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How extreme jealousy became my greatest asset

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Happy Monday!

I know we don’t usually have a chance to connect on Mondays, but I just posted today’s challenge (we have another week left of the Live More Weigh Less Fall Challenge, I hope you’ll join us if you haven’t already) and I felt compelled to share something about the woman I used to be insanely jealous of.

I remember when I first met Nisha. It was a super brief meeting at Jivamukti Cafe in New York City when a mutual friend introduced us. She floated over, covered in feathers and gave me her signature squinty smile and breathy “hiiieeee”.  I instantly hated her.

She started popping up everywhere.  On websites I was writing for, posting on my friends Facebook walls. And she was an emotional eating coach too. Kill me. I felt like I couldn’t compete, that she was going to corner the market for sure. I mean, who would want to work with me if they could work with her?

Then she emailed me… and she was NICE. Ugh.  So we got together, planned a tele-class, got together again, and again, and again… and soon my jealousy melted into friendship. Since then Nisha has been my coach, my inspiration, my very dear friend and co-host of LIVE FREE (we still have a few spots left FYI).

I had a particularly low moment two years ago when I was ready to throw it all away.  Running my own business just felt too hard and being a weight loss coach was too much pressure. But she made it clear that it wasn’t WHAT I was doing it was HOW I was doing it.  That conversation changed the way I did everything. I quickly quadrupled my income, worked half as much and was so much happier.

Here’s what she taught me:

When most of us are working to build our careers, we work constantly. With fierce determination and a To Do list longer than the day, the work is never truly done, and we just can’t rest until we know we’ve hustled our hearts out.

But even then, we can’t seem to rest.

The way most people “do” ambition, is to constantly hustle harder until we arrive at our goal. But we are human beings and our goals evolve over time. The reality is, if you’re an ambitious person, you’ll never truly “arrive”. Instead, you’ll raise your glass in celebration, then find a new compelling goal to reach for.

If you never learn to truly enjoy your life and feel deeply satisfied within yourself while reaching towards your goals, you’ll find yourself trapped.  In this place, we feel competitive and jealous of others, we feel disconnected from our deeper calling or message, and we find ourselves feeling exhausted, overworked and overwhelmed.  And we all know what happens when we’re in that space, WE EAT. A lot.

So many of us simply want the same thing – the freedom to enjoy time with our friends and family, the money to travel to places that move our soul, the community support that holds us up when we need it and cheers us on when we’re celebrating, the joy that comes from doing work that feels satisfying and meaningful, and to feel playful, relaxed and free.

After years of figuring out how to create that in her own life, and supporting hundreds of other women to do the same through her masterminds and private coaching, Nisha is finally bringing it to a wider sisterhood.

FIERCE FABULOUS FREE is an 8-week course in living for ambitious women on a mission, just like you. It’s about bringing attention to all the important areas of your life – the areas that you might be neglecting, avoiding, or struggling with because you’ve been too overworked or overwhelmed.

Together, you’ll be doing the deep inner and outer work that it takes to truly feel free. Each week, you’ll focus on one topic, so you have time to integrate it all into your daily life for a more meaningful impact, and a bolder and more joyful life.

Nisha created a gorgeous free video series here, which is where you can get to know her and access everything you need to know about the course:SarahJenks.com/Nisha. If you have no plans on signing up for her program, no problem, this training is still so helpful.

I am so excited to share this with you, because I love Nisha and you deserve to be fully awakened to your true potential, live a bold and joyful life, and feel successful, playful, and free.

I’m so grateful for feeling paralyzed with jealousy so many years ago, so that I can now be an intimate part of this woman’s life. I’ve learned so much from her, and I know you will too.

Lots of love,

Sarah

Are you losing weight so men will like you?

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I had something else entirely planned for today. Then my friend Liz DiAlto, founder of Wild Soul Movement sent out an article to her readers that blew me away.  What she said is such an important differentiation that so many of us miss, that I miss sometimes.

I want to share part of it with you, from Liz:

I did a podcast interview last week with Jessica Kupferman from Lady Business Radio.

