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How to avoid having a threesome with Ben and Jerry

Whenever people tell me, “I just can’t stop eating, it tastes soooo good.”  I always know that they are using food for entertainment, happiness and FUN.  Think about it, if eating ice cream is the most entertaining thing you’re doing all day, without it your life is going to be super boring.  Even if you try to stop eating it, you’re going to find yourself, as Kate, a Live More Weigh Less Mastery Alum would put it, in a threesome with Ben and Jerry.

The key is finding your kicks somewhere else. You need to make your life so fun that food is no longer a highlight.

In order to make sure none of you have the excuse I hear so often, “I just don’t know what I like to do for fun”  I made a list of things to do here.  Enjoy!

Go to the movies
See a concert
Go to a museum
Walk on the beach
Meet a friend for tea
Wear red lipstick
Read a magazine in a hotel lobby in the middle of the day
Google “cute puppies”
Walk in the rain
Window shop
Arrange flowers
Take a dance class
Dance in your kitchen
Go to a comedy club
Skinny dip
Take a day trip to a neighboring town and explore
Wear heels to the grocery store
Knit
Paint
Sing
Have a slumber party
Tickle your honey
Read a book on your couch
Create a pinterest board of vacation destinations
Stretch
Go for a hike
Google “waterfalls near (your zip code)” and go.
Take a cooking class
Go sailing
Bowl
Have a black and white movie night at home
Host a vision board party
Do a cart wheel, or a summersault
Play your instrument
Learn how to tap dance
Check out your local flea market
Walk in the park
Fish
Feed the ducks
Go to a paint your own pottery place
Look through old photos
Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in years
Write a love note
Journal
Swim
Get your nails done
Get a massage
Ask your partner to massage your feet
Do any non-sexy activity (like your taxes) with your partner… naked
Get a professional blow out
Go to a wine bar and savor an amazing glass of red wine
Get your makeup professionally done
Learn a new hairstyle
Blow bubbles
Jump rope
Hula hoop
Go to a petting zoo or a pet store and hang with the animals
Visit a greenhouse
Throw a dinner party
Go to the card store and buy fun cards
Peruse an old book store
Rent a convertible for the day
Go on a horseback ride
Wear a funny hat
Play tennis
Have a bonfire at the beach
Go on a picnic
Build a teepee or a fairy house
Garden
Throw a little kids themed birthday party for a friend
Pretend it’s someone’s birthday at a restaurant
Play cards or a board game (my fave is Cranium)
Play Truth or Dare
Rent a cruiser bike with a basket… and buy flowers
Volunteer at a soup kitchen
Snuggle on the couch
Take a nap

Got some ideas?  In the comments below, I’d love to know what things on this list sound more fun than a threesome with Ben and Jerry, and what other ideas you have for us!

Can’t wait to hear from you.

Love,

Sarah

5 days to register for LIVE FREE + why you should break the rules

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Before I dive in today, I wanted to give you a heads up that there’s only 5 days left to sign up for LIVE FREE Sonoma.  So if you’re coming, it’s time to get it handled.  If you’re on the fence, just reply to this email with your questions and we’ll get right back to you.

The other day I was remembering a conversation I had with one of my Live More Weigh Less participants.  She was lamenting that she didn’t have any time to herself. Even though she knew that taking care of herself was key to weighing less, she was completely stuck on how to do it.

I was giving her a ton of ideas and options on our coaching call and she kept shooting them down.  Finally she said,

“Look, I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old, this is just the way it is.

In response I said, “That’s just the way it is… for most people. Are you most people?”

Of course, she agreed that she wasn’t “most people” and committed to creating a new paradigm and a new set of rules.  Together we created her ideal life.  Time for her, her relationship and her family, which all lead to her feeling so much happier and losing twenty pounds.  

How often do you tell yourself, “Well, this is just the way it is.”

I can’t get to the gym because I have to work late.
I can’t afford to go to Paris because I don’t make enough money.

I won’t find a boyfriend because I’m too fat.
I can’t start a business because my husband will never get it.
I can’t go to the spa because I have three kids.

SO MANY RULES! What if you decided to be a rule breaker?  What if there was actually a way for life to be full, easy and fun… even with all the responsibilities and obligations you currently have?

At LIVE FREE last year we had women…

Find the money to start her business without her husband backing her
Get a raise in a government job (?!)
Negotiate working 10 less hours a week in finance

Completely outsource all the life “junk” she hated doing, so she could spend more time on her business and with her kids

The list goes on… you can read (and listen) about some of the success stories here and here.

Is this easy to do? Absolutely not. Is it possible? HELL YES. But you have to decide that you are not like most people. You want more out of your life and you are willing to put in the work to get there.

