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  • 12
    Jul 2017

    The Art of Darkness

    The tears come in unpredictable waves. Like when I’m dumping scoops of raisins into a brown bag at Whole Foods, or when I walk into the kitchen and see Jonathan sauteing kale at the stove. We are in the midst of the Big Ending and will be leaving this home for the next one in just two weeks.

    I am finally standing at the end of the hallway of this chapter and just turned around to look at the totality of this life in San Francisco, and I am in awe of what I see.

    If you asked me on any given day how I was feeling the past six years, I would’ve told you that I was ‘OK, not great.’ The combination of Jonathan’s rigorous schedule, back to back babies, financial responsibility and no local family inflicted a heavy weight on my soul. Anxiety, depression, exhaustion, overwhelm have been the primary emotions swirling around me.

    Yet… I am crying for the beauty of my life, the love I feel for dozens of soul sisters, the masterpiece of our family.

    I’ve wondered if the darkness was real or if I was just being a pessimist? Was I missing the good all around me? Could I have meditated the bad feelings away?

    4 years ago when I was sitting in temple with my 13 Moon sisters, I received a message that I needed to accept the dark. I was exuding so much energy pretending everything was fine. I call it Martha-Stewartitis, and it was keeping me in the shallow end, unable to access the depth of my soul. I was petrified to dive in for fear it would consume me and I would never resurface.

    In my timid willingness, I heard, “there is light in the darkness” and was shown a vision of the night sky with millions of stars.

    So I submerged myself in the black waters and just felt myself resurface about a month ago.

    I was sent Darkness medicine in the form of Kate Northrup Origin Membership and LiYana Silver’s new book, Feminine Genius, to help me make sense of what has been happening.

    Women are cyclical by nature. Our bodies cycle with the moon, our moods reflect the seasons, we are Mother Earth embodied. Winter is part of the deal of being a woman.

    Here’s what I now know about winter:

    There are so many things I thought were mine, so many dreams, expectations and attachments, and they were torn away from my tight grip into the abyss and left me sobbing and empty on the floor. When I asked the darkness what wisdom she had for me she said, “You aren’t who you think you are.” whooosh.

    Eventually, I would grow used to not having that dream around, and as each one was removed from my vision like newspaper from an old shop window, I could see through to my soul. OH! There I am. I had no idea this was me. I was shocked at first, but over time I remembered.

    Winter killed everything in my life except the essentials that lay dormant underground. I am just starting to see the incredible, colorful, lush spring I am entering because I let winter happen.

    Death and Rebirth. Destruction and Creation. Winter and Spring. What a sacred union.

    Love,
    Sarah

  • 15
    May 2017

    My White Hot TRUTH: I’m a… {plus a time sensitive gift inside}

    When Danielle LaPorte asked me to share my own White Hot Truth in celebration of her new book WHITE HOT TRUTH: Clarity for Keeping It Real on Your Spiritual Path from One Seeker to Another, I panicked. Because I knew I was being asked to reveal the thing I really didn’t want to tell you.

    If you don’t know Danielle yet, I’m honored to pop your LaPorte cherry. She is my favorite kind of artist, one who pulls the very essence of life, pain, love and growth and weaves melodic prose to capture the very heart of the matter. She’s on Oprah’s Super Soul Top 100, a best selling author and has one of the top websites for personal growth, DanielleLaPorte.com.

    Her new book comes out tomorrow and if you order it TODAY, you get the audiobook for free. This is what I did and the audio book is beyond. Danielle has the voice of a powerful, sultry, angel and I got swept up in it.  You can get the audiobook for free here:

    DOWNLOAD THE COMPLETE AUDIO BOOK  FOR FREE HERE AFTER ORDERING.

    (This gift expires tonight so jump on it)

    Also (can you tell I’m avoiding getting to what I’m going to tell you) Danielle is hosting a night of White Hot Truth at Grace Cathedral in San Francisco on Friday, June 16th. I’m organizing a cheering section, so if you’re in the area, buy your ticket and send an email to support@sarahjenks.com so we can all sit together! It would be great to meet you in person and share this special night. I’ve seen Danielle speak many times and she always brings fire, poetry, and soul. You’re going to love it.

