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  • 16
    Nov 2017

    Sensuality after babies

    I remember feeling so far away from myself. The powerful, confident, sensual, beautiful, alive woman I used to know was just gone. I felt like she had been replaced by this round, ogre, grumpy troll. I just felt dead inside.

    My “enough is enough” point happened when Annabelle was just over a year old, which would make it around this time last year. I felt like I had come out of the postpartum period but still felt empty and lifeless.

    I wanted to feel vibrant, confident, beautiful, even sexy. SEXY!? The idea felt so foreign as a mother of 2 young kids with a body that nowhere near resembled my own ideal.  But, as you know, I’m not one to settle for flat.

    I started with my health, getting acupuncture, taking herbs and eating less gluten, dairy and sugar. I went on two different cleanses and felt my physical life force returning.

    I did an intensive with Rachel Rose around divine feminine self care and lifestyle. We created a beautiful morning routine, bathing rituals and explored how my body wanted to be nourished.

    A few times I tried to return to the old pre-kids sensuality stand ins: red lipstick, lingerie and little black dresses. I felt like a grown ass woman dressing up as a 16-year old. It just wasn’t me anymore. I had to get acquainted with my new body, my new self.

    I learned what she liked to eat, how she liked to be touched. What made her happy, and alive. What was beautiful to her now, and what lit her up.

    Every time I dove into an Inquiry, I was pointed to the same place – Nature. But nature in the sense of its magic, power and sensuality.  I realized that my whole body is built for the pure pleasure of experiencing nature with all of my senses. And if I’m quiet enough, to hear her wisdom.

    The more I spent time meeting this part of myself, this nature/magic loving part of me, the more sensual I became.

    If you want to learn specific rituals and practices to connect to the magic of nature, check out my Create A Magical Life Workshop happening tonight in person and online.

    Remember, sensual doesn’t always meet sexual, and none of this had to do with sex.

    This was about me enjoying being in my body and feeling full of life and beauty.

    This transformation of feeling dead inside to filled with life took about 7 months, and when I realized how sovereign and Whole I felt, I knew I needed to capture the essence of this new embodiment, so I did a photoshoot with Melissa Hoffmann.

    Melissa and I explored what this sensual part of me wore, where she longed to be and how she expresses herself.  The day we did the shoot we went to a waterfall I loved and visited often.  She asked me questions and helped me really call forth that sacred, sensual part of me.  It wasn’t about posing, but about capturing the full expression of love I felt for my body and spirit. I even surprised myself by getting in the waterfall!

    I don’t feel like this all the time, nor do I walk around dressed like this, but this is a side of myself that I try to call on often.  And when I can’t, when I’m stuck in “ogre mode” I now have these pictures to remind me of this important part of myself. If you feel called, I can’t recommend working with Melissa enough.  You can learn about her work here

    This journey showed me how easy it is to cut off parts of ourselves when we are a mothers.  I saw how I could have gone my whole life without reclaiming my sensuality. What a slippery slope!  I know this is something I will come back to over and over, as well as to other parts of me like my creative side, my warrior side, my priestess side and more deeply embracing my mother side.

    As women, we are all things and I am learning that the more I nurture the sides of me that are the weakest, the stronger the others become.

    In the coming months I’m going to be talking more about the importance of reclaiming all parts of ourselves and how to stand firmly in the knowing that your are a Whole Woman.

    I’m looking forward to diving in deeper with you.

    So much love,
    Sarah

    P.S.   Wondering where to start with creating a more sacred, magic fill life?  Tonight, from 6-9pm I’m hosting a “Create a Magical Life” Workshop for women who are wondering where to start. We’re going to be exploring:

    • What the Moon phases are all about and how to work with them
    • The importance of rituals, how to create them and what you need to have in your tool box
    • What does it mean when people talk about the Goddess, Divine Feminine, Great Mother etc. and where does that leave your relationship with God?
    • How to navigate your new spiritual curiosity with your religious upbringing
    • What practices you can do on a daily basis to feel more connected
    • And you’ll leave with a morning ritual mapped out so you can tune into your magic everyday, right away.