As I mentioned, the deadline for LIVE FREE is only 5 days away and if you’re an ambitious woman who knows that creating an amazing life is your key to success, then we hope you’ll join us.

You can read all about the retreat and enroll here.

If you’re hoping to join us for LIVE FREE but haven’t RSVP’d yet (because you’re not sure of timing, finances, etc) hit reply and let us know where you’re at, so we can help you figure out the details.

Love,

Sarah & Nisha

Life as a New Mom & Deadline for LIVE FREE

I have decided that you have to be insane to have a child. Or at the very least have the stamina and stealth of a CEO of a billion dollar company.

Insane-CEO. I’ll take it, I guess.

When Marshall was four weeks old I told Jonathan, “I cannot believe that, like, MOST women have babies. That’s nuts.”  I have so much more respect for our gender. I had no clue.

The hardest part for me about being a Mom is that, when on autopilot, you have no life.

Me-time, working out, dates, showers, a social life get overtaken by diapers, breast feeding around the clock, bouncing, singing, cuddling, rocking… it’s all consuming and it’s easy to stay in survival mode hoping that someday, something will change and it will get better.

I remember, when Marshall was about six weeks, feeling so far away from myself and wondering how on earth I was going to find my way back.  Then I remembered — Oh yeah, I do this for a living.

Although I may seem like a weight loss coach, what I really am is a Life Curator. I help women create WAY better lives so that food is no longer their only source of happiness.  I took myself on as a client.

I made a list of all the things I needed in my life to feel human again: dance, working out, dates, time to read, lunch with the girls and regular massages.  I mapped out on a calendar my ideal week and then set to work to find a nanny who could watch Marshall while I do those things (before you throw your hands up and say, “Well I can’t afford a nanny” I’m going to address that so keep reading).  After some serious manifestation work, the perfect nanny landed in our laps (NICU nurse, midwife in training, calm, warm, loving) and I was off to curate my life.

Here’s what I’ve connected with so deeply in this process of finding myself again:

Life Takes Strategy.  

And when we think that life should just happen, or be easy, we find ourselves burnt out, bored, overwhelmed and flat.

I could easily see the effort to find a babysitter, so I can go to the movies with my girlfriends or get my nails done as a nuisance, but instead I see it as an act of dedication to myself, my marriage, my friendships and my son.  Because I know that when I’m happy and filled up, I am a much better mother.

And it’s important to know that this isn’t specific to mothers.  Creating the life you want with a career, family obligations, a relationship and a social life is hella hard, and takes some serious strategy.

So you may be thinking…

I don’t even know what I want.
I don’t have the money to hire a nanny, travel or do the things I really want to do.
I don’t know where to find the kind of support I need for my business or my family, so I have more freedom.

This is why we created the LIVE FREE Retreat in Sonoma California this fall.

In Sonoma this October we’re going to be:

1. Helping you identify exactly what you need in your life to feel happy, beautiful and in love (with yourself and your partner).  We’ll talk about activities, trips, experiences, downtime, self-care… where to get it, when to get it and how to fit it in to your specific life.  You’ll leave the long weekend with a new calendar and the resources you need to walk into your new life right away.

2. How to MAKE MORE MONEY so you can afford the support you need and pay for the experiences you want.  We are going to strategize with you on how much extra you need and exactly how you are going to add it to your bottom line.

3. How to manifest (spiritually and practically) the people you need in your life.  Women last year left the weekend with nannies already hired, housekeepers booked, business assistants in place. I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “I needed to find a (designer, realtor, therapist, dance class) and I found it and booked it during the retreat.”

And a lot more…so you can have the life you deserve.

Nisha and I have experienced first hand exactly what it takes to plan, pay for and execute your ideal life and we feel incredibly passionate about helping women create the freedom they desire.

The deadline to enroll in LIVE FREE is July 1st. You can read all about the long weekend and see if it’s the right fit for you here: LIVE FREE Sonoma.

If you have any questions just reply to this email and someone on our team will get right back to you.

Your life strategists,

Sarah (and Nisha)

An ode to Dads

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I’m so excited to introduce you to this month’s blog babysitter, Natalie Berthold.  This article is especially close to my heart now that I have my own son.  I see him and Jonathan interacting, and I realize how very important the father is in a son’s life.  Natalie has been one of my dear friends for many years and has helped me with my familial relationships on many levels.   Natalie was psyched to be a blog babysitter, as she actually started a babysitting club growing up, and then became a teacher for nine years, and now dedicates her life to healing family and ancestral dynamics, working with women with disordered eating patterns and breaking patterns that we adopted from our parents and ancestors (I know it sounds a little nuts, but it’s seriously some of the most profound work I’ve ever done, you can learn more about her and her work here www.natalieberthold.com).  If you were in Live More Weigh Less Mastery, then you hopefully listened to Natalie’s bonus portion ‘Release More, Weigh Less’ which speaks to our relationship with our parents and ancestors, particularly our mothers, and how it can affect our weight and emotional eating.  This next article, highlights the importance of fathers in our life.  Happy Father’s Day to you and your loved ones!  .

