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  • 14
    Apr 2016

    Why isn’t anyone talking about this?

    Since becoming a Mom I’ve been surrounding myself with other moms who are willing to really go there.  I wasn’t interested in having friendships that centered around comparison, perfection or pretending everything is great, because when it comes to motherhood, it’s usually not! And that’s ok.

    One of my closest friends, Amy Ahlers and I frequently get into the torture of sleep training or the confusion around how to raise daughters with good body image.  Just a few days ago I texted her,

    What do you do when your nanny cancels, you have 3 blog posts to write and the baby won’t stop crying?

    I find that day drinking is really helpful”, she replied.  Thank god for Amy.  This is even more hilarious because she’s a super spiritual, very successful life coach who probably could have spout out any canned response.

    During almost every conversation about how hard it is to be a mom and the ridiculous things that happened to us the past week, one of us screams, “WHY ISN’T ANYONE TALKING ABOUT THIS!?”

    It really is a vicious cycle – very few people talk about the truth of the struggle of motherhood and therefore when any of us feel overwhelmed, confused, pissed or exhausted, we think we are the only ones feeling this way, so we don’t say anything, and the cycle continues.  Cue high rates of postpartum depression, isolation, eating disorders and divorce.  

    Luckily, Amy has set out to change that with her new podcast, Mama Truth: Embrace the Messiness and Magic of Motherhood.   Every time I listen to one of Amy’s podcasts I just feel less crazy, like I’m not alone and like I am doing the best job I can instead of thinking I’m the worst mom in the world.

    A few weeks ago Amy and I sat down to get real about being in a post-baby body, how to learn to love her, take care of her and find our womanhood again.  We also got into the very hard topic of ending the body wars for our sons and daughters.

    You can listen to our podcast here.

    And while you’re there, make sure to check out a few more of her podcasts.  “Screw being perfect” is one of my favorites:). You can also join the Mama Truth Circle for free to meet your people.

    And being a mom is never easy, and we need each other to move through some of these difficult topics.  If you know someone who is struggling with this or who may find this helpful, I hope you’ll send them this.  Why stay on the surface when we can get deep and real with each other?

    Make sure to come back to the blog and let me know what you think.

    Love,

    Sarah

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  • 07
    Apr 2016

    Worried you’re too fat for your partner? I get it. Here’s what to do.

    Last week I asked you if you had any questions for me or topics you wanted me to talk about, and I received so many beautiful requests, thank you! I love knowing what you need, and I am here for you. I’m going to try to get through most of them over the next few months.  If you have something you want to learn more about, you can just reply to this email and let me know.

    The question that hit me like a ton of bricks was, “how can I feel like I’m good enough for my partner despite my weight?”

    I have worried about this since the moment I met Jonathan (and every guy before him) and this is something almost all of my clients struggle with in Live More Weigh Less, so we talk about it A LOT.

    I am happy to report that after years of worrying I wasn’t good enough for Jonathan because of my weight, I no longer feel this way.  I have a deep knowing that he is the luckiest man on earth to be with me AND I am also not at my ideal weight right now.

    I spent so long thinking I needed to look a certain way in order for our relationship to feel amazing, and now, here I am in a relationship that has never been better in a body that has never been worse, so I know without a doubt that the two are not related.  Let me walk you through a few truths on the matter…

