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Are you losing weight so men will like you?

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I had something else entirely planned for today. Then my friend Liz DiAlto, founder of Wild Soul Movement sent out an article to her readers that blew me away.  What she said is such an important differentiation that so many of us miss, that I miss sometimes.

I want to share part of it with you, from Liz:

I did a podcast interview last week with Jessica Kupferman from Lady Business Radio.

During the call she shared that her daughter’s high school has a really strict dress code. OK, that seems like it may be reasonable. But then she dropped this bomb,

That the girls are told they can’t wear certain things because it distracts the boys.

And then she dropped this bomb,

That her daughter’s male principal called her out on not wearing a bra and told her she had to wear one.

Are you kidding me?

The message being communicated here is, “Your body is an object and it is a distraction.”

The other morning I attended a “Power Breakfast” in NYC where a big magazine Editor-in-Chief interviewed a beautiful actress. 

When asked about body image she said, “Men will sleep with you whether you’re fat, skinny, tattooed…” the implication being, the only reason to struggle with our bodies is so we feel worthy of attracting a man.

I cringed.

When I asked what her practices are to stay connected to herself and discern between what’s hers and what isn’t in such a profession, she talked about getting quiet and connecting with how she feels. I was really glad to hear that.

She also spoke beautifully about being a mom, that experience and how ultimately, body image shouldn’t even be a thing, “It’s already done,” she said. Which I interpreted to mean just accept yourself the way you are.

But then she threw in, “There is a reason for our breasts other than to satisfy a man…” And I cringed again at the implication that pleasing a man is a top priority for women. Gah!

For the rest of Liz’s article, click here.

When I was in the throws of my emotional eating, I was absolutely perplexed as to why Jonathan wanted to be with me and never let him see me completely naked, even after being together for years.  Even now I have thoughts of, “what if he isn’t attracted to me anymore?”  But then I catch myself, taking care of my body isn’t about him loving me, he loves me no matter what, it’s about ME loving me.  It’s amazing how engrained this way of thinking is.

This Tuesday, September 23rd at 8pm ET / 5pm PT, Liz and I are hosting a free coaching call to talk about how taking care of your body is for YOUR enjoyment. How sex is for YOUR enjoyment.  How owning your beauty is about YOU feeling confident and powerful.  We’re also going to be covering a bunch of other topics that may make you squirm or scream with happiness.  To join us visit sarahjenks.com/wsm.

Today, I want you to think about how you can reclaim your body and stop making it about everyone else. I’d love for you to leave a comment about how you’re going to make this shift.

And I hope to see you on Tuesday.

Lots of love,

Sarah

The fattest girl in school

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Happy “Back to School” Season! This is my favorite time of year. I love the leaves, the apple picking, the hot cider and the PLAID! Dear lord I can’t wear enough plaid.  

Although going back to school was always exciting for me, every summer I tried my hardest to lose weight before school. Every year was “the year” to show up thin and glowing with my hair blowing in the wind leaving a path of shocked drooling boys behind me.  Never happened.

So when it came time to sign up for nutrition school I thought, “this is my chance!” For a little bit, I thought about postponing enrolling until I got my body handled, I couldn’t imagine showing up 30 pounds overweight.  But something in me was just too excited to get started, so I signed up anyway.

I was not ready. I was not “thin enough”. I did not have all of my ducks in order.

And while most of my friends were losing weight during school, I gained 20 pounds while attempting to be a vegan for 6 weeks which was immediately followed by a 6 week binge. Lovely.

My friends were signing tons of one-on-one clients while in school.  I graduated without signing a single person.  Needless to say, what was happening on the outside didn’t look so hot, but what was happening on the inside was a different story.

Showing up before I was ready sent my soul a message that I could figure anything out.  Learning about the ins and outs of food allowed me to fall in love with something I had spent my whole life thinking was the enemy. Hearing the stories of successful students and alums, inspired me to start my own business and really create my dream life – now.

That’s when I really learned that…

You have to stop waiting on the weight.

Only then will your life finally feel exhilarating, inspiring and FUN.  And when life is so full, you no longer need to fill yourself up with food.

Going to IIN before I was ready, set my life on a path I never thought was possible for me. I am so grateful that I took the leap when I did.

On Wednesday, September 17th at 7pm ET/4pm PT, I’m hosting a “Back to School Night with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition” to discuss dreaming, goal setting, “solopreneurship”, the health world and how to make sh*t happen.  Even if you don’t feel ready to make a change, I want you to be on that call.  What have you got to lose? Everyone on the call will receive an extra special surprise, so you won’t want to miss this.