    BUY YOUR TICKET TO WHITE HOT TRUTH IN SAN FRANCISCO HERE.

    AND (ok now I’m pushing it) Danielle will be joining me for an interview/jam session/soul chat on Wednesday May 31, 2017 at 12:00pm PT on facebook live on my facebook.  Be sure and put it on your calendar!

    Ok, here it goes…

    I grew up going to a Congregational Protestant Church in Massachusetts. I loved going to church. My two best friends were always there, no one was allowed to make fun of me like they did in school, I got to dress up and eat donuts. Mostly, I felt peaceful there. When I prayed I felt a connection to God, and it made me feel safe. My church was for sure one of the good ones: open minded, focused on love and kindness and never said anything bad about women, but they rarely talked about women either…

    It was as if the whole gender didn’t have a lot to do with the salvation of humanity. Besides Mary of course, who was a scared, alone virgin who has the baby and then is basically ignored for the rest of the story. Hmmm.

    On the side, I was taking out fiction books from the library about Witches, Druids, and Egyptian Priestesses. I searched for fairies in the woods, made potions out of clovers, dirt and moth wings (good spell for getting your brother to stay away) and trying to get my magic wand to work.

    When I was about 10, my backyard magic dwindled and my body hatred picked up.  My sense was that this was more of a ‘changing of the guards’ than a coincidence.

    Fast forward to living in New York City in my early twenties. I was at the peak of my binge eating disorder and was drinking way too much. I landed in a beautiful community that centered around meditation and the law of attraction. Although having a spiritual practice and community gave me all the juicy feelings of belonging, I noticed that a lot of the women felt paralyzed by the fact that they were creating all of these terrible events in their life. The addiction to positivity and the fear of being negative (which would attract a terrible thing like a car accident or getting fired) was debilitating.   

    And all that sitting on the ground being quiet made me want to get up and scream or dance on the pillows to an Usher song.

    When I moved to San Francisco, I was connected with a therapist in my neighborhood. When I went to her home office in my jeans and collared shirt, I noticed little goddess statues and crystals strewn about.  ‘So San Francisco,’ I thought. A few months in I walked into our weekly session and she had 13 cushions on the floor in a circle on top of sheaths of red velvet with a little table full of pictures of pregnant women and burned down candles.

    It was liked being dunked under water. Red, thick, molten water and it pulled on my heart in a way I haven’t experienced. I wanted IN on this mystery. I wanted a place in this circle.

    “What is going on here?” I whispered to her. My head bent.

    She told me about the 13 Moon Temple she held in her home, a group of women dedicated to exploring the divine feminine in all of her faces.  

    “Maybe you will join us someday when you are ready.” and quickly shifted gears and asked me how I was feeling about my relationship this week.

    When I saw that circle of cushions on the floor, all of my memories from my backyard magic days came flooding back. And I had a ferocious hunger for more.

    I pried and prodded her until she revealed the full capacity of that work and I’ve been learning and experience the magic of the 13 Moon Mystery School for five years now.  It’s been the best thing I’ve ever done.  

    Along the way, I became the most interested in how we relate to the seasons and the cycles of the moon. I took note of the crows that landed on my window sill and the trees that were fallen across my chosen path. I noticed how the love I felt for my body was directly correlated with how magical, intuitive and powerful I was.

    I was trading in enlightenment for embodiment, the heavens for earth, my mind for my body.

    It all felt wild, weird and a bit dirty. I liked it.

    I was waking up to the fact that I was a Witch.

    And then I got stressed out. I HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN. I HAVE SO MANY BOOKS TO READ AND SPELLS TO LEARN. I started worrying that I wasn’t witchy enough, that I was a wannabe, a charlatan. I didn’t have a real cauldron! I create ritual potions in the same bowl I make pancakes in.  

