I hear this from my friends and clients all.the.time… I just can’t find a balance between taking care of my kids, running the house, getting my work done, and finding time for myself!
Do you ever feel like at the end of the day, week, month, or even year, that there’s nothing left for you? Like when you look back, the best you can say is that you survived?
The problem is that when we stay in this survival spiral, when we feel like we have all of these things we have to tend to before we can take time to tend to our own well-being and dreams, we miss the whole point of being alive – to enjoy it and leave a mark… no matter the scale.
Maybe when you look at all of the things you’re doing, so much of it sounds fun, it’s things you want to do, so why does the actual experience of doing them feel so draining? Why does it feel like no matter how hard you try, you can’t find balance? It’s just go, go, go all the freaking time?!
This is the conclusion I’ve come to:
Women are doing a bunch of shit we don’t want to do.
And all of this stuff we don’t want to do is taking up so much space in our days, but we don’t even acknowledge that we’re doing it because we feel like it’s “just part of life,” and at the end of day we’re so confused about how little we got done of the things we wanted to do – and yet we’re so exhausted and drained. Where did the day go?!
There are easily 100 ten-minute tasks we do in a week from dropping off the mail, filling out paperwork for school, calling the plumber, doing the dishes from breakfast, feeding the pets, sweeping the floor, picking up a birthday cake for our friend, dropping off dry cleaning, picking up multivitamins for the kids, sending out an invite for our sister’s baby shower… I could go on and on.
100 ten-minute tasks add up to 17 hours. Add in laundry and going to the grocery store, and you’re at a solid 20 hours a week of running errands. No wonder you can’t find balance – you had a part-time job you didn’t even know about!
All of this extra stuff (that we rarely acknowledge we’re spending time on) keeps us in a constant state of movement and dissatisfaction. My friend Amy Ahlers taught me that the trick to balance is finding the “pause.” Imagine a ballerina – she’s swift and graceful, and the times she is “balancing” she is performing a moment of stillness. So if we can create days that have moments of stillness, we can find balance. But add in this part-time job of stuff we don’t want to do, and there’s no time for stillness.
If you’re now saying to yourself
Well, I have to do all those things…
If I don’t do them, no one else will…
No one else can do those things. I’m it…
…we have to talk.
The truth is that solving this problem isn’t as simple as delegation or saying “no.” You have to look at why all of this stuff is defaulting to you. And why you think you have no choice but to do it.
This pattern is a product of living in a culture that disempowers women. A culture that teaches us (mothers especially) that after our partners and children get to decide how they want to spend their time, that we then fill in all the gaps to make sure everyone is cared for, fed, and happy… while no one is doing the same for us.
No thank you, Patriarchy.
So how do we find balance? By having a deep understanding of how we’ve been brainwashed into putting ourselves last (and the sick reason why people in power want us to do that) and from that understanding, making an intentional choice about what we choose to take on and what we decide to let go of or delegate.
We’re going to be doing all of this and more at my new FREE online workshop:
Lost in the Shuffle of Your Life?
How to Pull Forward Your Most Alive, Confident, Soulful Self.
I really want you to experience balance. It might not look like you originally thought, but when I stopped doing all the shit I didn’t want to do (I’m going to tell you exactly how I off-loaded everything at my free workshop – emotionally and strategically), I finally had the space I needed to rest and hear my soul. And this deeper connection with my soul was what birthed this current season of my life that I am loving.
I so want this for you, and I can’t wait to dive deeper on March 13th.
P.S. When you attend the workshop live at 7pm ET, you’ll receive my “Sacred Living” Playlist! 100 songs to add more magic and inspiration to your daily life. All those songs you hear on my Instastories, now in one place for you to download and use in your life. To reserve your spot for free and get your playlist, CLICK HERE.
P.P.S. This message is something I believe women can really rally around. If you have some friends who would be into this, will you forward them this email? It’s so much easier to make changes when the people around us are doing the same thing.
Events at the Moon Lodge!
Simple actions to take your life back, know your worth & feel alive no matter how drained, overwhelmed and far gone you feel.