stopped drinking. For a slew of my own reasons. I am awkward. I am. I’m silly and strange. I range from being extremely social to a total introvert. It just depends on the day and the vibe I’m getting from a person. I am learning to own that awkwardness and let me tell you, I laugh a lot more in social situations now.

  • This was a great read and very inspirational. I liked what you said about feeling stuck about not having friends. I feel like I placed much of my energy on not being social or having the type of friends i want. So much that I avoided invitations from potential friends. After reading this post, I accepted an invitation for wine and hair dying and also reached out to another person I felt a strong connection with. I look forward to changing my perspective on friends and making great and lasting friendships. THANK YOU.

    • How did your hair coloring and wine get together go? If all went well be sure to set another date to get together.

  • Hi,

    I read your post and chuckled. “I don’t make friends easily,” was my story. It was my story since the time I was about five years old. I don’t have any friends was also part of that story. I totally didn’t know how. It was an integral part of my being — what’s funny is that I totally make connections easily. At work I’m always one of the most popular people. People turn to me for support and coaching. I’m also not bad in group situations. I think my story helped me develop.

    I don’t know when it happened exactly (last year sometime), but I’ve changed the story. I’ve also changed my definition of friend. I’ve also accepted that friends will come and go. I’ve removed the expectation of what a friend should be. They are not my ALL. That’s actually a GOOD thing.

    What i’ve discovered about striking up conversations in weird places is that people love it. They love the connection even if it just for 1/2 hour.

    Love & Light,

    Nathalie

    Since I suck at being

  • This is such a timely post I just stumbled upon but one that I must have been meant to see for a reason. I made a group of new friends, or so I thought, almost a year and a half ago. We have met weekly at a local restaurant without fail. I drive the farthest, about 20 minutes one way and through any kind of weather. They either are only a block or two away or up to only a couple of miles. I have asked them if we could meet at a closer restaurant, somewhere in the middle, just once in a while, for which we did only on two occasions (and two of them didn’t come). They all have good paying jobs while I was laid off and struggling. I thought that this was a simple request. I thought that a compromise, even just once a month, would not be too much to ask. I was wrong. I have voiced how disappointed I feel that they are choosing a restaurant over a “friend” but no one seems to mind, or be willing to change their routine. I am so disappointed because I thought we always had a great, fun time. Although I feel that I would rather know now that they are not flexible, it still hurts. I have stopped meeting them at all because I now feel that this “friendship” is too one-sided and if they have ignored my feelings on this simple request, then they cannot be trusted to be there for me in other ways, unless it is convenient for them. Intellectually I know that changing places only 12 times out of 52 is not a hardship, but it still hurts my heart because I looked forward to our dinners each week.

    • Great job for speaking up for yourself. Have they reached out to see why haven’t been attending? If so, I encourage you to be honest. If not, I’d like to suggest using this as an opportunity to welcome a new group of women into your life, we always have space for new friends.

      • Hi Sarah, I wanted to update you on what’s been happening since I last posted. I reached out to one of the ladies and we had a lengthy conversation. She, too, had been wanting to switch it up as well. She continues to meet with the group most weeks and has tried to bring up the topic again of trying other places but everyone else just shoots her down and says that they are happy where they are eating at. I still have not been there since early Jan. when I spent most of the night looking from one to the other thinking to myself that I was so surprised that no one could compromise and I could feel myself distancing from the group. No one else has reached out to me. I don’t think I can move on from this and just keep going weekly knowing that this group is so self centered, rigid and unwilling to compromise. We have been knee deep in snow since November, but I don’t think I can even return in a few weeks when the weather finally improves. The fact that they have all ignored my wishes tells me so much. I was thinking that I could go once in a while, but at this time, I don’t even think that is in my best interest. I am leaning toward closing this door and making room for what is to come,

        • I’m so glad you sent in an update. I think it’s time to let this door close and move on. There’s no need to carry around this extra weight and burden. Use this as an opportunity to call in a new group of women that better fit your lifestyle. xo

  • Hannah

    I like to think I’m pretty extraverted and getting to know other women has not been a big problem. What is a big problem is that I find it hard to convert a great acquaintance into a real friend (maybe this is me dichotomizing things in the wrong way?) and to keep up with old friends. It takes time that I don’t feel I have. Scratch that, I just don’t have it. Bit of background: I’m a PhD student, a mom of two awesome little girls of 4 and 2 years old, my husband takes on a ton, but he’s got a full-time job himself and needs to travel a lot for his work. I also moved continents to be together with him in the US and left behind all my family and friends in Europe. As there is so little time and I’m already writing all day and the work deadlines just keep coming, I find it near impossible to keep email contact up with the European crowd in addition to the weekly Skype sessions with my parents. Many people in my program are great, but social life in academia is so transient: at the end of this year, my cohort is going to sprawl across the globe. I wish there was more time and stability to build lasting friendships. Thoughts?

    • Hi Hannah! Are you able to delegate some of the tasks in your life to make space for having extra time to stay connected. For me, I hired my assistant, now Business Manager to take on some of the day to day work-related activities and also hired a housekeeper to help with errands and cleaning up so I was able to free myself up from those tasks. I also use a personal assitant to help run errands and it saves me a ton of time. A personal assistant or housekeeper doesn’t have to cost you a ton, you can use them on an as-needed basis and the time it saves you is worth every penny you spend on it. I hope that helps!