    People are just starting to come around to the word “Witch” and understand that it’s not synonymous with the evil warty villain from our fairy tales. And as I’ve been discovering the teachings of Paganism and Wicca, I get all tied up with cultural stereotypes and judgments, and when I talked about it, I just felt awkward.  

    Then I read White Hot Truth and took a pause.  

    You see, I’m a personal growthaholic….  

    I’ve read hundreds of books from the power of mantras to A Course in Miracles to the history of Scottish Witchcraft. I’ve attended countless workshops and retreats and travelled to sacred sites.  It’s all been A LOT. Maybe too much. Because all of the input is noisy, and I forget that the most important teacher, the only person who can give me permission to stand up and claim my White Hot Truth is Me.  

    So I took a break from the input, the expectations, and the gurus, and got quiet. (This is all Danielle’s idea btw, if it were up to me, I’d be rereading every book in my library searching for the answers).

    And in that silence, I asked, Am I a Witch? If you define a Witch as a woman who worships the Earth and her body and her power, then YES. But what feels truer than any label is that I am a Woman. A woman who is awake to her innate (aka it is built into every woman) connection to the Earth and the power of her body and uses it to connect to an unspoken language that exists between the trees, the wind and the stars.  

    You see, you don’t need to become a Kundalini yoga instructor, a Priestess or a Witch to be magical, you already are that. You just have to sit in the quiet long enough wake up to yourself.

    And so here I am. Just a woman, sitting outside any specific spiritual path. I’m free to explore and bail as I please. Curating what helps me remember my innate power, and discarding anything that tells me I’m powerless without them.  

    So if you feel like you’re drowning in an ocean of spiritual opinions, or lost in the woods of mantras and crystals wandering this way and that without direction, then here is a place to land for a while: White Hot Truth by Danielle LaPorte. It isn’t another spiritual practice or self-help book, but a call back to your center so you can start to make sense of your spiritual journey so far and introduce you to the most critical teacher you’ll ever have, yourself.

    You can order your book here and get the free audio book if you order before midnight tonight.

    After you do that, don’t forget to

    1. Buy your ticket to White Hot Truth LIVE in San Francisco
    2. Put our facebook live interview on your calendar.

    In celebration of your truth,
    Sarah

  • 10
    May 2017

    MY NEW HOUSE!!!!!

    It was 2012 when I first saw my dream home. I was sitting in a room of 5,000 people being led in a guided meditation by the larger than life, Tony Robbins. I could clearly see the double sided fireplace that separated the living room from the dining room. I was sitting in the living room drinking hot cocoa and while watching the fire blaze and the snow falling outside. In my meditation the doorbell rang and a flurry of three rosy-cheeked kids rushed into the room demanding hot chocolate after being out sledding. I took note of the white walls, exposed beams, and floor to ceiling windows. I thought it seemed a little modern for my taste, but it felt good, so I folded it away in my memory bank.

    Fast forward to this past November, now with two kids and 9 months left in San Francisco (this number was not an accident I imagine). I had just started my Empowerment work with Katina Mercadante, who I told you about here, and one of my projects was to write out my 5-year plan in extreme detail.

    I decided in 5 years we would be moving from our “starter home” in Massachusetts to our dream home. Through my work with Katina, I uncovered that I am called to do sacred work with women in person. I dreamed of owning a property where I could cultivate a sacred landing place for women to transform in many areas of their life – body, career, family, love, creativity…

    I wrote down details for my dream home like

    • A tree lined long driveway
    • Sheep
    • Open fields to gather in circle
    • Woods where we can have solitude or dance naked in privacy
    • A stream
    • Old trees
    • A house with an open floor plan, plenty of bedrooms, front porch and lots of light
    • A Barn
    • Enough space to build a yurt (a round, usually canvas, building) where I can gather women in circle

    Two weeks after I wrote this, Jonathan and I were laying in bed, our bellies full from our Thanksgiving Dinner, and pulled up the Trulia app for the 100th time to see if anything new appeared in the towns we were considering. Whether it was the wine or fate, we didn’t plug in our “price filter” like we normally do, and up popped a picture of a house on a lake. I was intrigued by the water and clicked.