All the details for the call, and to sign up can be found here.

Can’t wait to talk to you next week!

Love,

Sarah

PS. The Live More Weigh Less Challenge kicks off next Monday!  Have you signed up yet? LMWLChallenge.com

A vulnerable post about my body


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If you’ve been following me on Instagram and Facebook (if you haven’t, get on it), you’re slightly up to speed on my journey with my body since having Marshall. But I haven’t been sharing the whole story… until now.

I loved being pregnant.  I felt amazing. I looked great. It was just easy. And then the last month I blew up like a balloon. I must’ve gained 40 pounds in 4 weeks. I am not exaggerating. I mean, I have stretch marks on my thighs. Last time I checked I wasn’t carrying a baby in my thighs.

When I had Marshall I believed all the stories… It’s just water weight, you’ll lose it right away. Breastfeeding burns so many calories. You’ll be way too busy to eat. None of this was true for me.  

Instead I found myself dipping into patterns of overeating and hating my body. I wanted to hide, I wanted to snap my fingers and have it all go away. I REALLY didn’t want be a weight loss coach. Talk about the pressure!

Of course I considered going on a cleanse, who doesn’t? They can just sound sooo easy sometimes. But I knew from experience that those don’t work for me, and I had the opportunity to really walk my talk and get to work. I knew that it was time to put the Live More Weigh Less principles to the ultimate test, not just for me, but for all women who are feeling stuck and struggling.  Here are the themes and strategies I got reacquainted with on my journey:

1. You do not need to be skinny to be happy.  I was clear about what I needed to be happy, and went out and did those things. I went shopping, Jonathan and I started going out more to places that required a hot black dress instead of jeans and a t-shirt and I found as many excuses as I could to get in my bathing suit.

2. Women naturally gain and lose weight and it is unrealistic to think we can lose 30 pounds and stay at our perfect weight forever. Life happens. The key is to roll with it, to not let it hold you back, and continue to take care of yourself so you can move towards your ideal weight again.

3. You are never cured from emotional eating, you just learn how to use it to your benefit.  When I found myself eating ice cream after dinner every night, I didn’t get caught in the never-ending spiral of self-hatred, I instead asked myself, “what am I getting from the ice cream that I am missing in my life? How can I add more of what I need into my life?”

4. The only way to lose weight is to ask yourself what you want MORE than being thin. For a good chunk of time I was caught in this trap of telling myself, “I have to lose weight, I have to lose weight, stop eating, work out more, stop eating…” and then I remembered my own core strategy in Live More Weigh Less: what do I want more than losing weight? I want to be calm, present, alive and connected to my intuition.  Eating pastries every day does not help me accomplish that goal.  The habit was just a distraction from really feeling what was happening in my heart and keeping me totally amped on sugar and refined flour. Now when I go to the counter I ask myself, “Do I want a croissant or do I want to feel at ease?” Ease has been winning more and more.

5. Stop waiting on the weight.  When I went back to work I dove head first into the rebrand of SarahJenks.com and Live More Weigh Less.  I’m expanding my team and hiring a hot shot publicist.  I’m going BIG. And I’m the biggest I’ve ever been.  There was a week when I was ready to push pause, for like, a year. Or throw it all out the window and become an interior designer instead. And again I caught myself, stop waiting on the weight, Sarah!  So I signed all the contracts and shelled out the cash.  No going back now.

6. No hiding. I had this idea to do a challenge, and then I realized I had to post pictures of myself on the internet. Hmmmm.  But as you heard last week, the challenge is happening, and I am psyched for it.  I want to show you that your body does not have to hold you back from having the life you want. We all deserve to be seen, we all deserve to have an amazing life, regardless of our weight. This is exactly what this Fall’s challenge is about, and I hope you’ll join me.

I knew when I decided to do this work, that it was not going to be easy for me. I am not naturally thin nor do I effortlessly pass on dessert. I chose to do this work because I get how hard it is, and I am very committed to figuring out how to get over the pain, so I can help you do the same.  

Love,

Sarah

P.S. I don’t want you to miss out, to sign up for the Live More Weigh Less Fall Challenge, visit LMWLChallenge.com.

Wanna pick my brain? Here’s your chance.

