I got this email from one of my VIP clients this week, and I had to share it with you.

“Okay,  I totally get it now.

I finally am starting to get over the whole “I can’t believe I wear a size 16, gross.” I just ordered tons of stuff including lingerie because I’m going to celebrate the sh*t out of my body.

So while celebrating my body out with my new awesome guy friend in my new size 16 outfit that I could actually breathe in, this guy started chatting me up. This guy turned out to be Gavin Degraw (famous singer dude “Oh chariot”). He was with this skinny blonde thang (super pretty and basically my old idea of perfection). I was just being super duper myself because I wasn’t going to pass out from the tightness around my waist. Anyway homeboy tried to pick me up – I was like say what?!

Size 16 me vs. size 2 blonde.

I was like, okay Sarah may have a point about this whole ‘live more’ before you weigh less thing.

Yeah major breakthrough for me today. I have this massive limiting belief that guys only notice me one way -skinny – but today I was proven wrong. It was me beaming and being me and showing up fully regardless of what size I am [bolded by Sarah for emphasis].

I honestly never thought I would get here. Love you lots.”

Ah.mazing.

If you want to start turning heads here’s what you gotta do:

1. Understand that it’s not about how you look, but how you are radiating, tweet it.  Stand up straight, laugh, be in a good mood, think about WHO you are and what makes you special.

2. Wear clothes that fit you.  I know you have this idea that you don’t want to “waste money” by buying clothes before you’re at your ideal weight.  But just as my client said here, if you spend all day not being able to breathe there’s no way you can relax and shine.

3. Leave the house.  I know so many women who feel safer sitting on the couch all day, just trying not to eat, and spend most of the day complaining how lonely they are.  The outside world is not as scary as it seems.  If people are staring, it’s not because they are judging, they are just noticing your radiance. Go sit in a cafe, go to a farmer’s market, go window shopping, go to the bookstore.

You are more than your size, all you have to do is remember your awesomeness, turn up the volume and everyone’s gonna want to be next to you.

In the comments below I want to know what makes you feel like you’re beaming.  What do you say to yourself? What do you wear?  How do you remember how awesome you are?

Can’t wait to hear.

Love,

Sarah

I’m writing from 10,000 feet, somewhere over South Dakota, on my way to Boston to see my Mom for Mother’s Day (thank god for wifi on planes, magic).

A few weeks ago, when I realized I had to accomplish two weeks worth of work in one weekend (there’s nothing I hate more than working on weekends) in order to pull off the launch of my program, Live More Weigh Less, I felt like the walls were closing in on me.  After pacing around the apartment, making copious to-do lists and trying desperately not to dive into the coffee ice cream we had in the freezer at 10am in morning, I had a moment of clarity, “I need my mommy”.

In an attempt to appear like I was the daughter of the year, I called my Mom and told her I was coming home for Mother’s Day, but the reality was that I was desperate to be taken care of.

Now this in itself was a major breakthrough for me.  Like most driven women, I spent my life focused on being independent and taking care of other people.  I was the go to girl on the playground for boy drama (even though I didn’t have my first kiss til I was 15), I’ve planned all of my friend’s birthdays at least 3 times and when it comes to work, I’m a one-woman show.

With all of the give give give, I spent a lot of my life running on empty, and the only way I could survive, the only way I knew how to feel taken care of, was to eat.

When you have so much of your energy going out, and you have nothing coming in, something has to fill the void.  And food was always there, ready to soothe, comfort and make the world stop spinning, even if just for a minute.

When my therapist asked me, “Sarah, who takes care of you?” I was lost for words.

She followed up with, “who do you need to let take care of you.”

It’s easy to run around, feeling miffed that you’re a lone wolf, but if we’re being honest, this propensity for fierce independence gives us clout, purpose and a badge of honor.  And the reality is that the idea of asking for help, or taking a break will just prove what we already believe about ourselves, that we’re failures, weak and that we can’t handle it.

