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Are you growing so fast you’re leaving your partner behind?

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Whenever I start a new round of my signature program, Live More Weigh Less Mastery the women are all concerned about one thing: losing weight.  And like clockwork, six weeks later, after they’ve actively created a life full of fun, are learning to love their job or are looking for a new one, working on their inner mean girl, discovering their purpose, honing their spiritual practice and sprucing up their look they are all concerned with one thing: I’m doing all this work on myself and my partner/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend is doing nothing. How do I get him/her to get their sh*t together?

Can you relate?

It can be a little scary, growing so much that you feel like you’re in this completely new space and you have no one to share it with because your partner is stuck in 2013.

All of the sudden you feel like

…they don’t understand you anymore.
…no matter how many times you explain to them what they should do to be happier they just keep doing the opposite.
…you’re no longer attracted to them.
…you wonder if you should be with this person anyways…

It’s a slippery, dark and twisted place to go, but if you’ve done any personal growth work, you’ve so been there.

I know it can feel like you’ve tried everything and talking to them about it is like banging your head against a brick wall, but I bet there’s one thing you haven’t tried.

When I first discovered the wonderful world of nutrition, self-help and spirituality I was a total junkie.  I went to lectures multiple times a week, joined groups, read tons of books and listened to audio lectures around the clock.  When Jonathan came home I’d tell him all the things he shouldn’t eat, ask him questions about his spiritual practice, talk to him about manifesting and asked him to meditate with me.  It didn’t go over well.  What I saw was a woman who was trying to share with her partner all the amazing things she was learning and he was being a resistant ass.  What Jonathan saw was a woman who thought he was broken and needed fixing.  Not a fun thing to come home to everyday.

What I was trying to do was fix him, drag him along and teach him.  It didn’t work.  I realized that when I was with my self-helpy friends I was the best version of myself.  I was grounded, thoughtful, vulnerable and accepting.  But when I was with Jonathan I was still naggy and unsettled.  Part of me wanted Jonathan to “grow” so I could be the same with him that I was with my new friends.

What I actually needed to do was just BE the new me around him without telling how to be different.  I needed to do less teaching and more showing.

Tweet it: If you’re growing so fast you’re leaving your partner behind you need to do less teaching and more showing.

I started to say things like “can I tell you what I learned today?” and I’d get all giddy and share with him how I wanted to change my life.  I talked about how happy I was, and how good I felt eating better.  I became easygoing, light and fun to be around.

Without the pressure to change, Jonathan slowly started to show interest in self-help.  He’d ask if he could read a book of mine or if I wanted company to a lecture.  I just appreciated him, said yes, and let him have his own experience.

A few months after this shift I asked him what changed and why he stopped being resistant.  He told me that I just seemed so happy and he knew that in order to be in a deep relationship with me, he had to get on board.

Now let me be clear, Jonathan never became some self-help junkie like me.  Where I’ve read 100 self-help books, Jonathan has probably read three.  But the key is that we are both committed to being happy.  I trust him to do it his way, which is more about going to the gym, working hard and watching football, and he trusts me to do it my way, which is about reading a lot of Marianne Williamson and going on retreats.

So here’s what I want you to do:

1. Understand the difference between men and women.  I drew some sweet pictures to illustrate my point.  When it comes to self improvement, women are all over the map.  One day we feel like we’re on top of the mountain looking down on our partner thinking, when is he going to get here?

pic1

The next day we’re back to eating cookies and cream ice cream out of the carton.  It can take different kinds of spirituality, a week long silent retreat, a new wardrobe and a reiki session to feel like we’ve “made it”.  As a gender, we are up and down, this way and that… and that’s what makes us awesome.

Men are the opposite, they pick a goal, chart out the best course and slowly, steadily march on.

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Although it may seem like we’re way ahead of the game, often you get to top of the mountain (your goals) at the same time.

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2. Stop teaching and fixing and start showing and sharing.  Be the best version of yourself, get vulnerable, talk about what makes you excited.  Lead by example.  Give no tips, ever.

3. If you do this for months and your partner is still stuck and miserable, I believe it’s ok to say something like this, “Babe, are you happy?  Though we are both going to go through down times, we owe it to each other to put in an effort to be happy so we can be great partners for each other.  Do you agree?  Do you want to be happier? What do you want in your life right now? (asking is key) It doesn’t matter to me what you do to be happy, but it’s important to me that you try.  I want this to be the best relationship it can be.”