From Natalie:

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No doubt, a female’s most complicated relationship exists between mother and daughter.  From our first instances in utero, and continued through the rest of our days,  our lives piggyback off of mom and how we relate to one another.  However, we mustn’t gloss over the fathers.  In systemic and family constellation therapy, the father’s presence and contribution needs to be acknowledged.  Too many wives or children don’t give their dads enough credit, when in fact, it takes two to procreate.  Without the father, the children would not have life, so if we make our husbands feel dispensable (whether or not we are married or divorced), guess what, our children feel dispensable as well (hello, the kid is half of them!).  And, if we as wives don’t respect our husbands, you guessed it, our children learn not to respect their spouses as well (among other things).  Worse, your children will feel conflicted over whom to ‘ally with’ when in fact, it is impossible to side with one parent over the other, because it took both to bring them life.  The child will then go on to punish themselves in some way, whether it be through love and relationships, finances and career, or health–perhaps emotional eating. Maybe you are the child of parents like that, and can identify with this tough position, or maybe you’re guilty of creating this dynamic for your own kids. It’s certainly a lose-lose position to be in, so it is important that we don’t ask that or expect that from our children.

Let’s talk a little bit about emotional eating, since I know that is Sarah’s focus with you beloved readers and I myself am no stranger to disordered eating, as I suffered from an extreme case of bulimia for 15 years.  There are many ancestral and familial patterns that can affect our food intake and emotional and disordered eating.  I have worked with many women who tend to overeat because someone important is missing in their lives…oftentimes, the fathers.  Whether they are physically or emotionally absent, we are missing a crucial and nourishing ingredient in our lives.  Often, we had fathers who were very present, but when we hit puberty and started growing boobs and menstruating, fathers and daughters naturally become a little uncomfortable and pull away from each other.  That is ok for a while….it is natural and healthy during this time for the girl to connect with her mother to learn the ways of being a woman, but eventually, some sort of movement needs to be made back to the dad.  If dad is around, try to eat more meals with him, and/or fill up on him in other ways.  If he is not around due to passing away or just being physically or emotionally absent, try putting a plate for him at your table when you eat, and try saying something like “Daddy, thanks for the gift of life.  Life is better and richer when you are around…and so is food”. Sounds silly, but there is a lot to this!  If you are married, try to wait until your husband gets home from work and eat together as a family.  You, your kids, and husband will benefit greatly from this.

You see, In constellation therapy, it is said that the mother brings the child into the world, and the father shows the child the world. The mother is responsible for nourishing and feeding the baby at infancy, but while mom is/was staying home to make sure the baby survives, dad is working to make money that will feed the child when the breast milk will no longer suffice.  To eliminate dad from the equation is detrimental for everyone and can lead to some disordered eating habits.

Where can you acknowledge and respect the fathers in your life more? Where can you direct attention towards them so that they can show you (if you are your father’s child) or your children (if you co-created with a father) the world more? For example, could you ask them advice on finances or cars? As a mother, if a child comes to you with a question on how fireworks explode, could you say something like “you know who is super smart with these things? Daddy!  Let’s ask him!” There are so many ways that the fathers in our lives can, with their wisdom, bestow knowledge and worth upon the younger ones.

In a world where feminism is swarming and women are kicking ass (whoot) we also tend to forget about the men (not whoot). Women have this attitude of “I can make my own money, I can use a dildo, and hell, I can even get prego with a turkey baster.” In this, there is a very clear attitude of MEN ARE NOT NEEDED and this in infiltrating the population and affecting our past, present and current men in many ways. Hell yeah they are needed and wanted, and we need to remind them of that and show them!

Additionally, take a moment today and offer thanks and gratitude for your father and the father of your children, if that is applicable.  Call dad (or tell him in heaven) how thankful you are for your gift of life and all the other gifts you got from him.  If you have a husband, tell him how grateful you are for the gifts you’ve co-created together (kids and otherwise) and how you couldn’t have done it without him.  If you have children, tell them that in them, you see their father and it is all good stuff (name specifics if you can). If you need more direction in aligning yourself properly with your father, or the father of your children, feel free to reach out…I guarantee life will be sweeter (so much so that you wont need to substitute his absence with donuts and ice-cream), you’ll be able to breath easier, be more successful, healthier, and the children or future generations will be happier. Happy Father’s Day everyone!

Much love,

Natalie Berthold