In short, if you’re exhausted and pissed at everyone for not stepping up, it’s your own fault.

There were two things I needed to do:

1.     Learn that asking for help and taking a break makes me a more successful, happier person.

2.     Let the people in my life who are ready and willing to take care me, do their thing.

So I “pretended” to be the type of person who asks for help, and then saw if my belief that people can’t take care of me, that people would judge me or that I would lose my edge was true.  So I started telling my friends what was going on with me before I asked them how they were, after a 30 minute lecture on how terrible a friend’s boyfriend is I just said “Wow, that sucks” as opposed to suggesting a 3 month man-training strategy, I hired an incredible assistant, I called my Mom and asked her for relationship advice, called my dad and asked him for business advice and asked Jonathan to make dinner, plan a date and massage my feet.

It was revolutionary.

Though I thought all of this “neediness” was going to make me feel like a selfish loser, what I discovered was quite the opposite. I felt more focused, calm and empowered.  Sure, there were pangs of guilt for asking someone else to give to me, but what I realized was that they were as happy to give as I was to receive.

And the icing on the cake was that the visions of pounding warm chocolate cookies faded away.

So I’m on a mission to inspire women to ask for help, wanna help me out by tweeting this?

‘Doing it all’ is overrated.  True success and happiness happens when we let other people take care of us.  Happy Mother’s Day. via @sarahejenks

If you’re the type of Mom who ‘does it all’ I want to encourage Sunday to be the beginning of a new tradition of asking for help and taking a break, everyday.  If you’re a daughter who doesn’t let your Mom take care of you, get over it and let her hold you.  It’s the best feeling in the world.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of the incredible mommies out there.

Xo

Sarah

I’ve gotten some emails over the past week from women who really want to enroll in Live More Weigh Less but have confided in me that their partners don’t want to spend the money.

This is a tricky situation because on one hand we don’t want to be a ball buster and deliberately do something our partner doesn’t believe in, and on the other hand we don’t want to feel like we have to ask for permission to do something we know we need.

Over the years I’ve had to talk to my husband, Jonathan about many investments I’ve wanted to make in my personal growth. In the beginning, the conversations didn’t go so well, resulting in me kicking and screaming to get my way. Now we can have a quick chat and come to a calm mutual agreement about our decision.

I asked Jonathan to tell me what were the most effective elements of a productive conversation about money. I was so impressed by what he sent me that I just copied and pasted it here. I think it’s always helpful to have a man’s perspective on how to talk with your partner about making an investment in yourself like Live More Weigh Less. I hope you find it helpful.

From Jonathan:

Step 1: Don’t do this:

• Don’t assume he’ll say yes or no.
• Don’t be whiny or entitled
• Just because he says no initially, doesn’t mean he won’t say yes with some encouragement and help understanding why it’s important to you…

Step 2: Get in the right frame of mind

• Approach the situation like you’re a team. Financial decisions, regardless of who makes more money, affect both of you so this should be a joint decision.
• Be confident and loving

Step 3: Paint the picture

• Start the conversation by saying why you want to do the program and who you hope to become
• I remember when Sarah came to me and said she wanted to invest 20K in a personal development program. I thought “holy hell- we’re 25K in debt and I have a ton of med school loans… Is she f*cking crazy?” But what helped me support Sarah is that she painted a picture of who she wanted to become and how this program was going to get her there. She described where she wanted to take her business, her life, and our relationship and how specifically this program was going to take US there.

Step 4: The investment:

• Don’t pretend the program is free. Acknowledge that the cost is more than a night out.
• Consider saying something along the lines….”I know this is an investment, but I think it’s a good one and reiterate why using the reasons above (we can be stubborn, sometimes it takes saying something twice to have it sink in).