    You can join this workshop by visiting Hawthorn Farm in Medfield, MA
    Register here to attend the live event.
    OR
    Purchase the digital home study version which you’ll receive in a week.
    Register here for just $47 (Price increases to $97 after the workshop).

    (Photos by Melissa Hoffmann)

  • 09
    Nov 2017

    Should you just be happy with what you have?

    This is the question I get from women the most during my Live More Weigh Less Coaching Calls:

    “I have two healthy kids and a great house. Shouldn’t this be enough? For some reason, I just feel like there’s more, but I feel so guilty asking for that when I already have so much.”  

    Most of us have been taught that if we HAVE certain things then we should be content.  For many women, this is usually kids, a husband, and house. But I believe that happiness and contentment aren’t about what we have, or checking off certain universal boxes, but about living as close to our soul’s authentic expression as possible.

    So, if your SOUL’s most authentic expression is to be present with your kids and be in the rhythm of your days then YES, amazing, enjoy your life and all of the sweetness and challenges that offers.

    I’ve met high powered, incredibly successful women who longed to be home with their kids full time and changed their lives dramatically so they could be home.  They’ve never been happier or more fulfilled.

    I’ve met stay-at-home moms who felt drained by their roles and have had ideas brewing under the surface for a while.  They got an investment and a babysitter and brought their idea to life.  They’ve never been happier or more fulfilled.

    And there are a thousand other scenarios in between….

    This isn’t about what is more worthwhile, staying home or working, it’s about finding what is right for YOU in the infinite possibilities that are available.

    It’s time for us to untie ourselves from the “one size fits all” definition of happiness.

    I used to think that I should just be happy with healthy kids, a roof over my head and a few friends.  I thought about all the monks who reached enlightenment by giving up all their earthly possessions and sitting in silence all day.  Shouldn’t this be enough? I wanted so much more, but I felt insanely guilty for it.

    Then I started giving myself permission to follow my desires.  

    I traveled for pleasure even though I felt pressure to stay home with my kids…

    I started talking about what I wanted with my friends even though they might think I’m weird…

    I went on retreats for my own growth…

    I decorated my home with beautiful things even though I felt I should have put that money in savings…

    I dressed my body in bold outfits even though I was afraid of not fitting in…

    I bought the huge house on a farm instead of the small colonial at the end of the cul de sac…

    I created a business that makes my soul sing instead of what is practical or financially smart.  

    I am EXPANDING.  And as I expand, my kids’ lives expand, my husband’s life expands and my community expands.  My desires, my growth, my authenticity don’t take away from my loved ones’ lives, they improve them.  Sure, does it put pressure on Jonathan to watch the kids for three days when I’m away on retreat?  Of course. Do the kids miss me?  Yeah.  Does everyone reap the benefits of a happy wife and mother afterward?  Hell YES.  

    Not only is it OK to put in the time to discover who you are and create a life based on your soul’s wisdom, but it is actually YOUR JOB to be the best version of you possible.  Because if you don’t, everyone around you will suffer.

    If you are reading this wide eyed and furiously nodding, yes, this is me, then I invite you to consider joining us for Wise Woman Winter, a weekend retreat at Hawthorn Farm where you will remember who you really are and create a life based on your soul’s wisdom.  Many women have already made the leap, and we are looking for a few more brave and wise women to join us.  If you are meant to be one of them, you can learn more here: Wise Woman Winter Invitation & Registration.

    In this season of gratitude, don’t let gratitude turn into guilt of wanting more.  You can be both insanely grateful for your many blessings and still strive to become who you really are.

    All my love,
    Sarah


    P.S.  
     Not ready to take the leap to join Wise Woman Winter? I’m hosting a “Create a Magical Life” Workshop next Thursday, November 16th, where I’ll teach you how to start creating a more sacred, magic filled life. If you can’t make it in person to the live workshop at Hawthorn Farm in Medfield, MA, I’m also offering a digital home study version. Click here to read more about what we’re going to explore on this magical night together.

  • 02
    Nov 2017

    Why I went to therapy with my 3 year old.

    Quick reminder that I’m hosting another Full Moon Circle in Massachusetts tomorrow night if you’re in the area. This is the last one until February!!! You can get all the information here: November Full Moon.

