How to celebrate the Summer Solstice
You’re getting this post because your partner told us that you two might be interested in taking our new course, Modern Marriage.
Before you stop reading, roll your eyes, or think “now what the fuck does my partner want me to do”, hang in there with me.
I think a little introduction is in order. I’m Jonathan Brajtbord. I have 3 young kids. I’m married to the same woman, Sarah, I fell in love with 15 years ago as a senior in college. I played collegiate D3 football. I love to ski, hike, and fish.
I worked my ass off in school and became a doctor and eventually landed a training spot at UCSF for urology. My wife and I were married 2 days into my internship. We had 2 babies in 2 years while I worked 80+ hour work weeks (while making less money than our nanny), and our marriage has been through hell.
A little bit about my wife Sarah. She’s an entrepreneur and spiritual teacher.
Like most couples who argue or fight, I thought the issues we were dealing with were just part of being married. It’s what I signed up for when I took those wedding vows. I normalized the fighting, arguing, and bickering about stupid shit- who was going to cook dinner, do the laundry, and who’s turn it was to put our kids to bed. I normalized the resentment I felt towards my wife for her freedom when she went away a few weekends a year, or travelled for work, while I was “stuck at home taking care of the kids.” Yes, even though she was with the kids most of the time.
It wasn’t all bad I told myself. We had the occasional date night where, if I played my cards right and didn’t piss off my wife, I might get lucky later that night. We went on long weekend trips away along the CA coast where, for the most part I didn’t say or anything stupid. We even had sex a couple times….a month.
The reality was my wife was miserable. I was miserable. Sarah kept wanting me to help make our marriage better and I kept resisting.
I felt so overwhelmed with life and work. I was drowning at work in the hospital. I was confused and overwhelmed at being a father to two young babies. I had no idea how we were going to pay for our life in the most expensive city in the country. The smallest task felt impossible. I was maxed out. And here comes my wife asking me to work on my marriage.
What. The. Fuck.
I had no space to take on one more thing. I was full.
It was only when everything came crashing down around me did the damn lightbulb go off that not only was my marriage in shambles, but that because it was in such a state of chaos and disarray, that my entire life felt overwhelming.
Our marriages are the foundation of how we move through and exist during the day.
You might not realize it, but how you feel about your partner and your life together will seep into the fabric of your existence and life.
So, your partner has asked you to work on your marriage. This might be the first time they’re bringing this delicate conversation up with you, or it could be the hundredth time that they’re asking you to show up differently.
What if this time it’s different. What if this time you acknowledge to your partner (and to yourself) that things can be better. That it doesn’t have to be this way. What if you begin to accept the reality that your marriage doesn’t have to look like this. That there is something better you and your partner can create. Together.
Simple actions to take your life back, know your worth & feel alive no matter how drained, overwhelmed and far gone you feel.