Step 5: Where is the money coming from (this is the one most people miss)

• Before you start the conversation, take a look at your financial picture and have a suggestion about where the money will come from
• A big evolution in my and Sarah’s discussions about programs, business investments, trips, etc was discussing specifically where the money would come from. Nothing screams financial responsibility to us men more than when you can talk about something you want and how you can make it a reality. And just saying you’ll spend less money shopping doesn’t count.

Step 6: Ask them if they have any questions.

• Remember, we don’t know nearly as much about the program as you do and just because we want more information does not mean we dont trust you. It’s in our nature to push back sometimes and be inquisitive.
• Don’t get defensive; its important to answer their questions in a confident and loving way.
• Try some validation: “I can completely understand that concern, and this is why I think it’s a good idea….” or “That’s a great question, and here’s what I think….”
• It’s important that this is a discussion, not a fight or lecture.

Step 7: The closer: make them the hero

• Men like nothing more than to play the hero. This conversation is not about asking permission, but rather saying something along the lines of “it would mean so much to have your support in this.” The ace in the hole: At some point during the conversation, he might say “ I don’t understand why you can’t just change. Why do you need some program with all these women?”- I know, I’ve been there.
• It’s taken me and Sarah a long while and many discussions for me to understand that women and men are just different when it comes to self and professional improvement. Men are of the mindset that if you want to change all you have to do is will it, put in more effort and it will become a reality. Sarah has shown me time and time again what a difference a program and a community of women make in her own journey. Most men can do it alone, most women need a community.
• Acknowledging the difference diffuses the situation and get us out of the mindset that you should approach every decision and situation like men.

If you’re dying to do LMWL but have gotten the kabosh from your partner, I really encourage you to follow these steps and see if you can get your partner to support you in this decision.

When you’re ready, you can enroll in Live More Weigh Less here: LMWL Enrollment Page. And remember that enrollment closes tomorrow, May 3rd at 8pm Eastern so make sure to have this conversation tonight.

If you have some success with this, Jonathan and I would love to hear from you!

xo

Sarah

P.S. I wanted to give you a taste of the results women have in LMWL. Here are three notes from women who have gone through the program.

I used to turn to food for comfort when things were very hard and when my kids were at their dad’s. I also had this feeling that I was always wrong, bad, not doing enough or couldn’t trust my own instincts about myself and my life, all of this has completely changed. Sarah’s coaching was very right-on. She has great instincts for what is going on with people and what they need. I felt she went to the heart of the matter with each and every woman, in a way she could understand. Sarah’s advice to me around writing was extremely grounding and anchoring. I was so impressed that she honed right in on what I needed. 

The tools Sarah has shared during the program leave you with so much room for self-exploration and I am so much happier with my life after taking part of this program. ~ Wenda

I signed up for Live More Weigh Less because I knew it was time to face the “stuff” I was stuffing down with food. I’ve lost about five pounds, but I FEEL so freaking much lighter! I’m really paying attention to what I eat — both during and after the meal, checking in with how I feel — and I’m letting more pleasure seep into my everyday existence. It isn’t all work work work, then have some ice cream — it’s a much more gentle, soft, and abundant experience of enjoying my shower, my music, my massage, my make-up, AND my food.

The most profound takeaway for me was understanding that when I was looking to food, I was REALLY craving something else entirely. I learned to stop eating like a shitbag with that one simple question: how will I feel in an hour? It takes all the concerns about calories and diet away and REALLY makes me check in with my body. Without LMWL, I would still be measuring, weighing, and despising food. ~ Kristen Kalp

As a classic over-intellectualizer, I spent the better part of a decade trying [failing] to slay some dragons within my mind. With that came a little late night Tasmanian devil that lived to raid the fridge. The monster was winning the battle when I met Sarah Jenks. I didn’t even know ‘emotional eating’ was a thing that could be ‘coached,’ but the second she described it, I knew I was the target demographic.

I honestly had no idea what I was signing up for, but Sarah’s energy just made me want to sink my teeth into this ‘living more’ stuff, and so each week I eagerly waited for each module’s release like a fave new episode of primetime-comi-drama.

