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  • 20
    Jul 2017

    How I went from hating to being completely obsessed with my boobs


    Photo by Melissa Hoffmann

    Hey [First Name], 

    I never liked my small breasts. I thought it was such a cruel joke that I wanted every part of my body to be smaller – smaller butt, smaller tummy, smaller cheeks – and yet, the one thing on my body that was supposed to be big, was small!  I wondered if I was the only woman on the planet with a size 14 butt and A cup boobs. 

    Years and years of positive body image work seemed to bypass my relationship with my small chest and it wasn’t until I was done breastfeeding my second child, that I knew something had to be done.

    At that point, my body was even bigger and my breasts, once perky from the constant flow of breast milk were now flattened, deflated, I don’t know, tennis balls?  I felt myself going down the rabbit hole of hatred, and unlike my butt or my belly, which I knew would heal and shift over time, I was stuck with my boobs.  


    Photo by Melissa Hoffmann

    Here’s what I did to embrace my chest…

    1. I SHOWED my breasts that they are important. I could never find a bra that fit me.  Often the band was too tight, or the cups size too big. I found lace itchy and padding unnatural. For a while, I wore one bra from Target every day.  I was sending a message to my breasts that they don’t matter, they are ugly, they deserve to be uncomfortable. As long as I was sending that hateful message to them through forcing them into these uncomfortable bras, we were never going to be friends. So I did whatever I do when something isn’t going right, I ask the Goddess for a solution. A few weeks later I was connected with True&Co., a bra company that specializes in making bras for every shape and size of breast. We started talking and instantly saw a great opportunity to partner.  They wanted real women to spread the word and I was in desperate need to give my breasts something they loved. In the process, I fell deeply in love with this company, their mission, their product… and my breasts as a result.


    Photo by Melissa Hoffmann

    True&Co. was founded on the idea that the rest of the bra industry designed bras to have your boobs look good to others and not comfortable and supportive. Every bra company had a different fit, there is no one size fits all, and our breasts are also as unique as our fingerprint! So Michelle Lam gathered women of all shapes and sizes and had them try on 500 bras in her living room to study the fit of all the different bras, and what actually worked for women.  What was most comfortable, most supportive and made them feel the most beautiful and strong. Eventually, True&Co. developed their own line of bras based on the feedback of all of their customers. What has resulted is a very female focused mission to help women feel comfortable in their own skin.

    When I went to their headquarters in San Francisco, their top designer gave me a personal fitting. All I can say is… what a difference! She matched me with the perfect bras for my body. They have several ways for you to get help with your fit on their site. You can click the image below to get fitted now:


    So when I arrived, I thought I was a 36A, maybe B on a good day. Turns out I’m a 38C but only a specific type of bra works for my breast shape. I put on a few options and felt instantly more in love with my breasts because comfort is the first step to love. We know this about relationships with other people, and it is the same when building a positive relationship with our body.  

    Comfort is the first step to love. 


    Photo by Melissa Hoffmann

    2. I stopped focusing on what my breasts look like, and focused on what they are for.  This is the most powerful practice we can do as women. Our culture has reduced the importance of our bodies to be pleasing things for others to look at. And if they are not, then we are not safe, worthy or successful. In Live More Weigh Less we have been doing deep work around the brainwashing that we’ve become victim to. The way to heal this is to expand the reasons why our bodies are important. Meaning, what they are FOR, their purpose, their energy:

    To begin, I want to touch on two physical attributes, our breasts produce milk to sustain the life of a human baby. Every time I am reminded of the intelligence of how our breasts produce the exact antibodies a baby needs and regulates the temperature of our babies’ bodies, my mind is blown.  

    Second, our breasts are here for our pleasure. When we feel open to intimacy, our nipples are a very important stop on the way to ecstasy. Taking our time with this part of the body usually catapults our overall pleasure to amazing heights.  


