How 20 seconds a day can change your relationship.

Blog · Your Relationships


When women come to me to lose weight, the first thing we explore is what’s missing in their lives that they’re filling with food.  One of the top three things I see (besides an utter lack of fun and hating their jobs) is that they’re unhappy in their relationship.

Without being fed in this area it’s so common to eat ice cream at night (when we should be cuddling) or overeating our dinner in front of the TV (when we should be sharing about our days at the dinner table).  So instead of giving my client a meal plan or telling her to give up ice cream (fat chance), I go straight for the cause of the overeating: the relationship.

Now, it may feel like creating the perfect relationship is a daunting task, but I’ve discovered that there’s one thing you can do that can put everything on the right track, and it only takes 10 seconds.

It’s how you say goodbye in the morning, and how you say hello in the evening.

A rushed goodbye kiss in the morning as you’re pulling your bag over your shoulder, or barely glancing up from your breakfast as your partner bolts out the door is like saying my job, my coffee, the baby… is more important than you.  Getting that message every day can drive a pretty serious wedge in between you.

A half-hearted peck when you see each other after a long day screams, “ugh, you again?” and can set the energy for a lackluster, sexless night.

Instead, I want you to try this:

In the morning, when it’s time to say goodbye, put down what you’re doing, stand up, give them a long (at least 5 seconds) kiss and then when you pull away keep a point of contact like your hand on their face, holding their hand or touching their arm and say “have a great day” and mean it.  Extra credit if you throw in a “I can’t wait to see you tonight” or “I’ll miss you”.

In the evening, whether you are home first or walking in the door, drop everything (your bag, your TV show, cooking, your email) rush over to them (moving physically towards them is key) and plant a long passionate kiss on their lips. Extra credit for some tongue.  Smile.  Look excited to see them.  And simply say “I’m glad you’re home” or “I missed you today”.

I promise, this sh*t works.

You may feel vulnerable, awkward or uncomfortable the first few times, but soon you’ll see the incredible impact this 20 seconds is having on your relationship, your happiness and your waistline.

I want to invite you to commit to doing this everyday for a week, just to see what happens.  What’ve you go to lose?



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