Suffering from Instagram-envy?
We all do it… the daily scroll through Instagram and Facebook to look at pictures of everyone’s seemingly perfect lives. First, we’re jealous…
I wish my life looked like that.
I wish I had as much money as she does.
I wish I was more beautiful.
I wish I owned a house like that.
I wish I had more time to do that sort of thing.
I’m just not that crafty.
And then sometimes we get angry at them…
I wish people would post pictures of what their lives are really like.
She’s so fake.
I bet she’s secretly miserable.
I’m just going to unfollow her, she makes me feel so bad about myself.
Maybe I should just get off of Instagram altogether, it just makes me feel worse.
I used to feel this way. Anytime someone posted a picture of themselves travelling, I’d first go into this woe-is-me spiral about how I can’t travel because I have kids, and I wished so hard I could take off to Bali or Tulum for some much needed sunshine.
Then I’d say something to myself like, “It’s so easy for her, she doesn’t have kids, she has no idea how free and easy her life is. I bet she doesn’t even know how lucky she is. She’s so ungrateful. I hate her. I hope she gets pregnant and her perfect, world-travelling life falls apart and she finally realizes what REAL LIFE is like. Women who aren’t mothers just don’t get it. UNFOLLOW!”
Or I’d see a “mommy blogger” who just took her children, decked in expensive organic dresses and vintage bonnets, out to collect pine cones to make a special craft and learn about the circle of life as part of their Waldorf-inspired homeschooling curriculum and wish that I had more time to do that kind of thing with my kids. I’d instantly feel like I was failing as a mother and wonder if my kids would be calmer and more grounded if we spent more time collecting pine cones in organic cotton and less time playing with plastic toys in cheap Old Navy t-shirts?
Then I’d say something to myself like, “It’s so easy for her, she probably has a rich husband and she doesn’t have to work. And she has two girls, girls are soooo much easier than boys. I bet her kids are so calm. My kids are insane and would never sit down and do a craft project. She has no idea what it’s really like to be a Mom because her kids are so easy. And probably really neat eaters. My kids would totally ruin those clothes. What a waste of money. She’s such a money waster and makes motherhood look so easy. Well, that’s not helpful. NO THANK YOU, MOMMY BLOGGER. UNFOLLOW!”
Are you guilty of this, too? Sure, maybe people could be better about showing real life on social media, but I don’t think that’s the problem.
The hard truth is that our own lives aren’t matching up with our desires. When we are unhappy and unsatisfied, we are going to look at everyone else’s lives and want more of what they have.
Jealousy is just a sign that we aren’t living in alignment with what we truly, deeply desire on a soul level.
But what I’ve discovered is that what I’m jealous of isn’t always a direct indicator of what I want. Often I’ll go through periods when I’m jealous of so many people who have vastly different lives, and that’s because I’m going through a time when I lack clarity about what I want.
Other times, I’ll know what I want but I’m not doing anything about it, so when I see someone who has what I want, I feel mad at them, but I’m actually pissed at myself for not prioritizing my dreams.
When I started to get clear on this pattern, I took it as an invitation to get clear on what I wanted. Turns out I didn’t want to travel to Bali. I didn’t want (keyword) to leave my kids for 2 weeks, and taking them with me sounded like a nightmare. But going to Tulum for 4 nights sounded amazing. And planning a few trips a year without my children to amazing locations – some with Jonathan, some with my friends – was exactly what I wanted.
As soon as I got clear on what I wanted, my jealousy eased up. As I started booking the trips, it completely disappeared. Now, if I ever find myself jealous of someone who’s travelling, I go grab my journal and ask where I’m not feeling self expressed with my inner bohemian traveller. Often I gain clarity on a trip that creates so much healing and excitement in my life.
When it came to being jealous of stay-at-home moms, I had to look really hard at how I wanted to mother. The truth was I didn’t want to be home full-time, but I also wasn’t happy with our old arrangement. As soon as I got clear that I wanted to have more 1:1 with each of my kids and do more baking and exploring the woods with them (circle of life project not required), I stopped being jealous of and judging other moms.
Here’s my invitation for you: if you’re sick of scrolling through Instagram and seeing everyone else live the life you wish you had, it’s time for you to get to work creating a life that is the fullest expression of your soul.
The first step is clarity.
The second step is recognizing the blocks to feeling empowered and worthy of your dreams.
The third step is developing the plan and strategy to make it happen.
If you want support with this process, this is exactly what we’re going to be doing at my new FREE Online Workshop:
Lost in the Shuffle of Your Life?
How to Pull Forward Your Most Alive, Confident, Soulful Self.
There’s nothing that breaks my heart more than seeing strong, smart, capable women feel like they aren’t living the lives they desire or deserve. I can’t wait to be with you to talk about this important topic.
P.S. When you attend the workshop live at 7pm ET, you’ll receive my “Sacred Living” Playlist! 100 songs to add more magic and inspiration to your daily life. All those songs you hear on my Instastories, now in one place for you to download and use in your life. To reserve your spot for free and get your playlist, CLICK HERE.
P.P.S. This message is something I believe women can really rally around. If you have some friends who would be into this, will you forward them this email? It’s so much easier to make changes when the people around us are doing the same thing.
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