I almost gave up my life for my children
It’s been a while since we’ve connected here. To be honest, I struggle to keep up with all that’s expected of a person with an online platform these days. Posting well written articles to Instagram daily, throw in an educational dance reel, and a 20 minute workshop on IGTV, and I just completely exhaust myself on the regular.
Sending you an email every week has felt hard on top of everything. But I miss this intimate connection time. I always picture you sipping your coffee or sitting at your altar, taking 5-10 minutes for us to connect on what it means to be a woman these days.
So I’m taking the pedal off the social media gas a bit, and showing up differently there, and less, so I have more energy for this email time, because it’s important to me. I’ve been sending out emails, at least a few times a month for eleven and a half years!
I also know that you may not be on social media or miss my posts because of the algorithm. I also imagine that when you’re on social media, you just want to tune out and be entertained, and I have a tendency to be long winded, deep and bit extra 💁🏼♀️ when it comes to my writing, so I’ve decided to weave together some writing that connects and send it to you here, so you can sit with it, explore the questions and what it brings up with you.
I want our time together in your inbox to be a practice, a moment out of your week, which is so easily missed with a swipe of a finger, exhausted in between work projects or kid tantrums.
For the next few weeks, we are going to be exploring together, you and me, and as a community, how to remember that our body is sacred.
The past two years, I’ve been healing from birthing three children in four years. It’s been a journey wrought with pain, old trauma, patriarchal brainwashing, past life trauma … and also incredible beauty, profound awakening, and remembering the truth about my body: she is sacred.
As I am transformed from thinking about my body for her looks, to her divinity, so much has changed, and I am really looking forward to sharing what’s been happening for me, and sharing some tender parts that are in process right now.
Let’s dive in:
Often, I get caught in the labyrinth of body confusion; am I meant to learn to love my soft, round belly? Or do I need to worry about my estrogen levels and blood sugar?
Is this normal for having three babies? Am I allowed to even want a flatter tummy or does that make me shallow?
Where does my brainwashing of beauty standards end and my desire to be healthy begin?
Beauty and health are a slippery slope, until we remember the truth about our bodies:
They are sacred.
Without “The Sacred”, a Cathedral is just a fancy house. One could get caught up in how the beams or windows communicate God, and yeah you want to make sure the foundation isn’t rotting and the stained glass is clean, but also it’s not really the point is it?
When I remember that my body is my sacred home, The answer to all of my questions becomes very clear.
What is the sacred reason for having fat on my belly?
My body answers:
We all have fat, some of my fat is armor.
I know because my arms feel fluid, like wings or a river. And they are fleshy and soft.
But my belly feels like pain, darkness and shame.
When I go all the way into the depths of what I hold there, I often throw up.
Of course I would armor up.
So the question is not “how do I shed this armor”,
But instead, “how do I cultivate true safety in this body?”
The armor we carry as fat (again, not all fat is armor) is the side effect of a deep, profound wound. When we focus on the side effect, we miss the journey to healing, constantly chasing our tail.
I think the Patriarchy designed it that way, so we never heal our wounds.
So what does true healing look like?
There are days I feel so right. Like I chose the perfect body that is strong and undulates when the music is good, I take the perfect bite, or look at the sunset.
I feel like a tree with an energetic root system, born of the Earth, and deeply connected to the spirits of the land.
My body talks to me through spontaneous tears, laughter and sometimes pain … but when I meet it, hold it with love, the pain shares her sadness and fear, we cry and hug and move through it.
My desires spring from within, sending incredible pleasure and aliveness through my whole being. I don’t have to “talk myself into anything” or feel shame for my “no”. I open and close at my own unique rhythm.
I’m curious, does your body feel more like an obnoxious meat suit? Or your Sacred Temple Home?
How do you want to feel in your body?
What wounds are you carrying?
Feel free to write back and share with me, I may not be able to get back to you, but I’d love to witness you 🤗.
So much love,
Simple actions to take your life back, know your worth & feel alive no matter how drained, overwhelmed and far gone you feel.