  • Melinda

    I had a little cry over this one. I had made my list of things I would want to do when I was thin from “I Know What to Do, I’m Just Not Doing It”, and the first two things on my list were (1) have friends, and (2) go out with friends. Then, just like I stumbled across this website, I stumbled across this article. I’m a big believer in things happening as they should!
    I do have some friends, but we have evolved into Facebook friends. My husband and I spent twenty years moving about due to his military career, and I ended up making and then letting go so many friends, I think I gave up a little bit. I also think that getting older – I’m 49 now, it gets a little trickier. I think (and it’s probably just a misconception) “Everybody’s got their friends already lined up. They don’t need me”. My friends that are now in the city I call home for now – I haven’t seen in years because I’ve gained so much weight.
    Anyway, that paragraph all sounds like a big “pity party” to me when I read it back to myself. I’m going to screw up the courage to “come out” with my weight, and see my old friends I miss so much. Then we’ll see where else I can take this. Thank you for the article!

    • Sarah

      Hi Melinda,
      Again, excellent work. Thank you for sharing your experience with this community as a wonderful example.It’s totally okay to express how you’re feeling, but I’m so glad that you ended with your action step. Your past, current, and potential friends are waiting for you!

  • Bethany

    Loved this article – such useful information for an introvert like me! Question….I have a friend that I adore and we have a blast when we are together one on one. The problem is that she is very chilly towards my other friends, whom I have known a lot longer. It is very awkward to chat with her about the experiences I have with my other friends, such as sharing details about a fun dinner or a funny conversation. This side of her really bothers me, and I am not sure how to handle it. It doesn’t feel right to exclude her, but I am not sure what to do. Help!!

    • Sarah

      I’m glad it was helpful, Bethany! I’d refer back to the paragraph under ““I DON’T HAVE A LOT IN COMMON WITH MY FRIENDS ANYMORE, SHOULD I MOVE ON AND FIND NEW ONES?” It sounds like you enjoy spending time with this friend, but that it’s better to chat about certain topics rather than others. You could just keep that in mind. But, it also sounds like this side of her makes you uncomfortable. Have you ever gently confronted her about this?

  • Rita Pickern

    This is such an incredible find at a perfect moment in my life. Your writing style & content feel like I am reading my brain on my mac’s screen. I could hug the heck out of you right now! Thank you for being vulnerable and spending this time of your life producing this kind of content. I feel like you “get me”.

    We have 4 kiddos under 10, we just moved half way across the country (Oregon to Colorado) to take over a rather large business, I’ve been married and feeling like we need to build community – but how? need to lose 30 pounds – but how? really just want to be enthusiastic about life – but how? reading your wisdom is making me breathe and think and act.

    Thanks, sista!

  • Amanda

    I loved this article Sarah! I have had a really hard time making friends ever since I was a little girl. I have always been an extremely sensitive person and tend to always get my feelings hurt by people. As a little girl, I got bullied a lot by the kids and I still have left over insecurities from it. It got to the point that 6 weeks into my freshman year of highschool, I had to transfer out to do independent study because I was so miserable. I no longer had any friends and was eating lunch in the locker room alone. I feel like my “making friends skills” never were developed properly, but I do know that I am a really bubbly and kind person and I have every right to have awesome friends! I have had a difficult time now as an adult because 1) I don’t meet new people because I don’t go anywhere new. 2) I have two friends that I make time for, but I feel like they don’t understand me so it feels forced. I am going to try out a new Zumba class in a different town tomorrow and see if I can try and spark up some conversation with someone. I want to meet someone close to my age, so maybe going to an evening class will be good when most are off work rather than during the day time. Thanks for the article!! Xoxo

  • Samantha

    I have always struggled to find friends. I have an amazing group of friends from college and high school and I know we will be friends for life, but unfortunately distance has gotten in the way. I have big time social anxiety about situations in which I don’t know anyone. This goes back to years of getting bullied as a child, and not having appropriate social skills. I panic when I talk to new people because I never can think of good questions to ask, so the conversation just fizzles out. I think it depends on the area too. In my area, if someone were to ask me out for coffee after complimenting my dress, I would think its weird, while it may be normal in other areas. Meetup is a great site, but I have never attended a meetup because of my anxiety, and most of the groups meet in bars and I don’t want to do that!

    • Hi Samantha- thank you for being brave and exploring new opportunities to meet friends. Try to think of 2 things you can say to potential friends and then a few options of where you could meet up- a cafe or a bookshop. I invite you to realize you are amazing and unique and you can make friends. Sending you a hug!

  • Thank you for that post. I know a lot of people who are going through this, including myself – mainly b/c we’re in our 30’s and everyone is paired up, having a baby, or moved away. It’s so hard. I think I struggle a bit with the “I’m too much” syndrome, not from anything traumatic like an illness or anything but more b/c of what I think can come off as a very intense, personality. It’s so hard to just walk up to people to, I have been with my husband forever so I never really did the dating scene too tough but honestly, meeting new girlfriends feels totally like I’m dating. It’s hilarious. I’ll work on the tips you gave. Thanks for sharing!

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