    When I saw the price, I didn’t even want to look at the pictures, for fear of falling in love and being disappointed, but again wine/God took over.

    I clicked on the cover picture of the house perched on a lake and up popped a windy tree-lined driveway, then sheep, then THE LIVING ROOM I SAW IN MY VISION AT TONY ROBBINS (!!!!),  then open fields, a barn, and a picture of a trail running through the woods… I’m now looking at Jonathan in shock, and he is looking at me in fear because he sees what’s happening… and then, you’re not going to believe this… there’s a freaking YURT on the property. Yurts are not a “thing” in Massachusetts, and it’s not even a yurt, it’s a huge octagonal building with a kitchen, office and 1 ½ baths. At this point, my whole body is shaking and I have to get out of bed and do some deep breathing. The house was way over our budget, but this was, clear as day, our house. Five years before I thought it would come into being.

    I barely slept that night and the next morning I pulled out my travel altar, asked about the house in meditation and heard, “Google it”.

    So I googled the address and a website came up about the various programs that were offered at the yurt-on-steroids. Yoga, reiki, singing workshops, dance, herbalism… this place obviously already had a lot of magic happening in it. I got hooked by the articles written by the owner and was taken by how similar our philosophy is. When I got down to the end of one of the articles I see that the owner of the house is MY HIGH SCHOOL THERAPIST!!!!! Are you kidding me!?

    This was the first woman to ever talk to me about my body and was the very first step on my healing journey. The symbolism rocks my world.

    A week later I was already planning on being in Massachusetts for my Godson’s baptism, and I emailed the owner to set up an appointment to come see the house.

    As soon as I stepped on the property it was clear, this land was sacred, and it felt like I was meant to be there.  After meeting with the agents, I went on a long walk through the woods with my old therapist.  We talked about what has happened in our lives since our work together many years ago.  She told me about the history of the land, the farm, the house and the yurt.  We talked about the Goddess, Earth Magic and Native American Spirituality and seasonal living.  So much in common, so much to share, the hours just rolled on and on.  She revealed that they had done a shamanic ceremony just a few days before I emailed her to call in the new owner of the land.  She blessed my journey and asked the spirits of the land to make my path clear.  I felt like I was in a dream.

    Then I jumped on the emotional roller coaster. Is this for real?  Is the Goddess just playing a joke on me? Maybe magic doesn’t exist.  I should probably buy a cheaper house and get a large property when I’m ready.  Am I really meant to do work that will do this land justice?  Why me? The angels must’ve gotten the wrong person.  

    But with my tribe in my corner and sitting in daily meditation and prayer, the naysayers in my head parted for the truth that this was meant to be.

    Jonathan and I traveled to see it in March and look at other houses just in case this fell through.  He was instantly hooked. We got creative with our finances, were blessed with many more miracles and were on our way to making our dream a reality. The whole thing was so trippy that I couldn’t help but trust this was meant to be, there wasn’t a lot left to do but put one foot in front of the other and meet each obstacle with faith.

    We are now proud owners of our dream home – a farm, sacred land and retreat center in Medfield, Massachusetts.

    And I would like to invite you to be one of the first women to gather there this fall.

    So. With deep gratitude and trust, I invite you to…

    HOME
    A Retreat to Remember Your Body is Sacred
    With Sarah Jenks

    Friday, October 6th through Sunday, October 8th, 2017
    Medfield, Massachusetts 

    I’ve planned the whole retreat start to finish and it is going to be REMARKABLE. This work is pouring out of me in a way I’ve never experienced. I am only hosting 30-40 women for this first gathering under the fall leaves, and it would be an honor to have you there. It’s going to be a transformational experience, to say the least.

    You can click here to get the full invitation and some pictures of where we will be gathering. 

    What a life. So happy I could finally share this with you. I hope we can be together in person this fall.

    Love,
    Sarah

Design: Jane Reaction. Development: Brandi Bernoskie.