• 28
    May 2015

    Are you treating your body this way?

    If you had to give your body a career, what would it be?  Would she be a professional hugger? A human maker? A pleasure seeker? An intuitive? An artist?

    Really. Think about it.

    Maybe she already is one of those things.  But… are you nurturing that career?  Or are you pushing her into being something different…

    A runway model. A clothes hanger.  A professional instagram selfie poster.

    In short…

    Are you skinny for a living?


    Here’s the deal.  I could be a size 4 if I really wanted to.  I could eat only vegetables, spend 2 hours at the gym everyday, pass up dessert on date night, skip the red wine and drink juice for breakfast.  I could do that, but it would take up all my time and energy. I would have to be skinny for a living.

    Now some people are naturally a size four, or naturally only want to eat vegetables and don’t like chocolate or wine, and that’s great for them.  And just because that is the body they were given doesn’t mean I need to want that, or that it should be as easy or simple for me (and maybe you) to look like them.  I was given this body, and love eating meat, freshly baked bread, warm chocolate chip cookies, red wine and going for a walk instead of lifting weights, and that is great for me.

    Now does this mean I don’t take care of my body?  Hell no.  I take impeccable care of my body. I move her regularly, eat a ton of vegetables and organic food. I take my supplements, get blood work done, drink green juice, get 8 hours of sleep and love her up.  I do the things that are easy for me, so that my body can do other things for a living like be a professional hugger, milk producer, babymaker, love maker, artist, singer and dancer.

    You are here to be so much more than a glorified mannequin for your clothes, and you have to live your life in alignment
    with that intention.  

    So I’m wondering, are you caught in the trap of being skinny for a living?  Have you been duped into thinking that it should be easy for you to be a size 4 because she is? Have you ever considered that this is YOUR perfect body as long as you are taking care of her in the way that comes naturally to you?  And once your body quits her job of being skinny for a living, what is she going to focus on next?  What is her dream career?

    I can’t wait to hear below:).

    Also, do you know someone who would love this message?  Make sure to share this post with them using the buttons below.  We need more women freed up to do their real work in the world.

    Love,

    Sarah

  • 21
    May 2015

    What does it really take to be sexy in your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s?

    Back in the fall, Redbook.com approached me to help them “rebrand motherhood” and I’ve been writing a series of articles for them on the topic. A few months ago they asked me to write about, “What does it take to be sexy in your 30’s, 40’s and 50’s.”  To be honest, I was a bit stumped, so I asked for some time to do “research” on the topic.  The process was amazing, and I learned so much about myself, my beliefs and what I truly believe it takes to be sexy as we get older and have children.  Now, let me be clear, I talk about what it means for ME, which may be very different than what it means for YOU, but my hope is that I can guide you to figuring out how you connect with your sexiness in this phase of your life.  I wanted to share this article with you here in case you missed the article or are new to this community, because it’s been one of my favorite topics to write about.

    image1-sexpost

    Here’s what I said on Redbook.com:  

    In 2014, I had my first child and turned 30 in the same year. I am under no illusion that 30 is old, but somehow the combination of having a baby and entering a new decade made me feel light-years away from my 20s.

    When I was in my 20s, how to be sexy was clear: Wear tight clothes, flirt, act frisky, strut, be coy. I had the “young and vibrant” thing down. And I enjoyed it. It felt authentic, fun, and enlivening. It kept my marriage fresh and my life interesting. And it seemed like overnight, after having my baby and turning 30, I had no idea what it really took to be sexy anymore.

    It didn’t feel right to act frisky. I didn’t want to act “young” or flirt with the guy behind the coffee counter. And I certainly was not into wearing tight clothes. It would’ve been easy to blame it on my body, which was no longer the compact yet curvy form it once was, but the reality was that my identity as a woman was being challenged.

    When I was in my 20s, I had role models for sexiness. Sure, they weren’t all great, but there was an abundance of young, fun, sexy, embodied, alive women I could emulate. Now that I am firmly planted in my 30s with a baby, I can’t find what it means to be sexy at this stage anywhere.

    In fact, I feel like it’s expected that sexiness is inappropriate or frivolous.

    Now, you may be wondering, is being sexy really that important?  In my opinion, yes, but probably not for the reasons you think. Many of us equate sexiness with being young, hot, and flirty. Is it important to be young, hot, and flirty? No. But I believe being sexy is so much more than that.

    Sexiness is about feeling alive. It’s about having a deep connection with what it means to be a woman. Feeling sexy gives us energy, makes us glow, and helps us attract what we want in life. It’s about being real—not about being fake. Tweet it: Sexiness is about being real—not about being fake!.

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    moveyourbodyimage

    So how exactly do we cultivate feeling sexy in our 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond?

    Sexy is moving your body. Whenever I’m feeling unsexy, I go to a dance class. Moving my hips and getting my blood flowing reminds me how amazing my body is. I love hip hop, but you can also try belly dancing, zumba, or ballet. If you don’t live in a place with dance classes, try dancing in your kitchen or buying an incredible dance DVD like this one.

    Sexy is not about what you look like, but how you feel. It’s so easy to look at ourselves in the mirror and think, There is nothing sexy about my body. But sexiness has nothing to do with how you look and everything to do with how you feel about about yourself. In my coaching program, Live More Weigh Less, I help women change how they feel about themselves by looking at what kind of life they have. Is your life monotonous, stressful, and rigid? Not sexy. Is your life full of joy, pleasure, and laughter? Very sexy. Having an incredible life gives you a swagger, a glitter in your eye, and a glow of power. It’s when other people look at you and say, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

    Sexy is for you, not for them. Somehow women have been taught that being sexy is for a man’s enjoyment. No, no, no.

