Thoughts on my 35th birthday

I turned 35 yesterday.  To be honest, it felt like I turned 40, it was that big of a milestone.  This last trip around the sun has been a big transition from one season on my life to another.

A year ago, I had a 3-month old baby, found myself stressed about money and was back on the hustle train trying to launch in a way that too much for my system.  My body felt lethargic and low energy, I was using alcohol to medicate my overwhelm. Jonathan and I had no chemistry. Motherhood felt really overwhelming. It wasn’t pretty.

In January I vowed to make a change.  I let go of my team and changed the way I do business.  I focused on my work in Whole Woman, bringing them more depth and vulnerability than ever before.  I learned how to prioritize my health and well-being and completely changed my relationship with alcohol.  I spent more time with the trees than on my phone. Jonathan and I instituted weekly date night, and I started coming home at 3pm everyday to be with the kids instead of 5.

I worked less but made more money.

I spent more time with my kids but was less exhausted (though having 3 kids is extremely hard no matter which way you slice it).

I spent more time with Jonathan but also found more time for myself.

Life just isn’t linear.  It’s not about give and take, it’s about finding a win win.

This year has been the rest I needed to CELEBRATE and INTEGRATE having all of my children and supporting our family through it all, setting up our forever home, opening a retreat center, going on my own spiritual and health journey and building a beautiful and healthy company over the past 10 years.

So this birthday really marked the end of one chapter and the beginning of another.  A true milestone.

From this 9 months of rest (like winter energy) has sprung (like spring) a wealth of ideas and energy for all parts of my life, and I’m noticing that I need to be careful to not get back into old patterns of cramming and pushing.

So here are the vows I made to myself on my birthday so I don’t go back:

I vow to learn how to work in a way that supports the growth of my business and the growth of myself.  

I vow to mother in way that feeds my children and my soul.

I vow to open my heart to Jonathan even more deeply than I ever have and not close it for fear of rejection (yes this still happens after all these years).

I vow to deeply love, accept and take care of my incredible body home. 

I vow to deepen my relationship with the Sacred Feminine and do my part in grounding her in our culture through my writing, my teaching and my gathering.

So all of this is to say, life isn’t lived in a straight line.  It ebbs and flows like the seasons, the moon and the ocean. There are times when we all get too full and need a reset, and when we really give it to ourselves the best we can within our circumstances, the blooming is truly an experience of pure joy.

Moonday Prompt:

Today, on this Moonday, Rosh Hashanah (the Jewish New Year) and the day after the New Moon I invite you to simply find your journal and get honest with yourself about where you’re at.

Are you taking care of your body?

How does work feel?

Are you pushing and cramming every empty space?

Hows your relationship with your phone?

How is your relationship?

If you’re a mom, how is that going?

What is working? And what isn’t?  Are you pretending it’s spring when you’re really in a personal winter?

And what do you deeply deeply need right now?

I never could have felt like I am on the other side of something if I wasn’t honest about what I was on the wrong side of.  It isn’t comfortable to go there, but it’s important. You can do it.

I love you. Thank you for being here with me.

Love,

Sarah

P.S. Did you know that the most googled thing about me is my age?  Ha! Age is truly just a number, you can decide what it means. And for me, 35 feels like the biggest birthday I’ve had since I turned 18.