It’s Not Too Much To Ask

Blog · Your Relationships

We’d been living in our dream home for a few months… Jonathan was finally making money after 11 years of me supporting us through medical school and his surgical residency. We had two healthy kids and another one on the way. This was the season we were waiting for, dreaming about, working towards… but I was miserable.
I sat Jonathan down on the couch and told him I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t asking for a divorce, but it was a serious conversation.
He was irate.
“WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT!? I make money, I help with the kids, I share the workload around the house, I do so much more than most husbands.”
“I WANT A HAPPY HUSBAND!!!” I shouted through tears, “I want an equal partner AND a happy husband. I don’t want a butler and a bank account, I want YOU. I want to feel like you want to be with me, like you want to be here, like you have purpose and meaning, like you LIKE your life. I want to talk about the meaning of the Universe and go skinny dipping together and be held in my emotions without feeling like I’m going to knock you over.”
“I’m not sure I know how to do that.”
I went on to explain how one would cultivate meaning in their life, know themselves, know their purpose, and experience JOY.
It’s a foreign concept for men, and Jonathan had watched me delve into my own inner work for years, but he just felt like it wasn’t for him — it’s super taboo for men to work on themselves. And his medical training left zero space for any personal time, so I understood why he hadn’t dived in yet, but I knew that him doing inner work was critical for the future of our relationship.
I was tired of unconsciously holding myself back, worried I was going to outgrow Jonathan, or someday find more in common with a more conscious, awake man. I wanted an awake, spiritual partner, and I wanted it to be him! And when I asked for what I wanted, and I did the inner work to know I deserved it, Jonathan had the opportunity to know that he wanted it too. Of course, he wanted to be happy, to be a loving husband, to feel great in his body, have a spiritual life, and have an amazing relationship with me and our kids — but he was looking for that in all the wrong places.

Since that conversation, I have watched Jonathan transform into a completely different version of himself. Through therapy, courses, working with a life coach, reading personal development books, doing breathwork, going on retreats, and doing the Sacred Sons Leadership Training, he is everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. I feel met. I feel held. I feel like I am married to a happy, on-purpose, safe man.

At the beginning of 2022, he opened his first group coaching program, Men’s Work: A Guys Guide to Growth, and held a 6-week container with incredible men from all over the world. Jonathan is a genius at making inner work feel very approachable. He’s a full-time physician, college football player, and father of 3 kids, which makes him incredibly grounded and no-nonsense. I think it’s the best program for men who are new to inner work, think it’s perhaps a bit weird but know that they need to change or want to create a life with more meaning.

If you know a man who would benefit from this work, I hope you’ll share it with them – Women have been waking up for years, it’s time the men had their chance.

And please know, that if you’re with a man, you get to be with a man who does inner work, it’s not too much to ask.

Loving you.


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