How to get your inner mean girl to shut up

Blog · Your Body · Your Self


I don’t know about you, but I’m waaaaay harder on myself than anyone else could be. And I’ve noticed this trend among all the smart and successful women I know. It’s like we each have an inner bully​, or Inner Mean Girl, that loves to beat us up and point out any imperfection, constantly telling us we are not enough.

So when I met my friend, Amy Ahlers, at a dinner party a few years back and she told me about her program, Inner Mean Girl Reform School, I knew we had to connect.

Not only is Amy a fellow entrepreneur, but we had our babies just one day apart and she’s one of those women who seemed to instantly “get me”.  Her joy, brilliance and warmth is seriously one of kind and I am so thrilled to have her as this month’s blog babysitter.

Today, Amy is going to teach you how to stop being so hard on yourself. As you get to know and even love your Inner Mean Girl, you’ll find yourself lightening up in all kinds of ways (including in your body, but even more importantly, in your spirit). It’s all about waking up to more self-love and self-compassion. And treating yourself like a BFF.

And if you’re really ready to stop the self-bullying, I highly recommend that you join Amy and co-founder Christine Arylo, for one of their upcoming Inner Mean Girl Reform School webinars called: Stop Being So Hard on Yourself: 3 secrets to Transforming that Self Sabotaging Critic in your Head to a Self Empowering Ally instead!  You can register for free here.

And here she is…Amy Ahlers!

Amy Green Shirt Final

How to Stand Up to Your Inner Mean Girl

“You don’t deserve it.”
“Who do you think you are?”
“This will never work out for you, you know that, right?”

Recognize that voice? It’s the voice of your Inner Mean Girl. The one that is causing all of that self-bullying and self-sabotage. She’s negative. She’s catty. She’s judgmental. She compares your worst to everyone else’s best. In her eyes, you lose every time.  She spews cruel words at you and makes you feel like you’re in 7th grade again—and NOT in the popular group. Your Inner Mean Girl’s favorite thing to do is to make you feel small, inadequate, and unworthy. She’s always finding evidence to prove her theory: you are not enough. She’s harsher than any outer Mean Girl could ever be because she knows your hot buttons and loves to push em. And push em. And push em.

It’s time to stop letting your Inner Mean Girl run the show!

Try the tips below to stand up to your Inner Mean Girl once and for all:

  • Identify your Inner Mean Girl’s Top 10 List of places, situations and environments where she is likely to show up and criticize. Is it at work? Social events? In bed? Whenever you look in the mirror? Once you know what circumstances are likely to trigger her, you can be better prepared to deal with her.
  • Next, draw a picture of your Inner Mean Girl. Is she fat with big glasses? Perfectly pressed and all in pink? A slob with a cigarette in one hand and a martini in the other? Don’t worry if you think you can’t draw – no one will ever see this but you, so go for it!  And if you really don’t want to draw, can you find an image in a magazine or on the Internet that captures your Inner Mean Girl? It’s important that you have a clear mental image of that voice that tortures you.
  •  Get to know your Inner Mean Girl. Notice what makes her happy and notice what makes her power diminish. What happens if you just yell “Shut up!” at her? What if you just look her calmly in the eye and reassure her that everything is going to be all right? Maybe she needs a compliment every now and then? After all, Inner Mean Girls need love, too.

I’ve got news for you: your Inner Mean Girl is a liar.

She tells you big fat lies to try to maintain the status quo and keep you in your comfort zones. Even if your comfort zones aren’t all that comfortable. For example, poor body image, constant financial distress or any kind of addictive behavior can be an area where your Inner Mean Girl thrives. She will tell you over and over again that “you can’t change,” ​ “you’re fat and will always be,”​ and “you’re a loser.”

But that’s a lie. You can change; your body is a wonderland​ and you are certainly not a loser. In fact, you are magnificent.

Once you realize that she is a liar, see if you can’t catch her lying to you. (Hint: whenever you’re feeling bad about yourself, she’s probably right there with a megaphone.) Then do this simple three-step process to see through your Inner Mean Girl’s lies:

  • What’s my Inner Mean Girl saying?  Write it down. Can you identify the lies?
  • What does my Inner Wisdom know?  Write it down. Can you see the truth? (Hint: it helps to sometimes close your eyes and take a deep breath before asking this question. The truth is always there, waiting to set you free.)
  • Now write down an action you want to take in light of this new information. Is there something or someone you need to commit to? Something you must stop doing?  A new perspective you will hold?  Do you need to forgive yourself or someone else?

Here is the truth: your Inner Mean Girl is really a voice of insecurity and anxiety. Uncertain of her own power, she becomes a bully. Once you start really listening and writing down her rants and accusations, it’s easy to put her in her place.

The truth is, you are fabulous.

And I know, because my Inner Wisdom told me so.



P.S. I have so much more to share with you about how to turn down the volume of your Inner Mean Girl. In the past three years, over 15,000 women and girls have chosen to take their Inner Mean Girls to reform school. Join us here so you can stop the self-bullying & choose self love. ​

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