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An ode to Dads

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I’m so excited to introduce you to this month’s blog babysitter, Natalie Berthold.  This article is especially close to my heart now that I have my own son.  I see him and Jonathan interacting, and I realize how very important the father is in a son’s life.  Natalie has been one of my dear friends for many years and has helped me with my familial relationships on many levels.   Natalie was psyched to be a blog babysitter, as she actually started a babysitting club growing up, and then became a teacher for nine years, and now dedicates her life to healing family and ancestral dynamics, working with women with disordered eating patterns and breaking patterns that we adopted from our parents and ancestors (I know it sounds a little nuts, but it’s seriously some of the most profound work I’ve ever done, you can learn more about her and her work here www.natalieberthold.com).  If you were in Live More Weigh Less Mastery, then you hopefully listened to Natalie’s bonus portion ‘Release More, Weigh Less’ which speaks to our relationship with our parents and ancestors, particularly our mothers, and how it can affect our weight and emotional eating.  This next article, highlights the importance of fathers in our life.  Happy Father’s Day to you and your loved ones!  .

From Natalie:

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No doubt, a female’s most complicated relationship exists between mother and daughter.  From our first instances in utero, and continued through the rest of our days,  our lives piggyback off of mom and how we relate to one another.  However, we mustn’t gloss over the fathers.  In systemic and family constellation therapy, the father’s presence and contribution needs to be acknowledged.  Too many wives or children don’t give their dads enough credit, when in fact, it takes two to procreate.  Without the father, the children would not have life, so if we make our husbands feel dispensable (whether or not we are married or divorced), guess what, our children feel dispensable as well (hello, the kid is half of them!).  And, if we as wives don’t respect our husbands, you guessed it, our children learn not to respect their spouses as well (among other things).  Worse, your children will feel conflicted over whom to ‘ally with’ when in fact, it is impossible to side with one parent over the other, because it took both to bring them life.  The child will then go on to punish themselves in some way, whether it be through love and relationships, finances and career, or health–perhaps emotional eating. Maybe you are the child of parents like that, and can identify with this tough position, or maybe you’re guilty of creating this dynamic for your own kids. It’s certainly a lose-lose position to be in, so it is important that we don’t ask that or expect that from our children.

Let’s talk a little bit about emotional eating, since I know that is Sarah’s focus with you beloved readers and I myself am no stranger to disordered eating, as I suffered from an extreme case of bulimia for 15 years.  There are many ancestral and familial patterns that can affect our food intake and emotional and disordered eating.  I have worked with many women who tend to overeat because someone important is missing in their lives…oftentimes, the fathers.  Whether they are physically or emotionally absent, we are missing a crucial and nourishing ingredient in our lives.  Often, we had fathers who were very present, but when we hit puberty and started growing boobs and menstruating, fathers and daughters naturally become a little uncomfortable and pull away from each other.  That is ok for a while….it is natural and healthy during this time for the girl to connect with her mother to learn the ways of being a woman, but eventually, some sort of movement needs to be made back to the dad.  If dad is around, try to eat more meals with him, and/or fill up on him in other ways.  If he is not around due to passing away or just being physically or emotionally absent, try putting a plate for him at your table when you eat, and try saying something like “Daddy, thanks for the gift of life.  Life is better and richer when you are around…and so is food”. Sounds silly, but there is a lot to this!  If you are married, try to wait until your husband gets home from work and eat together as a family.  You, your kids, and husband will benefit greatly from this.

You see, In constellation therapy, it is said that the mother brings the child into the world, and the father shows the child the world. The mother is responsible for nourishing and feeding the baby at infancy, but while mom is/was staying home to make sure the baby survives, dad is working to make money that will feed the child when the breast milk will no longer suffice.  To eliminate dad from the equation is detrimental for everyone and can lead to some disordered eating habits.

Where can you acknowledge and respect the fathers in your life more? Where can you direct attention towards them so that they can show you (if you are your father’s child) or your children (if you co-created with a father) the world more? For example, could you ask them advice on finances or cars? As a mother, if a child comes to you with a question on how fireworks explode, could you say something like “you know who is super smart with these things? Daddy!  Let’s ask him!” There are so many ways that the fathers in our lives can, with their wisdom, bestow knowledge and worth upon the younger ones.

In a world where feminism is swarming and women are kicking ass (whoot) we also tend to forget about the men (not whoot). Women have this attitude of “I can make my own money, I can use a dildo, and hell, I can even get prego with a turkey baster.” In this, there is a very clear attitude of MEN ARE NOT NEEDED and this in infiltrating the population and affecting our past, present and current men in many ways. Hell yeah they are needed and wanted, and we need to remind them of that and show them!

Additionally, take a moment today and offer thanks and gratitude for your father and the father of your children, if that is applicable.  Call dad (or tell him in heaven) how thankful you are for your gift of life and all the other gifts you got from him.  If you have a husband, tell him how grateful you are for the gifts you’ve co-created together (kids and otherwise) and how you couldn’t have done it without him.  If you have children, tell them that in them, you see their father and it is all good stuff (name specifics if you can). If you need more direction in aligning yourself properly with your father, or the father of your children, feel free to reach out…I guarantee life will be sweeter (so much so that you wont need to substitute his absence with donuts and ice-cream), you’ll be able to breath easier, be more successful, healthier, and the children or future generations will be happier. Happy Father’s Day everyone!

