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Reflections on my Sacred Initiation

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“Am I going to die?” I asked Jonathan with panic in my eyes. He knew that I wasn’t looking to be consoled, but that I really needed to know.

He knelt by the exam table, put his hands on my knees, and looked up into my eyes. I could tell he was gathering all of his calm husband energy and mixing it with his direct knowledge as a physician.

“You are NOT going to die. The worst-case scenario is that you’ll need a pacemaker.”

My heart was failing. 3 out of my 4 ventricles had stopped working and I could barely stand up without passing out.

The ambulance team rolled into the urgent care unit and I was rushed to the hospital.

The night before I was lying in bed with a fever of 103 feeling the thinning of the veils. I took the opportunity to drop into feeling the unseen spirit world to see if there were any messages for me.

I found myself at the mouth of a cave, being welcomed by two women one dressed in light blue and one dressed in red. I recognize them as Mother Mary in Mary Magdalene. They guided me into the mouth of the cave, laid me down on a marble slab, and covered me in white raw silk. With Mary Magdalene at my head and Mother Mary at my feet, they started anointing me and pulling out energies of other people that had taken up residence inside of my energy body.

When the healing was complete, Mary Magdalene walked me to the mouth of the cave. I was about to leave, but she pulled me to face her, put her hand on my heart, and said, “there is one more big initiation that you will have to go through tomorrow, just know that I will be with you the whole time.”

I woke up feeling alarmed because this vision felt more real than any other soul journey I have ever taken. I went to sleep and secretly hoped I was making the whole thing up.

When I woke up in the morning Marshall crawled into bed. And as I was getting dressed he said, “Mama do you have a birthmark on your back?”

I didn’t, so I had him take a photo, and when I looked at the picture what I saw were two huge red bull’s eyes in the shape of wings coming out of the back of my heart.

This triggered going to urgent care to get a Lyme test, but I was shocked to discover how bad it had gotten.

When I arrived at the hospital and was being wheeled briskly through the hallways with the white ceiling rushing past me and lights flashing before my eyes, I felt Mary Magdalene with me and I vowed that I would use this as a Sacred initiation, A portal into the next version of myself.

(To Be Continued)


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