I never liked my small breasts. I thought it was such a cruel joke that I wanted every part of my body to be smaller – smaller butt, smaller tummy, smaller cheeks – and yet, the one thing on my body that was supposed to be big, was small! I wondered if I was the only woman on the planet with a size 14 butt and A-cup boobs.
Years and years of positive body image work seemed to bypass my relationship with my small chest and it wasn’t until I was done breastfeeding my second child, that I knew something had to be done.
At that point, my body was even bigger and my breasts, once perky from the constant flow of breast milk were now flattened, deflated, I don’t know, tennis balls? I felt myself going down the rabbit hole of hatred, and unlike my butt or my belly, which I knew would heal and shift over time, I was stuck with my boobs.
Here’s what I did to embrace my chest…
1. I SHOWED my breasts that they are important. I could never find a bra that fit me. Often the band was too tight, or the cup size too big. I found the lace itchy and the padding unnatural. For a while, I wore one bra from Target every day. I was sending a message to my breasts that they don’t matter, they are ugly, they deserve to be uncomfortable. As long as I was sending that hateful message to them by forcing them into these uncomfortable bras, we were never going to be friends. So I did whatever I do when something isn’t going right, I ask the Goddess for a solution. A few weeks later I was connected with True&Co., a bra company that specializes in making bras for every shape and size of breast. We started talking and instantly saw a great opportunity to partner. They wanted real women to spread the word and I was in desperate need to give my breasts something they loved. In the process, I fell deeply in love with this company, its mission, its product… and my breasts as a result.
True&Co. was founded on the idea that the rest of the bra industry designed bras to have your boobs look good to others and not comfortable and supportive. Every bra company had a different fit, there is no one size fits all, and our breasts are also as unique as our fingerprints! So Michelle Lam gathered women of all shapes and sizes and had them try on 500 bras in her living room to study the fit of all the different bras, and what actually worked for women. What was most comfortable, most supportive, and made them feel the most beautiful and strong? Eventually, True&Co. developed their own line of bras based on the feedback of all of their customers. What has resulted is a very female-focused mission to help women feel comfortable in their own skin.
When I went to their headquarters in San Francisco, their top designer gave me a personal fitting. All I can say is… what a difference! She matched me with the perfect bras for my body. They have several ways for you to get help with your fit on their site. You can click the image below to get fitted now:
So when I arrived, I thought I was a 36A, maybe B on a good day. Turns out I’m a 38C but only a specific type of bra works for my breast shape. I put on a few options and felt instantly more in love with my breasts because comfort is the first step to love. We know this about relationships with other people, and it is the same when building a positive relationship with our body.
Comfort is the first step to love.
2. I stopped focusing on what my breasts look like and focused on what they are for. This is the most powerful practice we can do as women. Our culture has reduced the importance of our bodies to be pleasing things for others to look at. And if they are not, then we are not safe, worthy or successful. In Radiance we have been doing deep work around the brainwashing that we’ve become victims to. The way to heal this is to expand the reasons why our bodies are important. Meaning, what they are FOR, their purpose, their energy:
To begin, I want to touch on two physical attributes, our breasts produce milk to sustain the life of a human baby. Every time I am reminded of the intelligence of how our breasts produce the exact antibodies a baby needs and regulate the temperature of our babies’ bodies, my mind is blown.
Second, our breasts are here for our pleasure. When we feel open to intimacy, our nipples are a very important stop on the way to ecstasy. Taking our time with this part of the body usually catapults our overall pleasure to amazing heights.
Third, this is the coolest one for me, energetically our breasts represent nourishment. Think of it this way, how cool is it that the same part of our body is here to give nourishment in the form of milk, and also receive nourishment in the form of pleasure? This epitomizes the magic of being a woman: we are all things, multifaceted and cyclical. We need to both give nourishment and receive nourishment in order to feel whole and happy. We need to be balanced.
Once I got how my breasts are a sacred portal to my overall sense of nourishment, I started to tune into whether or not my give and take was in balance. Not even close. I took note of all the ways I was giving, and all the ways I was receiving, and the given column was much much longer. So I started to prioritize ways in which I loved receiving like asking for help, saying no a lot, getting bodywork, soaking in hot tubs, going out to beautiful healthy meals, getting more help around the house, and spending more time with Jonathan. Here’s the cool part, the more I embraced receiving, and the less I gave, the more feminine I felt, and the more I loved my breasts.
I have since discovered that Dr. Christiane Northrup has written extensively about how women who have breast cancer often report being a serious over-giver, and under-receiver. Wow.
Next time you are naked, I want you to imagine your body as an altar, temple, or home. The architectural part of this temple called your breasts lay right over your heart: the hearth of your home, the flame of your temple. Your breasts represent nourishment. How can you let the fire from your heart fuel what you need for nourishment? And how can you nourish your heart? Honor your breasts for all that they have been through, done for you, and represent. Then ask them what they need, what you need for nourishment. How can you get back into balance?
Complete the ritual by adorning them in something that honors them instead of disrespecting them.
To your sacred body,
Simple actions to take your life back, know your worth & feel alive no matter how drained, overwhelmed and far gone you feel.