• 11
    Jun 2015

    Ever feel like you’re “supposed to” have sex?

    We spend a lot of time in Live More Weigh Less talking about physical intimacy.  Intimacy with our partners, intimacy with ourselves, the potential of intimacy and our fear of intimacy.

    One pattern I see in my clients year after year, is a subconscious and sometimes conscious weight gain to protect themselves from being in the position of being desired.

    Have you ever found yourself in the position of feeling obligated to be intimate with someone before you’re ready?  Because you feel like you’re supposed to, or you don’t want to be a ‘tease’?  Do you think, deep down, you could be holding onto extra weight to protect yourself?  Do you find yourself worrying that you aren’t intimate with your partner enough and are constantly forcing yourself even though you aren’t in the mood?

    Last week on our Live More Weigh Less group coaching call “Ashley” came on and asked me a question that got me really fired up.  Ashley is divorced and hates dating.  She truly desires to find a partner but is uncomfortable dating for this specific reason…

    free-online-wrkshp-callout

    “Divorced men expect you to sleep with him on the second date. That’s just how it is.” She told me.

    Ashley’s natural response to this expectation was to stop dating because she didn’t want to have sex on a timeline, let alone a second date!

    I could go down the rabbit hole of whether or not this stereotypical male expectation of sex is true.  I do know that I hear a version of this from women all.the.time…. the pressure to sleep with someone, worried about being a tease, forcing themselves to sleep with their husbands even when they don’t want to etc. This is a widespread source of anxiety.  Here’s the truth: a man’s expectation becomes irrelevant when you set your own expectations and challenge the norm.  Being in a different space around sex and expectations will change everything for you, regardless of whether or not this stereotype of men expecting sex after certain behavior or a certain number of dates is true.

    How sex is like a sandwich

    Let’s look at it this way…

    Imagine a friend of mine came over for lunch and I put out a spread of sandwich fixings.  There were different meats, spreads, vegetables and a few different kinds of freshly baked bread.  I took a lot of time to make myself an amazing, beautiful sandwich.

    So we sit down and he says, “Wow, your sandwich looks delicious, can I have a bite?”

    “Sure!” You say because you’re happy to give your friend a bite of your sandwich.  It makes you happy to share a little bit of your lunch.

    Now imagine how you would feel if this happened….

    After your friend takes a bite he says, “This sandwich is SO much better than I thought.  It’s incredible!  Like totally blowing my mind.  Can I eat the entire thing???”

    First of all, NO! He cannot eat your sandwich, it’s YOUR sandwich.  You made an amazing sandwich so YOU could enjoy it. And second, wouldn’t you be completely confused and miffed that he would even ask?  Uh, yeah.

    So why is it that it’s so obvious that someone asking to eat our entire sandwich is ridiculous, and it would be so easy for us to laugh and say no, and someone asking to sleep with us sends us into an emotional tailspin?  I mean, the fact that we feel more ownership over a sandwich than over our bodies and emotional intimacy is CRAZY!!!!

    The fact that we feel more ownership over a sandwich than over our bodies and emotional intimacy is CRAZY!!!!

    Furthermore, this illustrates another great point that wanting something and not being able to have it is just part of life.  The stereotype of men thinking that a woman is a “tease” when she get’s dressed up, is flirty and into herself means that she wants to or is obligated to share her body, and when she doesn’t she’s in the wrong (aka a “tease”) is like saying I shouldn’t make a great sandwich, decorate my house, or raise amazing children because that is the same thing as saying, “hey, take, my house, my sandwich and my children!”  I see things everyday that I want, that are gorgeous and tempting but I don’t think I can just have it.

    Let me spell it out for you.  You NEVER have to do anything you don’t want to do, especially when it comes to sex.  You can show up on date after date looking hot and amazing and wearing whatever makes you feel ‘on fire’ and never feel obligated to take your clothes off.  Look hot and feel amazing for you and your enjoyment.  Give him or her a few “bites” if you want, but you don’t have to give him or her the whole thing until you desperately want to share your entire sandwich with them;).

    What I see over and over with my clients is when we feel back in control of our sexuality, we no longer need to dim our sexiness by holding onto extra weight.  We can be out and about in the world shining brightly because we know that no one’s expectations have any bearing on our own choices or behavior.