In the comments on the blog I’d love to know:

1. If you struggle with this and 2. What are you committed to doing to help you feel like you’re not leaving your partner behind?

I can’t WAIT to jam on this with you.

Love,

Sarah

 

How to avoid having a threesome with Ben and Jerry

Whenever people tell me, “I just can’t stop eating, it tastes soooo good.”  I always know that they are using food for entertainment, happiness and FUN.  Think about it, if eating ice cream is the most entertaining thing you’re doing all day, without it your life is going to be super boring.  Even if you try to stop eating it, you’re going to find yourself, as Kate, a Live More Weigh Less Mastery Alum would put it, in a threesome with Ben and Jerry.

The key is finding your kicks somewhere else. You need to make your life so fun that food is no longer a highlight.

In order to make sure none of you have the excuse I hear so often, “I just don’t know what I like to do for fun”  I made a list of things to do here.  Enjoy!

Go to the movies
See a concert
Go to a museum
Walk on the beach
Meet a friend for tea
Wear red lipstick
Read a magazine in a hotel lobby in the middle of the day
Google “cute puppies”
Walk in the rain
Window shop
Arrange flowers
Take a dance class
Dance in your kitchen
Go to a comedy club
Skinny dip
Take a day trip to a neighboring town and explore
Wear heels to the grocery store
Knit
Paint
Sing
Have a slumber party
Tickle your honey
Read a book on your couch
Create a pinterest board of vacation destinations
Stretch
Go for a hike
Google “waterfalls near (your zip code)” and go.
Take a cooking class
Go sailing
Bowl
Have a black and white movie night at home
Host a vision board party
Do a cart wheel, or a summersault
Play your instrument
Learn how to tap dance
Check out your local flea market
Walk in the park
Fish
Feed the ducks
Go to a paint your own pottery place
Look through old photos
Call a friend you haven’t spoken to in years
Write a love note
Journal
Swim
Get your nails done
Get a massage
Ask your partner to massage your feet
Do any non-sexy activity (like your taxes) with your partner… naked
Get a professional blow out
Go to a wine bar and savor an amazing glass of red wine
Get your makeup professionally done
Learn a new hairstyle
Blow bubbles
Jump rope
Hula hoop
Go to a petting zoo or a pet store and hang with the animals
Visit a greenhouse
Throw a dinner party
Go to the card store and buy fun cards
Peruse an old book store
Rent a convertible for the day
Go on a horseback ride
Wear a funny hat
Play tennis
Have a bonfire at the beach
Go on a picnic
Build a teepee or a fairy house
Garden
Throw a little kids themed birthday party for a friend
Pretend it’s someone’s birthday at a restaurant
Play cards or a board game (my fave is Cranium)
Play Truth or Dare
Rent a cruiser bike with a basket… and buy flowers
Volunteer at a soup kitchen
Snuggle on the couch
Take a nap

Got some ideas?  In the comments below, I’d love to know what things on this list sound more fun than a threesome with Ben and Jerry, and what other ideas you have for us!

Can’t wait to hear from you.

Love,

Sarah

5 days to register for LIVE FREE + why you should break the rules

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Before I dive in today, I wanted to give you a heads up that there’s only 5 days left to sign up for LIVE FREE Sonoma.  So if you’re coming, it’s time to get it handled.  If you’re on the fence, just reply to this email with your questions and we’ll get right back to you.

The other day I was remembering a conversation I had with one of my Live More Weigh Less participants.  She was lamenting that she didn’t have any time to herself. Even though she knew that taking care of herself was key to weighing less, she was completely stuck on how to do it.

I was giving her a ton of ideas and options on our coaching call and she kept shooting them down.  Finally she said,

“Look, I have a 5 year old and a 3 year old, this is just the way it is.

In response I said, “That’s just the way it is… for most people. Are you most people?”

Of course, she agreed that she wasn’t “most people” and committed to creating a new paradigm and a new set of rules.  Together we created her ideal life.  Time for her, her relationship and her family, which all lead to her feeling so much happier and losing twenty pounds.  

How often do you tell yourself, “Well, this is just the way it is.”

I can’t get to the gym because I have to work late.
I can’t afford to go to Paris because I don’t make enough money.

I won’t find a boyfriend because I’m too fat.
I can’t start a business because my husband will never get it.
I can’t go to the spa because I have three kids.

SO MANY RULES! What if you decided to be a rule breaker?  What if there was actually a way for life to be full, easy and fun… even with all the responsibilities and obligations you currently have?