    Photo by Melissa Hoffmann

    Third, this is the coolest one for me, energetically our breasts represent nourishment.  Think of it this way, how cool is it that the same part of our body is here to give nourishment in the form of milk, and also receive nourishment in the form of pleasure. This epitomizes the magic of being a woman: we are all things, multifaceted and cyclical. We need to both give nourishment and receive nourishment in order to feel whole and happy. We need to be balanced. 

    Once I got how my breasts are a sacred portal to my overall sense of nourishment, I started to tune into whether or not my give and take was in balance. Not even close. I took note of all the ways I was giving, and all the ways I was receiving, and the give column was much much longer. So I started to prioritize ways in which I loved receiving like asking for help, saying no a lot, getting body work, soaking in hot tubs, going out to beautiful healthy meals, getting more help around the house and spending more time with Jonathan. Here’s the cool part, the more I embraced receiving, and the less I gave, the more feminine I felt, and the more I loved my breasts.  

    I have since discovered that Dr. Christiane Northrup has written extensively about how women who have breast cancer often report being a serious over giver, and under receiver. Wow.  


    Photo by Melissa Hoffmann

    Next time you are naked, I want you to imagine your body is an altar, temple, or home.  The architectural part of this temple called your breasts lay right over your heart :the hearth of your home, the flame of your temple. Your breasts represent nourishment. How can you let the fire from your heart fuel what you need for nourishment? And how can you nourish your heart?  Honor your breasts for all that they have been through, done for you and represent.  Then ask them what they need, what you need for nourishment.  How can you get back into balance?  

    Complete the ritual with adorning them in something that honors them instead of disrespects them.


    Photo by Melissa Hoffmann

    To your sacred body,
    Sarah

  • 12
    Jul 2017

    The Art of Darkness

    The tears come in unpredictable waves. Like when I’m dumping scoops of raisins into a brown bag at Whole Foods, or when I walk into the kitchen and see Jonathan sauteing kale at the stove. We are in the midst of the Big Ending and will be leaving this home for the next one in just two weeks.

    I am finally standing at the end of the hallway of this chapter and just turned around to look at the totality of this life in San Francisco, and I am in awe of what I see.

    If you asked me on any given day how I was feeling the past six years, I would’ve told you that I was ‘OK, not great.’ The combination of Jonathan’s rigorous schedule, back to back babies, financial responsibility and no local family inflicted a heavy weight on my soul. Anxiety, depression, exhaustion, overwhelm have been the primary emotions swirling around me.

    Yet… I am crying for the beauty of my life, the love I feel for dozens of soul sisters, the masterpiece of our family.

    I’ve wondered if the darkness was real or if I was just being a pessimist? Was I missing the good all around me? Could I have meditated the bad feelings away?

    4 years ago when I was sitting in temple with my 13 Moon sisters, I received a message that I needed to accept the dark. I was exuding so much energy pretending everything was fine. I call it Martha-Stewartitis, and it was keeping me in the shallow end, unable to access the depth of my soul. I was petrified to dive in for fear it would consume me and I would never resurface.

    In my timid willingness, I heard, “there is light in the darkness” and was shown a vision of the night sky with millions of stars.

    So I submerged myself in the black waters and just felt myself resurface about a month ago.

    I was sent Darkness medicine in the form of Kate Northrup Origin Membership and LiYana Silver’s new book, Feminine Genius, to help me make sense of what has been happening.

    Women are cyclical by nature. Our bodies cycle with the moon, our moods reflect the seasons, we are Mother Earth embodied. Winter is part of the deal of being a woman.

    Here’s what I now know about winter:

    There are so many things I thought were mine, so many dreams, expectations and attachments, and they were torn away from my tight grip into the abyss and left me sobbing and empty on the floor. When I asked the darkness what wisdom she had for me she said, “You aren’t who you think you are.” whooosh.

    Eventually, I would grow used to not having that dream around, and as each one was removed from my vision like newspaper from an old shop window, I could see through to my soul. OH! There I am. I had no idea this was me. I was shocked at first, but over time I remembered.

