Do You Feel Obligated To Have Sex? 7 Steps To Releasing The Pressure

Blog · Your Relationships

WARNING: I’m about to talk about sex, if that makes you uncomfortable I suggest you read something a little more PG like this.

Do you ever hear yourself thinking…

  • I guess I just need to get this over with…
  • We haven’t sex in a month…what if he wants to sleep with someone else?
  • Glad I got THAT out of the way…
  • I feel so guilty that I don’t want to right now…

You know how the longer you don’t work out, the less you want to go to the gym?

Well, I’m sure you’ve experienced that sex works the exact same way.

I’m not the kind of person who thinks you need to have sex all the time, but when that level of intimacy isn’t an integral part of my relationship, our connection can feel a little flat.  I always find that when people make sex a priority, they’re in sync, better at communicating and just feel more electric. Sex just makes life is just more exciting.

After a few weeks of our sex life taking a back to seat to my busy coaching schedule and Jonathan’s demanding work load at the hospital, I suggested we trade in our plans to go out, for a night of staying in.

Of course, as soon as I suggested we stay in, I panicked…

What if I didn’t want to have sex when it got to Saturday night? Did I just set myself up for unrealistic expectations? Having sex right now just seems like such an effort! Ugh, I hate feeling obligated.

Can you relate?

I realized that OF COURSE I was feeling this way because my body had forgotten how amazing it is to be caught in the throws of ecstasy.

I was faced with a conflict.  On one hand I knew that bringing our sex life back to the forefront of our relationship was important. But on the other hand, the idea of having sex felt like a chore and obligation.

So I devised a plan, that I am sharing with you.  This plan was created so when YOU want to celebrate your relationship by making love with the man or woman in your life, you feel a fire of desire burning inside you.

Because when sex is fueled by an obligation or pressure to please your man, you are missing out on one life’s amazing gifts and your relationship is going to feel the consequences.

Here’s my Ignite the Desire 12 hour plan:

      1. Feeling sexy starts the moment you wake up

.  It takes a full day of priming, pleasure and pure passion for life to fully embrace your sexuality.  If you wait till the hour before it’s

go time,

    you’re going to fizzle out.
  • Work out or move your body first thing in the morning.  This can be going for a run, or stretching. On saturday mornings, the last place I want to go is the gym, so I love to do a class on in my living room.
  • Look fabulous all day. After you work out, it’s important to shower right away, and put on a fabulous outfit that you feel gorgeous in.  I do this even when I am not going to see a soul all day.  I also do my hair and makeup just to go to the grocery store because that’s what helps me connect with my feminine energy.
  • Eat a healthy and decadent breakfast.
  • Do something for my beauty. This week I got my nails shallacked but other things I’ve done is gotten a blow out, a hair cut, bikini wax, makeup done etc.  Anything to celebrate how beautiful you are.
  • When you’re going on a date (and you like with your honey) get ready in privacy. When I’m getting ready Jonathan is not allowed in the bathroom or our bedroom.  That way when I walk out fully gussied up, he is blown away. And nothing makes me feel sexier than my husband stumbling all over himself because of how hot I look.
  • Don’t over eat at dinner.  THIS IS HUGE!  The biggest buzz kill is feeling like your burger is sloshing around your belly.  You want to stand up from your meal feeling like you can walk around in your underwear without a full belly bulge.


If you follow these steps, I guarantee that every ounce of pressure and obligation will disappear, and you will be craving that beautiful intimacy with your partner.

Do you have any tips for Igniting your Desire you want to share with me and this community?  Please leave a comment below.  I would love to hear what you’ve got up your sleeve.

Want to share my Ignite The Desire 12 hour plan with your friends? Tweet it here.

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