At LIVE FREE last year we had women…

Find the money to start her business without her husband backing her
Get a raise in a government job (?!)
Negotiate working 10 less hours a week in finance

Completely outsource all the life “junk” she hated doing, so she could spend more time on her business and with her kids

The list goes on… you can read (and listen) about some of the success stories here and here.

Is this easy to do? Absolutely not. Is it possible? HELL YES. But you have to decide that you are not like most people. You want more out of your life and you are willing to put in the work to get there.

As I mentioned, the deadline for LIVE FREE is only 5 days away and if you’re an ambitious woman who knows that creating an amazing life is your key to success, then we hope you’ll join us.

You can read all about the retreat and enroll here.

If you’re hoping to join us for LIVE FREE but haven’t RSVP’d yet (because you’re not sure of timing, finances, etc) hit reply and let us know where you’re at, so we can help you figure out the details.

Love,

Sarah & Nisha

Life as a New Mom & Deadline for LIVE FREE

I have decided that you have to be insane to have a child. Or at the very least have the stamina and stealth of a CEO of a billion dollar company.

Insane-CEO. I’ll take it, I guess.

When Marshall was four weeks old I told Jonathan, “I cannot believe that, like, MOST women have babies. That’s nuts.”  I have so much more respect for our gender. I had no clue.

The hardest part for me about being a Mom is that, when on autopilot, you have no life.

Me-time, working out, dates, showers, a social life get overtaken by diapers, breast feeding around the clock, bouncing, singing, cuddling, rocking… it’s all consuming and it’s easy to stay in survival mode hoping that someday, something will change and it will get better.

I remember, when Marshall was about six weeks, feeling so far away from myself and wondering how on earth I was going to find my way back.  Then I remembered — Oh yeah, I do this for a living.

Although I may seem like a weight loss coach, what I really am is a Life Curator. I help women create WAY better lives so that food is no longer their only source of happiness.  I took myself on as a client.

I made a list of all the things I needed in my life to feel human again: dance, working out, dates, time to read, lunch with the girls and regular massages.  I mapped out on a calendar my ideal week and then set to work to find a nanny who could watch Marshall while I do those things (before you throw your hands up and say, “Well I can’t afford a nanny” I’m going to address that so keep reading).  After some serious manifestation work, the perfect nanny landed in our laps (NICU nurse, midwife in training, calm, warm, loving) and I was off to curate my life.

Here’s what I’ve connected with so deeply in this process of finding myself again:

Life Takes Strategy.  

And when we think that life should just happen, or be easy, we find ourselves burnt out, bored, overwhelmed and flat.

I could easily see the effort to find a babysitter, so I can go to the movies with my girlfriends or get my nails done as a nuisance, but instead I see it as an act of dedication to myself, my marriage, my friendships and my son.  Because I know that when I’m happy and filled up, I am a much better mother.

And it’s important to know that this isn’t specific to mothers.  Creating the life you want with a career, family obligations, a relationship and a social life is hella hard, and takes some serious strategy.

So you may be thinking…

I don’t even know what I want.
I don’t have the money to hire a nanny, travel or do the things I really want to do.
I don’t know where to find the kind of support I need for my business or my family, so I have more freedom.

This is why we created the LIVE FREE Retreat in Sonoma California this fall.

In Sonoma this October we’re going to be:

1. Helping you identify exactly what you need in your life to feel happy, beautiful and in love (with yourself and your partner).  We’ll talk about activities, trips, experiences, downtime, self-care… where to get it, when to get it and how to fit it in to your specific life.  You’ll leave the long weekend with a new calendar and the resources you need to walk into your new life right away.

2. How to MAKE MORE MONEY so you can afford the support you need and pay for the experiences you want.  We are going to strategize with you on how much extra you need and exactly how you are going to add it to your bottom line.

3. How to manifest (spiritually and practically) the people you need in your life.  Women last year left the weekend with nannies already hired, housekeepers booked, business assistants in place. I can’t tell you how many times I heard, “I needed to find a (designer, realtor, therapist, dance class) and I found it and booked it during the retreat.”

And a lot more…so you can have the life you deserve.

Nisha and I have experienced first hand exactly what it takes to plan, pay for and execute your ideal life and we feel incredibly passionate about helping women create the freedom they desire.

The deadline to enroll in LIVE FREE is July 1st. You can read all about the long weekend and see if it’s the right fit for you here: LIVE FREE Sonoma.

If you have any questions just reply to this email and someone on our team will get right back to you.

Your life strategists,

Sarah (and Nisha)