If you’ve ever felt selfish…


I talk a lot about taking time for you. To not only relax and refuel but to discover who you are and why you’re here. This takes time. Sometimes a lot of time.

In my own life I travel, go on retreats, spend time with my friends, and choose to work pretty much full time. Many would say I’m selfish – many, in fact, DO – to my face and behind my back. And when I suggest they take 30 minutes a day for themselves, or even a weekend away, I almost always get, “I’d just feel so selfish!”

These comments come 100% from mothers.

So let’s unpack this.

Here is the definition of selfish:


1 : concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself : seeking or concentrating on one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others

2 : arising from concern with one’s own welfare or advantage in disregard of others

Key phrase: without regard to others / disregard of others

So here’s the deal. Imagine yourself 30 or 40 years from now with your daughter. She comes to you in tears. She feels completely overwhelmed, that she’s lost herself. She has no help, her body is unhealthy, she doesn’t know what she loves to do anymore, she can’t remember the last time she was happy.

Now imagine you told her to take a break, to ask for help, to start exploring what she loves and who she is… Now imagine her looking at you in confusion, and you realize she has no idea how to do that because you never taught her.

We teach our kids so much. How to read and write and how to be kind to others. We teach them how to ski and play tennis – you know, important life-long skills. We teach them how to stick to their word and follow through.

But teaching them to take care of themselves, to take time for themselves, to know themselves – that would be selfish of us.


Your taking time to love yourself and know yourself, to do the things you want to do, is not selfish – it’s good parenting.

This isn’t doing things at the expense of others or with disregard for your children’s well-being. This is IN SERVICE to your children’s well-being.

Last year I read an article in The New York Times that compared the way women are subservient to our children’s needs to the way we used to be subservient to our husbands’ needs in the ‘50s. Same pattern, different family members.

So let’s save the word “selfish” for times when it’s appropriate and instead focus on how we want to lead by example and inspire the next generation of women.




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Feel like there’s no time for you?

Simple actions to take your life back, know your worth & feel alive no matter how drained, overwhelmed and far gone you feel.