Slugs From The Universe + Full Moon Eclipse
Years ago, I stared at the back of my closet door while bouncing on my yoga ball in the dark. The baby in my arms was supposedly mine but felt like a stranger. I was wedged in between the most expensive crib on the market and a painted IKEA dresser. Every 3 bounces or so, the mobile of woodland animals I made myself that hung from the ceiling, would brush the top of my head. I bought this furniture while fantasizing about the sweet moments I’d have with this little boy in our closet-turned-summer-camp themed nursery. My reality was a screaming child and scared woman who couldn’t imagine a worse fate than being stuck in a dark closet with a baby who refuses to sleep. I choked out sections of, “Yesterday a child came out to wander, caught a dragonfly inside a jar” in between sobs inspired by the gross separation of my expectations of motherhood and my reality.
All I could think was, I thought I would be better at this.
A year before I had Marshall I received an astrology reading that said that motherhood was a big part of my life purpose, would come easily and bring so much happiness. I held onto that promise and every month into motherhood I wondered when it was going to come true.
Two years went by, another baby joined us and I still felt out of place. Who I thought I was, was not showing up. When my feelings about being a bad mom were too much to bear, I started praying and asking for help. What I received was, You aren’t who you think you are. Huh?
At the same time, I felt a deep longing to learn more about the Moon, Stars, and Earth. I called the astrologer I worked with all those years ago.
I remembered that for our first reading I gave Jenn Racioppi an approximate birth time of 6am. Sometimes even a 15-minute difference can change your chart, so I asked my Dad to pull out my birth certificate that had my exact birth time – 10:24PM (?!).
So Jenn and I gathered for another session, this time armed with my actual birth time.
Let’s take a second to talk about what astrology is… From Jenn Racioppi:
We are all connected to the moon, the stars, and each other. As above, so below. Astrology is simply the study of possibility. It provides a road map of who you are and the potential of your life.
Astrology helps women become better leaders in their lives, businesses, and work. It can be used to understand our strengths, discover our passions and priorities, and dig deep into our most authentic selves.
Astrology tells us how to use the energy around us to our best advantage so we can get into a state of flow with our bodies and our work. But it does not offer any guarantees. Our futures are entirely up to us. You have the power to create and change your destiny at any given moment of your life.
When we met on the phone for a session (God bless the internet), she explained to me that she looks at the constellations that were rising over the horizon and how they lined up with the planets (which is why exact birth time, and location is so important) the second I took my first breath. I think I’m explaining this right, but I’m still a novice. From that information she can tell about my purpose, personality, things that inspire me, what things are hard for me, what comes easily… basically anything. It’s magic.
Turns out, my life mission has nothing to do with motherhood, and everything to do with ambition, taking big risks, writing and spirituality. Now, this doesn’t mean I wasn’t meant to have children, just that they aren’t the main source of my happiness, my purpose or mission in life.
So much in me started to make sense after I learned this about myself.
I realized that when I became a mom, I started to see my ambition as a bad thing. I mislabeled it as being a workaholic, greedy or a tool to avoid my children. I was living in the shadow of constant judgment of who I really was.
Turns out my ambition is my most powerful trait and I will only experience freedom if I follow that part of myself. From that place, I was able to clearly see where I wanted to take my business. I planned my Live More Weigh Less exit strategy and made room for my book.
The most incredible change in me after my reading with Jenn was that my experience of being a mother totally shifted.
I believe that we all choose our parents, and I have always known that my biggest priority as a mother is to show my children how to be a fully expressed woman (even though I secretly felt guilty for what that was looking like). So I believe that my kids knew what they were getting into when they chose to be my children, and instead of seeing that my ambition was going to ruin my kids, I got that IGNORING my ambition was going to ruin them, because ignoring that would create so much anxiety, depression, and confusion within me. And they needed the best version of me as possible.
Without the constant judgment of my perceived “obsession with work / avoidance of my children” I had space to see what I actually did love about being a mother and my children. As I accepted who I naturally was, I could accept how my children naturally are (wild, incredibly emotional and very loud). I settled into a schedule and rhythm that worked for me and my kids and we’ve entered a period where we all feel close and connected to each other. I mean, it’s still a total sh*t show over here, but at least we’re bonding, and I don’t feel like a fraud.
I know I am still at the beginning of my motherhood journey but I really believe that we don’t need to sacrifice who we are for our kids, in fact, I believe that courageously choosing to be who we really are is the best gift we can give our children because it gives them permission to be themselves.
What’s so great about astrology is that I have a deep understanding of why I am the way I am, what is happening in the world around me and how to use that to my benefit.
Knowing who you really are is the source of your power.
I went on to learn about my kids through their astrology and Jonathan and I did a session together. So often we assume that the people we live with are exactly like us in different packaging. Not so much. Once Jenn could explain to Jonathan that I have no earth in my chart so remembering details and creating complete grocery lists are not my forte, he finally stopped getting frustrated with me and just enjoyed all the fire I bring to his life.
Jenn explained to me that regardless of Jonathan being in medicine, this time in his life was going to be an insane dedication to his work with total immersion and it was all in service of his soul’s journey. I instantly felt my resentment fly out the window.
There’s so much more to tell you guys about what I’m creating in my life and stepping into, so make sure to keep opening your letters from me in the coming weeks.
In the meantime, you can connect with Jenn here and see how you can step into your full potential and live a magical life. And I can’t recommend her work enough and the relief, confidence, and momentum you’ll receive from truly understanding yourself in this way. You can sign up by entering your name and email on her website to receive:
+ A step-by-step guide to navigating the phases of the moon
+ Everything you need to know about your sun sign
+ The new rules of success & satisfaction for women in charge
…And learn about stepping into your feminine power, (I know, what a gift) here: http://jenniferracioppi.com/
In the comments below, I’d love to hear your experiences with astrology, your identity, motherhood and how it has all fit together for you.
Simple actions to take your life back, know your worth & feel alive no matter how drained, overwhelmed and far gone you feel.