    1. The reason we are programmed to think we are not worthy of our partners because of our weight is because we have attached so many character flaws to our physical state.  Subconsciously we believe that if we are overweight we are also lazy, unsexy, stressed out, grumpy, frumpy, masculine, volatile, flat, etc, etc.  Now, you may be that way, but that has nothing to do with your weight.  Those character traits come from not nurturing the parts of us we want to exude, usually because we are putting so much energy on trying to lose weight whilst ignoring becoming the person we long to become.  Take some time to identify what characteristics you are associating with being overweight and then get real with yourself.  Are you actually that way? If so, do you long to be different?  How can you put attention on those qualities directly instead of solely focusing on your weight?
    1. So here’s the deal, not only is it not true that you are unworthy because of your weight, but it’s also not true that you are unworthy because of how you are acting, what is true is that you feeling unworthy of your partner has nothing to do with them at all! You feeling unworthy of them just means that you don’t like yourself, or that you are not living up to your potential. It is so easy to project how we are feeling about ourselves onto our partners and blaming it on our weight but when we peel back the layers, it just means you aren’t completely in love with yourself.  Let me give you an example.  Since having Annabelle I have not felt sexy at all.  At first I went into this whole thing about how because I had gained weight since having Annabelle that Jonathan didn’t think I was sexy. Then I remembered that sexiness comes from within not from how I look so I judged myself for not cultivating my sexiness for my relationship.  AND THEN I asked myself if I longed to feel sexier for me.  Nope.  Here’s the reality, that part of me will come back, and I nurture it a little bit more every day, but I am letting myself sink into this postpartum phase and give it the space it deserves (a blog post for another time).  All of this is to say, when you follow the thread back to yourself, you may find you have total acceptance for that part of you, especially when you know there will be a time and place to cultivate it in the future.
    1. This is the most important one: you are not your body.  You have a body, you are not a body.  Your partner married a whole, dynamic, multilayered, complicated woman! Saying you are not worthy of your partner because of your weight is like saying you aren’t worthy of your partner because of your shoe size, your hair color or your ethnicity.  I can’t believe my husband married me, I have size 9 feet! Can you imagine? This is the thing I keep coming back to in my relationship right now.  I am still me, even if my tummy is stretched out and my cheeks are chubbier.  I am still fun, loving, interesting, smart, and I don’t let my weight dim those things (this is key).

    It is a terrible feeling to believe we are not worthy of our partners and it is even harder to not truly love ourselves.  The best first step is to separate how we look from the way exist in the world and then we can do the work to accept the way we are and grow in certain areas if we choose to.  What I have seen with myself and the many of women I’ve worked with in Live More Weigh Less is that when we are taking care of the human/soul part of us, which will allow us to feel unconditional love in our relationship, it is so much easier to take care of our bodies and move towards feeling physically strong and energized, but then that’s just icing on the cake!

    Being a woman isn’t always easy, and we need each other to move through some of these difficult topics.  If you know someone who is struggling with this or who may find this helpful, I hope you’ll send them this article.  Why stay on the surface when we can get deep and real with each other?

    In the comments, I would love to know if you’ve experienced this feeling before?  Now that you have some insight, what you do you think it’s actually about?

    Looking forward to hearing from you.

    Love,

    Sarah

  • 31
    Mar 2016

    Checking in

    I’m not feeling super creative or coachy today, but I still wanted to drop you a line to let you know that you are amazing.  I bet you’re doing a great job at life, even if you’re hard on yourself and think you could do better.  Chances are, you just have abnormally high expectations for yourself.  Maybe today is a good day for a reality check ;).

    Life has been really full recently, in a good way!  Marshall has stopped biting Annabelle (I’ve been sharing the drama on instagram if you’re out of the loop), I’ve been doing a ton of juicy interviews (Mama Truth with Amy Ahlers, Untame Yourself with Liz DiAto,Get Gutsy with Jenny Fenig, Clean & Delicious with Dani Spies and the Off The Charts podcast with Nathalie Lussier have all been released, and keep your eye out for Kristen Kancler’s upcoming Own Your Power summit, my episode on Your Kick Ass Life and Jon Gabriel’s summit this summer).  

    Nisha and I have been thinking so much about Live Free San Francisco on May 5th and making lots of plans for the day.  Doors close on Monday, by the way, if you want to join us.

    I just arrived in NYC last night to teach a workshop at Google today which I am thrilled about.  And one of my dear friends from Williams is getting married on Saturday, so I got to buy a REALLY fancy dress.

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    Jonathan and I are excited to bring the kids to our old favorites (not that they’ll remember, but you know) and spend some time with my family.

    One other thing, I’d love to know if you have a question for me or something you’d like me to write about.  I am really here for YOU and want to help, so don’t be shy.

    Have a wonderful week and be nice to yourself, you deserve a break.

    Love,

    Sarah

     

     

     

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