    Winter killed everything in my life except the essentials that lay dormant underground. I am just starting to see the incredible, colorful, lush spring I am entering because I let winter happen.

    Death and Rebirth. Destruction and Creation. Winter and Spring. What a sacred union.

    Love,
    Sarah

  • 15
    May 2017

    My White Hot TRUTH: I’m a… {plus a time sensitive gift inside}

    When Danielle LaPorte asked me to share my own White Hot Truth in celebration of her new book WHITE HOT TRUTH: Clarity for Keeping It Real on Your Spiritual Path from One Seeker to Another, I panicked. Because I knew I was being asked to reveal the thing I really didn’t want to tell you.

    If you don’t know Danielle yet, I’m honored to pop your LaPorte cherry. She is my favorite kind of artist, one who pulls the very essence of life, pain, love and growth and weaves melodic prose to capture the very heart of the matter. She’s on Oprah’s Super Soul Top 100, a best selling author and has one of the top websites for personal growth, DanielleLaPorte.com.

    Her new book comes out tomorrow and if you order it TODAY, you get the audiobook for free. This is what I did and the audio book is beyond. Danielle has the voice of a powerful, sultry, angel and I got swept up in it.  You can get the audiobook for free here:

    DOWNLOAD THE COMPLETE AUDIO BOOK  FOR FREE HERE AFTER ORDERING.

    (This gift expires tonight so jump on it)

    Also (can you tell I’m avoiding getting to what I’m going to tell you) Danielle is hosting a night of White Hot Truth at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco on Friday, June 16th. I’m organizing a cheering section, so if you’re in the area, buy your ticket and send an email to support@sarahjenks.com so we can all sit together! It would be great to meet you in person and share this special night. I’ve seen Danielle speak many times and she always brings fire, poetry, and soul. You’re going to love it.

    BUY YOUR TICKET TO WHITE HOT TRUTH IN SAN FRANCISCO HERE.

    AND (ok now I’m pushing it) Danielle will be joining me for an interview/jam session/soul chat on Wednesday May 31, 2017 at 12:00pm PT on facebook live on my facebook.  Be sure and put it on your calendar!

    Ok, here it goes…

    I grew up going to a Congregational Protestant Church in Massachusetts. I loved going to church. My two best friends were always there, no one was allowed to make fun of me like they did in school, I got to dress up and eat donuts. Mostly, I felt peaceful there. When I prayed I felt a connection to God, and it made me feel safe. My church was for sure one of the good ones: open minded, focused on love and kindness and never said anything bad about women, but they rarely talked about women either…

    It was as if the whole gender didn’t have a lot to do with the salvation of humanity. Besides Mary of course, who was a scared, alone virgin who has the baby and then is basically ignored for the rest of the story. Hmmm.

    On the side, I was taking out fiction books from the library about Witches, Druids, and Egyptian Priestesses. I searched for fairies in the woods, made potions out of clovers, dirt and moth wings (good spell for getting your brother to stay away) and trying to get my magic wand to work.

    When I was about 10, my backyard magic dwindled and my body hatred picked up.  My sense was that this was more of a ‘changing of the guards’ than a coincidence.

    Fast forward to living in New York City in my early twenties. I was at the peak of my binge eating disorder and was drinking way too much. I landed in a beautiful community that centered around meditation and the law of attraction. Although having a spiritual practice and community gave me all the juicy feelings of belonging, I noticed that a lot of the women felt paralyzed by the fact that they were creating all of these terrible events in their life. The addiction to positivity and the fear of being negative (which would attract a terrible thing like a car accident or getting fired) was debilitating.   

    And all that sitting on the ground being quiet made me want to get up and scream or dance on the pillows to an Usher song.

    When I moved to San Francisco, I was connected with a therapist in my neighborhood. When I went to her home office in my jeans and collared shirt, I noticed little goddess statues and crystals strewn about.  ‘So San Francisco,’ I thought. A few months in I walked into our weekly session and she had 13 cushions on the floor in a circle on top of sheaths of red velvet with a little table full of pictures of pregnant women and burned down candles.