    I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been so jealous of women who enjoy being with their kids. They are excited to come home from work, look forward to the weekend or relish those sweet moments of reading books before bed.

    I don’t spend time with women who pretend that motherhood is perfect or easy, but for many women, I can tell that, between the tantrums and hard times, there are moments of love, connection and sweetness.

    Before very recently I almost never felt that with Marshall.

    The moment they put him in my arms after he was born, I felt overwhelmed by him, and as the years went on that overwhelm turned into resentment, confusion and anger.

    For a while I thought that working less or having less financial pressure would help, so I majorly scaled back my business and spent more time with him. I still felt this untouchable distance.

    I thought it was because his behavior was so out of control. We would spend months working on a certain issue like biting or bedtime, and it would get better, but he still didn’t feel like family.

    It was the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Most nights I’d fall into bed crying because I could tell Marshall was lonely, scared and suffering. He couldn’t feel me, and I couldn’t feel him.

    I knew I was a loving, caring woman. Why wasn’t this translating to motherhood?    

    In February I hit rock bottom when I noticed how I was dreading going home to be with the kids after working during the day. This wasn’t what I wanted my life to be like! I wanted my kids to have a better, happier mother.

    That month we signed up with a child psychologist to go to play therapy together once a week for 6 months.

    The first time we walked into her office, I felt wiped out, resentful and more like his babysitter than his mother. I was embarrassed to show up in that energy, but I knew if I wasn’t real, we were never going to grow.

    We showed up every week and played with trucks, play-doh, marbles, dolls and dinosaurs. We would talk about a few things here and there, but mostly we just played. The therapist would join in, talk to Marshall, talk to me, and point out how Marshall was communicating through his play.

    For the first couple sessions, I didn’t feel like anything was happening and like it was a total waste of time and money. But Marshall started asking me excitedly when therapy was and told me how much he loved it, so I stuck with it.

    After three months, I started feeling a shift. I felt less like a babysitter and more like his mom. He started to hold my hand more and sit in my lap when he was overwhelmed. The therapist kept pointing out all the ways he was starting to go to me for more comfort, safety and direction. He was starting to rely on me, and I was starting to trust myself.

    My friends and family started mentioning how much things seemed to have shifted between us. How we just fit together better.

    After six months, my relationship with Marshall was totally different. Just in time for our cross country move. I was elated! So proud of him for learning to trust me and even prouder of myself for following my gut, making the time and not settling for a subpar relationship with my son.

    Marshall is still a normal toddler and has more spirited behavior than the average kid, but we have those moments of sweetness now like when I lie in bed with him at night and can say good night without him freaking out, or how he reaches for my hand when we walk to school.

    Those little things are now like a phone line to our bond where before there was very little there to connect to.

    I also love how Marshall told everyone that we were going to therapy with a proud look on his face. No embarrassment, no taboo, just something important we do to take care of ourselves.  We aren’t in therapy right now, but I’m so happy to know that we can go back together anytime to work out any challenges between us. My mother always told me that we go to doctors to take care of our bodies, and it’s just as important to go to therapy to take care of our emotions. I’m happy that I’m teaching my kids the same lesson.

    To this day, I can’t say for sure what our therapist did. To me it often felt like we weren’t doing anything. There was no aha moment or sudden shift. But I have to say, for the first time ever, Marshall and I feel like we belong to each other.

    I’m telling you this because there is often so much shame associated with not enjoying motherhood or not having a strong connection with your child. If you can relate to my story, you are not alone. Some of us just need some help finding that belongingness and I found working with a therapist in person so profoundly helpful. If you feel like you want support in this area, just google “child play therapy + your city” or call you insurance company for a list of names they cover. If you need to pay out of pocket, I promise it’s worth the investment.

    If you want names of people in San Francisco or Boston, I have some great recos, just send me email at info@sarahjenks.com.  

    Life isn’t meant to be easy all the time, man has motherhood taught me that, but we all deserve a few heart explosions here and there and a deep sense of belonging. I’m so grateful for the professionals who can help us gain access to those feelings.

    Love,

    Sarah  

Design: Jane Reaction. Development: Brandi Bernoskie.