During the call she shared that her daughter’s high school has a really strict dress code. OK, that seems like it may be reasonable. But then she dropped this bomb,

That the girls are told they can’t wear certain things because it distracts the boys.

And then she dropped this bomb,

That her daughter’s male principal called her out on not wearing a bra and told her she had to wear one.

Are you kidding me?

The message being communicated here is, “Your body is an object and it is a distraction.”

The other morning I attended a “Power Breakfast” in NYC where a big magazine Editor-in-Chief interviewed a beautiful actress. 

When asked about body image she said, “Men will sleep with you whether you’re fat, skinny, tattooed…” the implication being, the only reason to struggle with our bodies is so we feel worthy of attracting a man.

I cringed.

When I asked what her practices are to stay connected to herself and discern between what’s hers and what isn’t in such a profession, she talked about getting quiet and connecting with how she feels. I was really glad to hear that.

She also spoke beautifully about being a mom, that experience and how ultimately, body image shouldn’t even be a thing, “It’s already done,” she said. Which I interpreted to mean just accept yourself the way you are.

But then she threw in, “There is a reason for our breasts other than to satisfy a man…” And I cringed again at the implication that pleasing a man is a top priority for women. Gah!

For the rest of Liz’s article, click here.

When I was in the throws of my emotional eating, I was absolutely perplexed as to why Jonathan wanted to be with me and never let him see me completely naked, even after being together for years.  Even now I have thoughts of, “what if he isn’t attracted to me anymore?”  But then I catch myself, taking care of my body isn’t about him loving me, he loves me no matter what, it’s about ME loving me.  It’s amazing how engrained this way of thinking is.

This Tuesday, September 23rd at 8pm ET / 5pm PT, Liz and I are hosting a free coaching call to talk about how taking care of your body is for YOUR enjoyment. How sex is for YOUR enjoyment.  How owning your beauty is about YOU feeling confident and powerful.  We’re also going to be covering a bunch of other topics that may make you squirm or scream with happiness.  To join us visit sarahjenks.com/wsm.

Today, I want you to think about how you can reclaim your body and stop making it about everyone else. I’d love for you to leave a comment about how you’re going to make this shift.

And I hope to see you on Tuesday.

Lots of love,

Sarah

The fattest girl in school

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Happy “Back to School” Season! This is my favorite time of year. I love the leaves, the apple picking, the hot cider and the PLAID! Dear lord I can’t wear enough plaid.  

Although going back to school was always exciting for me, every summer I tried my hardest to lose weight before school. Every year was “the year” to show up thin and glowing with my hair blowing in the wind leaving a path of shocked drooling boys behind me.  Never happened.

So when it came time to sign up for nutrition school I thought, “this is my chance!” For a little bit, I thought about postponing enrolling until I got my body handled, I couldn’t imagine showing up 30 pounds overweight.  But something in me was just too excited to get started, so I signed up anyway.

I was not ready. I was not “thin enough”. I did not have all of my ducks in order.

And while most of my friends were losing weight during school, I gained 20 pounds while attempting to be a vegan for 6 weeks which was immediately followed by a 6 week binge. Lovely.

My friends were signing tons of one-on-one clients while in school.  I graduated without signing a single person.  Needless to say, what was happening on the outside didn’t look so hot, but what was happening on the inside was a different story.

Showing up before I was ready sent my soul a message that I could figure anything out.  Learning about the ins and outs of food allowed me to fall in love with something I had spent my whole life thinking was the enemy. Hearing the stories of successful students and alums, inspired me to start my own business and really create my dream life – now.

That’s when I really learned that…

You have to stop waiting on the weight.

Only then will your life finally feel exhilarating, inspiring and FUN.  And when life is so full, you no longer need to fill yourself up with food.

Going to IIN before I was ready, set my life on a path I never thought was possible for me. I am so grateful that I took the leap when I did.

On Wednesday, September 17th at 7pm ET/4pm PT, I’m hosting a “Back to School Night with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition” to discuss dreaming, goal setting, “solopreneurship”, the health world and how to make sh*t happen.  Even if you don’t feel ready to make a change, I want you to be on that call.  What have you got to lose? Everyone on the call will receive an extra special surprise, so you won’t want to miss this.