    It was liked being dunked under water. Red, thick, molten water and it pulled on my heart in a way I haven’t experienced. I wanted IN on this mystery. I wanted a place in this circle.

    “What is going on here?” I whispered to her. My head bent.

    She told me about the 13 Moon Temple she held in her home, a group of women dedicated to exploring the divine feminine in all of her faces.  

    “Maybe you will join us someday when you are ready.” and quickly shifted gears and asked me how I was feeling about my relationship this week.

    When I saw that circle of cushions on the floor, all of my memories from my backyard magic days came flooding back. And I had a ferocious hunger for more.

    I pried and prodded her until she revealed the full capacity of that work and I’ve been learning and experience the magic of the 13 Moon Mystery School for five years now.  It’s been the best thing I’ve ever done.  

    Along the way, I became the most interested in how we relate to the seasons and the cycles of the moon. I took note of the crows that landed on my window sill and the trees that were fallen across my chosen path. I noticed how the love I felt for my body was directly correlated with how magical, intuitive and powerful I was.

    I was trading in enlightenment for embodiment, the heavens for earth, my mind for my body.

    It all felt wild, weird and a bit dirty. I liked it.

    I was waking up to the fact that I was a Witch.

    And then I got stressed out. I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN. I HAVE SO MANY BOOKS TO READ AND SPELLS TO LEARN. I started worrying that I wasn’t witchy enough, that I was a wannabe, a charlatan. I didn’t have a real cauldron! I create ritual potions in the same bowl I make pancakes in.  

    People are just starting to come around to the word “Witch” and understand that it’s not synonymous with the evil warty villain from our fairy tales. And as I’ve been discovering the teachings of Paganism and Wicca, I get all tied up with cultural stereotypes and judgments, and when I talked about it, I just felt awkward.  

    Then I read White Hot Truth and took a pause.  

    You see, I’m a personal growthaholic….  

    I’ve read hundreds of books from the power of mantras to A Course in Miracles to the history of Scottish Witchcraft. I’ve attended countless workshops and retreats and travelled to sacred sites.  It’s all been A LOT. Maybe too much. Because all of the input is noisy, and I forget that the most important teacher, the only person who can give me permission to stand up and claim my White Hot Truth is Me.  

    So I took a break from the input, the expectations, and the gurus, and got quiet. (This is all Danielle’s idea btw, if it were up to me, I’d be rereading every book in my library searching for the answers).

    And in that silence, I asked, Am I a Witch? If you define a Witch as a woman who worships the Earth and her body and her power, then YES. But what feels truer than any label is that I am a Woman. A woman who is awake to her innate (aka it is built into every woman) connection to the Earth and the power of her body and uses it to connect to an unspoken language that exists between the trees, the wind and the stars.  

    You see, you don’t need to become a Kundalini yoga instructor, a Priestess or a Witch to be magical, you already are that. You just have to sit in the quiet long enough wake up to yourself.

    And so here I am. Just a woman, sitting outside any specific spiritual path. I’m free to explore and bail as I please. Curating what helps me remember my innate power, and discarding anything that tells me I’m powerless without them.  

    So if you feel like you’re drowning in an ocean of spiritual opinions, or lost in the woods of mantras and crystals wandering this way and that without direction, then here is a place to land for a while: White Hot Truth by Danielle LaPorte. It isn’t another spiritual practice or self-help book, but a call back to your center so you can start to make sense of your spiritual journey so far and introduce you to the most critical teacher you’ll ever have, yourself.

    You can order your book here and get the free audio book if you order before midnight tonight.

    After you do that, don’t forget to

    1. Buy your ticket to White Hot Truth LIVE in San Francisco
    2. Put our facebook live interview on your calendar.

    In celebration of your truth,
    Sarah

Design: Jane Reaction. Development: Brandi Bernoskie.