    In the comments below I would love to know, have you felt this way before?  What do you think about this mindset shift?  Do you have any other points of view or tips to add?

    Also, have you talked with a girlfriend about this before?  This may be a great opportunity to get into some solutions.  Make sure to send her this post by using the buttons below if you think she’d be interested.

    Can’t wait to talk about this in the comments!

    xo,

    Sarah

  • 04
    Jun 2015

    Do you want to be more creative but can never find the time?

    Do you ever feel like taking the afternoon off to scrapbook, enrolling in a photography class,  learning how to play the guitar or getting together with your girlfriends to craft is a waste of time?

    Maybe just in reading this right now you see the value in it.  You get that being creative and having fun is important, and I bet you wish you did more of it, and are probably planning on it… but, how long have you been saying that?

    And when you take a realistic look at your life and the past year, did the time you spend doing that stuff line up with your intentions and desires? I’m guessing, that’s a no.

    But, I bet you found plenty of time to watch TV, am I right?  What if you just traded one hour of TV a week for doing a creative project?  Can you imagine how much your life would change?  In case you can’t, let me tell you….

    When I am doing something creative like creating my own facial or mixing a love potion (sexy right? directions below) I get incredible ideas for my business, I feel more connected to Marshall, I feel more open and feminine around Jonathan and I just feel so much more relaxed!

    image-one-creative-post-sj

    And, when we take time to work with our hands, we tap into an ancient feminine wisdom that lives within us.  Using our hands and our bodies for more than just looking good in our clothes gives us direct access to our inner power, magic and intuition. Making a project, mixing up a potion or cooking a meal is like stirring the pot of our talents and letting new and amazing things come to the surface that have been dormant for a while.

    I recently spent the afternoon with my friend Becca Piastrelli of The Dabblist because I wanted to connect more with my inner medicine woman and artist.  Below Becca is going to walk you through how to do two amazing (and super simple) projects to help your inner alchemist, mixologist, witch and hippy come out to play.  She also has a special gift for you at the end.

    After you read through the projects and directions below, please put a time on your calendar to actually execute one or both of these projects.  The shopping lists and links to buy what you need are all here, and feel free to improvise!  You know I am all about action, because just wanting to do something isn’t going to change your life, you have to actually create time to do it (remember, trade in one hour of TV).  I know from experience, it’s worth it.

    becca-about

    From Becca

    Hello, you wise and creative woman!

    My name is Becca, also known as The Dabblist, and I believe that inside each and every one of us is a wise, creative woman just itching to play with her hands again and create beautiful things.

    You know that feeling when you start feeling bubbly excitement in your belly when you’re cooking a new holiday dessert recipe, arranging flowers for a baby shower, or running your hands over dried lavender bundles and then inhaling the intoxicating scent? It’s usually followed by an unmistakable urge to make something – anything!

    That’s you tapping into the ancient feminine wisdom that’s inside all of us, the wisdom that flowed through our great grandmothers when they used to gather at the table together to dye cloth with flowers and heal wounds with plants. And I’m here to help you tap back into that wisdom and realize that being creative doesn’t have anything to do with being like Martha Stewart or posting pinterest-worthy photos of your creations on your instagram feed.

    When we take the time to play with our hands and actually create something beautiful, we experience a greater connection with ourselves and the world around us.

    I could dump loads of statistics on you about how creativity and play improves your productivity and boosts happiness, but something tells me you already know that.

    What’s stopping you from being creative is time. Who has the time?

    Well, thanks to Sarah’s challenge of switching 1 hour of TV for a creative project, you do.

    And, lucky you, we’ve got 2 super fun creative projects for you to try…

    feather-wall-hanging-image

    Glitter-Dipped Feather Wall Hanging

    Who needs fancy art when you can make your own (and with objects found in nature to boot)? This wall hanging is fun to make with girlfriends and brings ancient natural beauty into your home. Mine is hanging in my living room and Sarah’s is in her office.