    Not only do we not have time to worry about what everyone else thinks, but seriously? What a waste of time.

    Feeling sexy is about you enjoying your beautiful, wise self. It’s about loving the extra energy, having a love affair with life and relationships on your terms.

    Sexy is listening to your heart. There’s an old form of sexy that encourages being nice, going with the flow, and not being too loud. But I believe sexy is knowing and speaking your truth, listening to your intuition, and being bold.

    Being sexy, really, is being the most fully embodied, most alive version of you. Today, I would love for you share in the comments below what it means for you to be sexy. Take some ideas from this list and add your own. Life is too short not to enjoy the very best part of being a woman.

    I can’t wait to hear from you below.

    And, do you know someone who would also be into this during this part of her life?  Make sure to share this with them on social media using the buttons below or send them the link in an email.

    Love,

    Sarah

  • 14
    May 2015

    What to do when your man insinuates you could lose a few

    Picture this: We’re on our way back from Mexico. I had just gotten Marshall to sleep after an hour of singing, bottles, peek-a-boo and a blow out.  I felt like I just won the lottery.  I took some time to write out my ideal schedule for the next few weeks.  Jonathan peeks over my shoulder and asks me to share.

    “Well, on Monday, I’m going to go to pre-natal yoga, then work for the rest of the day, Tuesday is my day of meetings and calls, Wednesday I’m going to go to dance and then work at a cafe the rest of the day, Thursday morning I’ll have some down time… etc etc.”

    Then he says, “Ok, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way…”

    Okaaay…

    “But do you think you should maybe go to yoga five days a week, since you know, you haven’t been going that much?”


    OH NO YOU DIDN’T.

    “I MEAN, you were just a lot stronger during your first pregnancy, and I want this pregnancy to be easy for you.”

    No sh*t Sherlock, probably because when I got pregnant the first time I didn’t just have a baby like 10 minutes earlier. (If you’re new here, I’m pregnant, which happened when my first son was 9 months old).

    I was livid. And hurt. And felt like I weighed a million pounds.

    I just stared at him, told him I didn’t want to talk about it and locked myself in the airplane bathroom and cried.

    Here’s the deal.  Jonathan didn’t call me fat, to him mentioning going to yoga is like asking if I was going to get a massage this week, but given my history with feeling terrible about myself and equating being told to workout with needing to look a certain way, it felt so different than he intended.

    And, this wasn’t the first time we’ve had a version of this conversation, though it had been a while, maybe years, but it still kills me every time.

    Has this ever happened to you?  And maybe it wasn’t your husband, but a friend, your mother or your doctor.  If it has, you know the pain, the embarrassment and the intense anger.  I was in that bathroom for a while, deciding how to deal with this situation because I was clear I never wanted to feel this way again.


    Here’s how I handled it and what you can do next time you find yourself in this situation…

     

    ONE: FEEL ALL THE EMOTIONS. I felt shame, embarrassment and anger.  I was reminded of all the times anyone had ever commented on my weight, like they were all on the plane telling me how fat I was.  I was second guessing wearing my bikini all week, questioning my choices to not work out 5 days a week. I got small, and sad.

    TWO: GET STRONG. After I went to the place of feeling like a helpless, worthless ten year old girl, I tapped into my strong inner woman.  I got back into my seat, sat up straight and looked directly at Jonathan.  I talked for a long time and don’t remember everything I said but the energy was, “I am awesome, I am doing the best I can, and my body is my business. Period.”  I told him he was never allowed to make a comment about my body (unless it’s about how gorgeous I am), my weight, working out or food, ever, for as long as we live.  It is my domain, not his.  This conversation is off the table.  I told him how much he hurt me, how angry I was and how he made me feel.  Yes, all on the plane, crying, and speaking pretty loudly.  I wanted him to really get that this was unacceptable.

    THREE: UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY MEANT. Now, this is not about excusing their behavior and making it ok.  I believe that people should never meddle in your health, ever, unless you are at serious risk of hurting yourself or others, but I think you get that’s not what I’m talking about here.  However, understanding what they meant will help you feel better.  The reality was that Jonathan was not saying I was fat, nor was he telling me he wanted a trophy wife or that I was lazy (even though that’s how I interpreted it).  He was actually just wanting me to feel strong, so I can be comfortable during my pregnancy.  Does this excuse the comment? Nope. But it allows me to come back to reality.  The truth is that our partners need to be sensitive about how certain things make us feel, not just what they meant.  Just because they wouldn’t feel hurt if we said that to them, doesn’t mean they have permission to say what they want to us.

    FOUR: BE CLEAR ABOUT BOUNDARIES  Tell whoever it is in a strong confident voice, “My body is my business. period. You are never welcome to mention anything about this ever again, am I clear? If you do, we’re going to have to reevaluate our relationship.” Or something like that.

    It’s never easy to feel attacked or shamed by a loved one, even when they didn’t mean any harm, and 99% of the time they don’t.  It’s ok to be sensitive, this is just how you are and there’s nothing to be ashamed of.  We all have a history that makes us emotional around conversations like these, and we can all do work to be stronger and more self-accepting, but that doesn’t mean we can’t set some healthy boundaries with our partners.

    In the comments below I want to know, have you experience this before? And how you would handle a situation like this?

    And if you know someone who has struggled with this in the past, I hope you will share it with them by sending an email or using the social media buttons below.

    Can’t wait to talk with you below about this sensitive topic.

    Love,

    Sarah

Design: Jane Reaction. Development: Brandi Bernoskie.