Much love,

Natalie Berthold

Last Chance for Wild Soul Movement

Happy Friday!

I wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that my friend Liz DiAlto’s program, Wild Soul Movement is closing for enrollment TONIGHT. Last week I told you all about Liz, and how cancelling my gym membership and following her philosophy finally helped me lose weight for my wedding.  Now I’m using Wild Soul Movement to get back to my body after baby.

As you know, I hate (yes, hate) programs that focus on losing weight at any cost.  Wild Soul Movement is more about discovering, loving and enjoying your body now through sensual movement, mantras and meditation.  I just love it.

Here’s a picture of Liz, this is totally how I want to feel.

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photo by: Christa Meola

So I wanted to give you one last chance to join me and Liz for her Wild Soul Movement summer session.  It’s incredibly affordable, super fun and actually makes me feel better about myself, not worse.

Doors close tonight, so sign up here: Wild Soul Movement

It really is a beautiful gift to give yourself this spring.

Have a great weekend!

Sarah

How 20 seconds a day can change your relationship.

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When women come to me to lose weight, the first thing we explore is what’s missing in their lives that they’re filling with food.  One of the top three things I see (besides an utter lack of fun and hating their jobs) is that they’re unhappy in their relationship.

Without being fed in this area it’s so common to eat ice cream at night (when we should be cuddling) or overeating our dinner in front of the TV (when we should be sharing about our days at the dinner table).  So instead of giving my client a meal plan or telling her to give up ice cream (fat chance), I go straight for the cause of the overeating: the relationship.

Now, it may feel like creating the perfect relationship is a daunting task, but I’ve discovered that there’s one thing you can do that can put everything on the right track, and it only takes 10 seconds.

It’s how you say goodbye in the morning, and how you say hello in the evening.

A rushed goodbye kiss in the morning as you’re pulling your bag over your shoulder, or barely glancing up from your breakfast as your partner bolts out the door is like saying my job, my coffee, the baby… is more important than you.  Getting that message every day can drive a pretty serious wedge in between you.

A half-hearted peck when you see each other after a long day screams, “ugh, you again?” and can set the energy for a lackluster, sexless night.

Instead, I want you to try this:

In the morning, when it’s time to say goodbye, put down what you’re doing, stand up, give them a long (at least 5 seconds) kiss and then when you pull away keep a point of contact like your hand on their face, holding their hand or touching their arm and say “have a great day” and mean it.  Extra credit if you throw in a “I can’t wait to see you tonight” or “I’ll miss you”.

In the evening, whether you are home first or walking in the door, drop everything (your bag, your TV show, cooking, your email) rush over to them (moving physically towards them is key) and plant a long passionate kiss on their lips. Extra credit for some tongue.  Smile.  Look excited to see them.  And simply say “I’m glad you’re home” or “I missed you today”.

I promise, this sh*t works.

You may feel vulnerable, awkward or uncomfortable the first few times, but soon you’ll see the incredible impact this 20 seconds is having on your relationship, your happiness and your waistline.

I want to invite you to commit to doing this everyday for a week, just to see what happens.  What’ve you go to lose?

Love,

Sarah

Why you should cancel your gym membership: introducing Wild Soul Movement.

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The year I graduated from college, I dragged my ass to the gym every morning at 6:30am to run on the treadmill for 30 min and then lift for 45 minutes.

I gained 30 pounds that year.

Most women think that burning as many calories as possible, regardless of how torturous and boring the activity, is the best way to lose weight.  But the reality is that long, unpleasurable, stressful workouts will cause nothing but weight gain.

I cancelled my gym membership and started doing independent programs I actually enjoyed like hip hop, running, pilates and Liz DiAlto’s first program, Tighter in Ten, which helped me get super sleek and sexy before my honeymoon.

You may have heard me talk about my good friend, fitness expert and female powerhouse Liz DiAlto before.  As you know, I have a very specific attitude about physical activity and how it relates to weight loss, and Liz is one of the only people I trust when it comes to working out.

So when it was time to start getting back to my body after baby I called Liz right away.  She told me about this amazing program that she was releasing and let me sample before the doors opened this week.  I love all of the perks I get from my friends:).  I’ve been doing Wild Soul Movement at home a few mornings a week while Marshall is napping and I have seriously never experienced anything like it.  Not only do I get a great workout but the program is truly awakening my femininity, sensuality and soul again — god knows we all need that!

As you know, I only tell you guys about things I truly love and have experienced and I feel really passionate about this one.  You see, so many women work out to change their bodies but Liz and I believe that we should work out because we love our bodies. Tweet it.   So many workouts take us outside of ourselves and make us feel rigid and robot like, but Wild Soul Movement brings us back to our bodies and our wild side;).  I can’t recommend it enough, you can check it out and enroll in her program here.

I’m in Mexico with Jonathan and Marshall this week doing yoga, lying on the beach and continuing to discover the “new me” post baby.  I can’t wait to connect with you when I get back.

Adios!

Sarah