Live More Weigh Less is profoundly different from any weight loss program I’ve ever experienced. (And I’ve listened to my embarrassing share of audiotapes!) I would say the journey is uniquely personal for each woman, but to move through it with the camaraderie on the forums was surprisingly intimate. And if you really let the curtain down, really go in with this work, you will pull out things you never imagined could be so beautiful and hard and worth it.

When I have a moment of insanity I frequently hear Sarah’s guidance pop into my head like the Fairy Godmother of Weight Loss. She is funny, charming to listen to, and 100% transparent about her own ongoing journey. (Most fitness+nutrition types just don’t get this special kind of crazy.) And because it is an ongoing journey I’m really excited to go through the program in it’s next phase because Sarah is also a BOSS with an eye for innovation and this stuff just gets better. ~ Rebecca Berdel

I hope you had an amazing weekend. I had the honor of throwing one of my closest friends in SF a bachelorette party in Palm Springs. It was one weekend long pool party full of good talks, poolside service and relaxing spa services. Da bomb. Here’s a cute pic of me and the bachelorette hamming it up in the pool.

When I was floating in the pool with the other women (most of which I was meeting for the first time) having the time of my life and feeling great in my bikini, I remembered that this was the exact type of weekend I used to skip because I was “waiting to be thin.”

Bathingsuit + thin women + pool = worst nightmare

Of course when I would get an invitation to do something, I would start a diet right away and spend weeks panicking over looking like a fat, lazy idiot in my bathing suit. I inevitably screwed up my diet at every turn. Once the party or trip was a few weeks away, I’d just make up some excuse and cancel so I could save myself the embarrassment.

I’ve said “no” to so many things in my life because I was “waiting on the weight”. I’d skip dinner with friends because I didn’t want to be tempted to eat the bread or drink wine, I almost lost Jonathan when I refused to let him see me naked because I hated my body, I avoided going home to see my parents because I was worried about stuffing my face with too much ice cream, I cancelled a trip to the Bahamas. The list of things I missed out on is endless.

But I thought I could just stick to my diet for a few months, lose thirty pounds and THEN I would be able to skip around in my bikini without my body jiggling. And as you know, it never happened.

Most weight loss programs encourage you to stay in, hunker down, press pause, say no. Life gets pretty boring, and we soothe that boredom with chips, chocolate and ice cream.

I created Live More Weigh Less because I wanted to give you a program that inspires you to get out, create adventure, press PLAY, and say YES!

This spring I want you to show up in shorts, RSVP “yes” to that pool party, join your friend for the hike and rock a hot dress at your bestie’s bday. Not because you’re thinner, but because this is what life is all about and you deserve to be there.

And when our life is made up of all of these little joys and adventures we no longer need the sweets and the extra weight we’re holding onto melts away.

Enrollment for Live More Weigh Less is only open until this Friday, May 3rd at 8pm Eastern. If you’re sick of staying in and saying no, I hope you’ll check out this page, start living and say YES!

Live More Weigh Less 

Another thing that is so unique about LMWL are the amazing guest coaches we have in the program. They are going to be teaching you incredible things like fashion styling, finances, cooking, makeup and how to heal your hormone imbalances.

I actually got the chance to sit down with one of the experts, Alisa Vitti author of the new book WomanCode which we’re celebrating in SF this Thursday. I really hope you’ll come out for the party so we can hang out. You have to RSVP here to get your ticket.

I wanted to give you a taste of Alisa before LMWL because I think she is such an incredible woman and her protocol for getting our hormones in balance is revolutionizing my life, and I know it will do the same for you.

In our interview we talked about productivity, stubborn weight, acne, learning to love working out and training our partners to make us happy based on our cycle. Awesome.

You can listen to our talk here : My interview with Alisa Vitti

And you can check out the other amazing guest coaches here.

Love,

Sarah