Is everyone talking about how fat you are?

Blog · Your Body · Your Self


It’s time for another Throwback Thursday, and I have to say, this one is one of my favorites because it’s the number one thing my clients complain about: that everyone is talking about them behind their backs.

But if it’s one thing I know, most of us have created this conspiracy theory out of thin air.

Here’s what I mean:

You know that feeling when you just know everyone is staring at you thinking, “I can’t believe she’s eating that” or “who does she think she is wearing that dress?” or “whoa, she really needs to lose a few”.

We’re scared to get together with an old friend, don’t want to go to that party, or hate eating in front of our co-workers because we just feel so judged.

And most of us think that the only way to get them to stop talking about us behind our backs is to lose weight.

Not true.

The reality is that these people are most definitely NOT talking about you behind your back. Maybe .0001% of the time someone is, but they are probably a loser who feels fatter than you.  What’s happening is you’re projecting.  Since you’re embarrassed by your eating habits and the way you look, you assume that’s all the people around you are thinking.  I know it feels real, but I promise, it’s all in your head.

To make it go away, you need to deal with the embarrassment.  But here’s the kicker, though it may feel like you are embarrassed by how you look, I know from experience that you are actually embarrassed by how you are taking care of yourself.

The most profound disappointment we experience as humans is not being in integrity with our desires.  Though we focus on our appearance, all of us have a “taking care of ourselves recipe” for what it will take to look a certain way.  When we’re at the perfect weight we imagine ourselves enjoying our food, eating lots of vegetables, moving our bodies, enjoying sex, wearing great clothes, smiling at strangers, getting our work done on time and being super relaxed.  But we believe that once we lose weight, that’s when we’ll start doing those things, but we actually need to do those things FIRST in order to lose weight.

When you are feeling like you couldn’t possibly show up to that party because you just look terrible, what you are actually experiencing is the deep disappointment of letting yourself down for not taking better care of yourself.  Our culture has just brainwashed us to think it’s all about how we look.

When my clients and I lay out a clear picture of what it looks like to take care of ourselves, and we stick to it, even for just two to three days, we can look exactly the same but feel completely different around our peers.  If you don’t believe me, I dare you to try it.

The key is laying out a recipe for taking care of yourself that is realistic and feels good, here’s mine:

Get lots of hugs and kisses from Jonathan and Marshall
Spend time with my girlfriends at least 5 days days a week, both one-on-one and in groups
Be thoughtful about my outfit and beauty routine daily
Drink lots of water
Keep my home clean, organized and filled with flowers
Move my body daily, or at least as much as I can, a little yoga, a little dance, a little pilates, lots of walks
Eat lots of leafy greens
Stand up straight
Eat organic when I can
Talk to my family and my far away friends regularly
Always eat without distractions, slowly, only when I am hungry
Do something really fun everyday
Eat chocolate, ice cream, bread and cheese when I feel like it, but only eat the best
Drink wine, but not too much, almost everyday
Eat dinner with Jonathan almost every night and really connect with him
Take many weekend trips and vacations
Have regular adventures

Even on this plan my weight fluctuates with my periods, extra eating on the weekends, vacations, odd cravings, moving my body more or less… it’s just part of life, gaining and losing, especially for women.

But when I am in integrity with what it looks like for me to take care of myself, I never feel judged.  Maybe because I know that if I was, I could confidently say “this is the life I am consciously choosing, and this is what my body is doing this week as a result.  I’m happy, I’m loved, I feel beautiful, that’s what matters.”

Today, I want you to write down your recipe for taking care of yourself, and I’d love for you to give us some of the highlights in the comments below.

And I want you to see if after you stick to it for a few days, if your feelings of being judged start to fade away.

Can’t wait to talk with you about this more.




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