All the details for the call, and to sign up can be found here.

Can’t wait to talk to you next week!

Love,

Sarah

PS. The Live More Weigh Less Challenge kicks off next Monday!  Have you signed up yet? LMWLChallenge.com

A vulnerable post about my body


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If you’ve been following me on Instagram and Facebook (if you haven’t, get on it), you’re slightly up to speed on my journey with my body since having Marshall. But I haven’t been sharing the whole story… until now.

I loved being pregnant.  I felt amazing. I looked great. It was just easy. And then the last month I blew up like a balloon. I must’ve gained 40 pounds in 4 weeks. I am not exaggerating. I mean, I have stretch marks on my thighs. Last time I checked I wasn’t carrying a baby in my thighs.

When I had Marshall I believed all the stories… It’s just water weight, you’ll lose it right away. Breastfeeding burns so many calories. You’ll be way too busy to eat. None of this was true for me.  

Instead I found myself dipping into patterns of overeating and hating my body. I wanted to hide, I wanted to snap my fingers and have it all go away. I REALLY didn’t want be a weight loss coach. Talk about the pressure!

Of course I considered going on a cleanse, who doesn’t? They can just sound sooo easy sometimes. But I knew from experience that those don’t work for me, and I had the opportunity to really walk my talk and get to work. I knew that it was time to put the Live More Weigh Less principles to the ultimate test, not just for me, but for all women who are feeling stuck and struggling.  Here are the themes and strategies I got reacquainted with on my journey:

1. You do not need to be skinny to be happy.  I was clear about what I needed to be happy, and went out and did those things. I went shopping, Jonathan and I started going out more to places that required a hot black dress instead of jeans and a t-shirt and I found as many excuses as I could to get in my bathing suit.

2. Women naturally gain and lose weight and it is unrealistic to think we can lose 30 pounds and stay at our perfect weight forever. Life happens. The key is to roll with it, to not let it hold you back, and continue to take care of yourself so you can move towards your ideal weight again.

3. You are never cured from emotional eating, you just learn how to use it to your benefit.  When I found myself eating ice cream after dinner every night, I didn’t get caught in the never-ending spiral of self-hatred, I instead asked myself, “what am I getting from the ice cream that I am missing in my life? How can I add more of what I need into my life?”

4. The only way to lose weight is to ask yourself what you want MORE than being thin. For a good chunk of time I was caught in this trap of telling myself, “I have to lose weight, I have to lose weight, stop eating, work out more, stop eating…” and then I remembered my own core strategy in Live More Weigh Less: what do I want more than losing weight? I want to be calm, present, alive and connected to my intuition.  Eating pastries every day does not help me accomplish that goal.  The habit was just a distraction from really feeling what was happening in my heart and keeping me totally amped on sugar and refined flour. Now when I go to the counter I ask myself, “Do I want a croissant or do I want to feel at ease?” Ease has been winning more and more.

5. Stop waiting on the weight.  When I went back to work I dove head first into the rebrand of SarahJenks.com and Live More Weigh Less.  I’m expanding my team and hiring a hot shot publicist.  I’m going BIG. And I’m the biggest I’ve ever been.  There was a week when I was ready to push pause, for like, a year. Or throw it all out the window and become an interior designer instead. And again I caught myself, stop waiting on the weight, Sarah!  So I signed all the contracts and shelled out the cash.  No going back now.

6. No hiding. I had this idea to do a challenge, and then I realized I had to post pictures of myself on the internet. Hmmmm.  But as you heard last week, the challenge is happening, and I am psyched for it.  I want to show you that your body does not have to hold you back from having the life you want. We all deserve to be seen, we all deserve to have an amazing life, regardless of our weight. This is exactly what this Fall’s challenge is about, and I hope you’ll join me.

I knew when I decided to do this work, that it was not going to be easy for me. I am not naturally thin nor do I effortlessly pass on dessert. I chose to do this work because I get how hard it is, and I am very committed to figuring out how to get over the pain, so I can help you do the same.  

Love,

Sarah

P.S. I don’t want you to miss out, to sign up for the Live More Weigh Less Fall Challenge, visit LMWLChallenge.com.