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I hope you had an amazing Labor Day.  I’ve been at my summer house for the past ten days with my family.  On Sunday we had a beautiful blessing for Marshall in the bay. A baptism of sorts performed by Marshall’s Great Grandfather with a full dunking, Jesus style.  I feel so lucky to be raising a boy that had both a bris and a baptism. His Jewish Grandfather was there, along with his atheist God Father.  It’s just a fabulous melting pot of religious acceptance.  

I’ve been working on the new curriculum for Live More Weigh Less that’s coming out this spring, and something I’ve been really breaking down is how to make our dreams come true.  What I see happening for so many women is they think that once they lose 20 pounds, all of the sudden they are going to have all this energy, clarity and total absence of obstacles –then it will be soooo much easier to start making our dreams come true.

But it never happens. Why?

If you are currently living a life that is not in full alignment with your dreams and desires, you are going to overeat in order to get that small taste of passion and excitement.  You get stuck in the cycle of boredom and body hatred and never lose the weight.

But I get how going towards your dreams feels hard, and huge, and just like… too much work. I’ve so been there. But let me tell you a story.

Back in 2008 I was sitting at Think Coffee in Greenwich Village with Jonathan on our favorite velvet couch with the ripped seams and coffee stains.  I had been working at my advertising gig for just six months, and I was already bored out of my mind. I was probably going through my repetitive laundry list of complaints (again) to Jonathan when he asked me, “well, what you want to do?” Oddly, I had never really thought about it. Part of me felt too young to really have my pick of my dream job, part of me felt like I needed to focus on my body first, and part of me felt like if I opened that can of worms then I’d just be so overwhelmed.

But I took a deep breath and opened the can. “Well, I really want women to understand that there’s a whole psychological component to weight loss. And I really want to help people. Maybe I should be a therapist? Maybe I should find a program that talks about the psychological side of eating? Or maybe spirituality? Maybe I should just work on the Dove Real Beauty Campaign. No, I think I should go to school to become a psychologist (cue google psychology programs). Crap, that would require 4-10 years of school… well that’s not happening….” The verbal diarrhea/brainstorming sesh went on like that for probably an hour.  

I concluded that I didn’t want to go to school for 4 years, but I did want to help women understand the psychology behind overeating and weight loss.  It felt like a dead end.  And then I just googled “nutrition school” or something like that and “The Institute for Integrative Nutrition” popped up on my screen.  I clicked, I loved, I called.

After a conversation with an admissions officer and a week of pulling the tuition together, I was signed up for their next session.  Just like that, the course of my life completely changed.  

Sitting at the coffee shop that day I felt like creating a life I really wanted was impossible.  But after just a few steps I was on a path to creating the most amazing career I could possibly imagine.  I work part time, make great money, work with the best women in the world and feel like I’m making a difference.  What could be better?

So here’s what I want you to do today in order to make your dream come true:

1. Start talking. Even if you don’t know where it’s going to end up.
2. Google.
3. Get a person who is in that industry, or does the thing, or lives in the place on the phone.  Pick their brain, see what it’s like.  Which brings me to my invitation….

I get A LOT of requests from women to grab coffee, so they can learn about how I got started. I wish I could say yes to everyone, but I pretty much say no every time.  Not because I’m bitchy and closed off, but because my priority is to help as many women as possible and if I’m having 1:1 coffee dates all day, I can’t do that.  But I want to help, and I love connecting with you so here’s the plan:

On Wednesday September 17th at 7pm ET/4pm PT I want to get on the phone with you and the other women in this community to talk about dreaming, goal setting, solopreneurship, the health world and how to make sh*t happen.  I think this conversation is so important because loving our careers is a HUGE key to Living More. And as you know, when you live more, food is no longer your only source of excitement, release and connection.

I’ll spend some time sharing more about what I’ve learned along the way and there will be a lot of opportunity for questions, so come ready! I’ve invited Blair from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition to talk a bit about their program because I am such a believer in this training.  The number of options for careers you have after school is incredible.  I’m calling it “Back to School Night with the Institute for Integrative Nutrition”.  It’s going to be super fun and I hope, really helpful.

Everyone who signs up for the call will also find out about an extra special surprise we have for you.

This could be the super easy step that sets off a domino effect to make your dreams come true. I hope you’ll be there.

You can sign up by clicking here, it’s free!

Love,

Sarah

PS. The Live More Weigh Less Challenge is BACK!!!  Sign up for this free two-week program here.