Reflections on my Sacred Initiation
For the past seven years, I’ve been training to be a Priestess of the 13 Moon Mystery School. The fact that I can even write the word “Priestess” is a testament to my growth in owning who I am, out loud and in the daylight. It took me 6 years of hiding who I really was, of feeling the exhaustion of pretending to be someone I wasn’t and the anxiety of being found out, to finally come out of the (broom) closet and own that I am Magical Woman.
I spent a good part of my adult life hiding my crystals in drawers when people came over and hiding my true self under polo shirts and pearls (no offense to my polo + pearl sisters, rock it if that’s your authentic style, but for me it was a disguise).
After being made fun of as a little girl for being overweight (kids on the bus would chant “SUMO SUMO SUMO” when I walked on the bus), I so desperately wanted to fit in. Standing out meant being ridiculed and ostracized. Fitting in meant safety and belonging. By the time I got to college, I had mastered the game of being “liked.” Since there were 24 Sarah’s in my graduating class, I became known as “Social Sarah.” I went out almost every night, dressed like everyone else, got drunk enough (“fun drunk college girl” but not too drunk to stand out), I hosted parties, gave up on my love of singing and dancing, and was constantly trying to maintain my size 8 status. I just tried to never rock the boat. This lasted long into my twenties when I worked in advertising and even as I grew my business, Live More Weigh Less.
For years while I was growing my business, I was doing things like borrowing my friend’s convertible during the week to take photos in preppy clothes for my business while on the weekends I was gathering in sacred circle with feather-earring-wearing sisters. I believed that if I came out as who I really was, my whole business would fall apart, my family would think I was crazy, and my “normal” friends would start to feel distant.
Then I hit rock bottom. I had two kids under two, was trying to financially support my family while Jonathan was in his surgical residency, I was not bonded with my oldest child who was biting me and my baby girl at least 20 times a day, and Live More Weigh Less (my only source of income) stopped making money. I was looking at rent to pay, $30K in monthly business expenses, childcare, and life expenses.
I was on the brink of losing it all. Everything that I was working so hard to “perform” for, wasn’t working anymore. In that moment, I knew I could keep pushing and playing the role, or I could let it all go and surrender to being ME.
Coming out of hiding and speaking my truth was the scariest, most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Every time I sent out a blog about the Divine Feminine or posted something on Instagram about my altar, I feared for my safety. Those feelings of being ridiculed on the bus came back in full force.
The only thing that got me through, that held me to the promise I had made to myself? Magic.
The Magic of the Moon, the magic of my sensuality, the magic of the stars, the magic of the Sacred Feminine, the magic of the web of energy, the magic of tarot and crystals and sacred plants. These practices and tools reminded me of how connected I am to the greater web of life and most importantly: who I am (for real) and what I am meant to do here on Earth in this lifetime.
Magic gave me the answers.
Magic gave me the courage.
Magic gave me the path.
30 years ago, Yoga was considered super weird. Now if you’ve never been to a yoga class, people give you a funny look. People now get the power of moving your body in a sacred way and connecting to the light within us.
I believe that Magic is the new Yoga. It is a very practical tool that guides us back to who we really are and shows us what we are here to do. And (speaking from experience) if we don’t show up for our soul assignment, our life is going to be in a constant state of exhaustion, overwhelm, resentment, and disarray.
This is why I created a free program called Magic Week where you will get daily Magic Lessons from different magic makers delivered to your inbox from the Full Moon on October 24th until Halloween on October 31st.
We are kicking it off with a special online Full Moon Circle + Ceremony, “Full Moon Magic: Discover Who You Are and Why You’re Here.” During this workshop, you will uncover the lies and challenges that have kept you from being the most authentic YOU, experience how the Moon, Seasons, and Elements can lead you to your soul, and real-life strategies to BE YOU in your daily life (even if you’re worried about what the people you love will think).
It’s totally free, and you can sign up on this page: MagicWeek.me
On the comments on the blog I’d love to hear about your relationship with Magic. Do you long for more? Are you open about it? Do you hide your true self from the people you love the most?
I’d love to know.
So much love,
P.S. I’ve asked the most incredible women to join me for Magic Week. See who will be guiding us on the week leading up to Halloween by clicking here.
Simple actions to take your life back, know your worth & feel alive no matter how drained, overwhelmed and far gone you feel.