    THE SUPPLIES

    • Feathers – you can grab some at the craft store, forage for them in the wild, or grab these from amazon
    • Glue – Grab at your local craft store or here
    • Gold Glitter  -Grab at your local craft store or here 
    • Fishing Line  -Grab at your local hardware store or here 
    • Twig or branch – locally foraged
    • Scissors

    instructions-image

    INSTRUCTIONS

    1. Spread the glue on a small paper plate or paper towel.
    2. Pour glitter on a separate plate.
    3. Take each feather and dip both sides of the tip in the glue first and the glitter second.
    4. Gently let sit to dry for at least 30 mins.
    5. While the feathers are drying, take a look at your branch and decide how you want the feathers to be laid out. Do you want them all to the the same length? Varying lengths? Spaced close together or far apart? Let your intuition guide you here – don’t overthink it.
    6. Once the feathers are dry, cut the fishing line to be your desired length from the branch to the feather, leaving room to adjust if necessary.
    7. Taking each feather, tie one end of the fishing line to the base of the feather and the other end to the branch.
    8. Once each feather is attached to the branch, adjust the lengths as needed and snip off any excess line.
    9. You’re done! Hang your beautiful new creation in a part of your home that could use a little creative inspiration.

                                     Love Potion Elixir

     This potion is technically known as a cordial, which is an alcoholic herbal drink meant to be lightly sipped (in cordial glasses – you can find some great ones at thrift and antique shops) after a meal. You can put all sorts of delicious, nourishing herbal ingredients in a cordial (many of which you can find at your local grocery store).

    For this potion I made with Sarah, we were channeling our sexy inner sirens so the ingredients are aromatic, flavorful, and have aphrodisiac properties. Make it for a dinner party and you’ll have a hit on your hands.

    love-elixer-banner

                                                                               THE SUPPLIES

    Part 1 – INFUSE

    • 1 cup dried rose petals (I like to get mine from mountain rose herbs or amazon)
    • 2 vanilla bean pods, sliced and chopped (I order beans online as well)
    • 1/2 tsp powdered cardamom
    • 2 cinnamon sticks, broken into pieces
    • 1 tsp fresh ginger, peeled and chopped
    • 2 cups brandy (you could also use port wine)
    • Large clean mason jar with a lid

    Part 2 – DECANT

    I also love to look for decorating supplies on www.save-on-crafts.com.

    instructions

    INSTRUCTIONS

    Part 1 – INFUSE

    1. Fill your jar with the rose petals, vanilla bean, cardamom, cinnamon sticks, and fresh ginger.
    2. Pour the brandy over the ingredients, being sure they are covered by at least 2 inches.
    3. Seal the jar tightly and let sit in a cool, dark cupboard for a moon cycle (28 days), giving it a good shake every few days.

    Part 2 – DECANT

    1. Using a fine mesh sieve or piece of cheesecloth, strain the solid bits from the liquid into a measuring cup or bowl.
    2. Using a funnel, pour the infused liquid 2/3rds into the bottle(s) you want your final product in.
    3. Fill the rest of the bottle with the raw honey. This takes some patience as honey moves slowly, but it’s totally worth it.
    4. Seal the bottle and shake vigorously to combine the honey and infused brandy into your love elixir.
    5. Now the best part…decorate your bottle! We used baker’s twine, labels, and washi tape but this is another time to let your intuition guide you and see what you can create.

    Note from Sarah: Becca has crafted a special gift for you! It’s a video guide showing you how to create your own luxurious spa-quality facial in the comfort of your home. To get the video and printable guide, click here.

    Now, we’d love to know what you are going to craft this week.  Please post a picture on Instagram and tag us @thedabblist and @sarahjenks so we can see all of your beautiful creations.  Tag your friends and invite them to an afternoon crafting party.

    Share this post using the buttons below so the women in your life who have a knack for dabbling or love creating with their hands so they can join in on the fun.

    Photo credit:  Rosa Delgado Photography

    opt-in-spa-facial

  • 28
    May 2015

    Are you treating your body this way?

    If you had to give your body a career, what would it be?  Would she be a professional hugger? A human maker? A pleasure seeker? An intuitive? An artist?

    Really. Think about it.

    Maybe she already is one of those things.  But… are you nurturing that career?  Or are you pushing her into being something different…

    A runway model. A clothes hanger.  A professional instagram selfie poster.

    In short…

    Are you skinny for a living?


    Here’s the deal.  I could be a size 4 if I really wanted to.  I could eat only vegetables, spend 2 hours at the gym everyday, pass up dessert on date night, skip the red wine and drink juice for breakfast.  I could do that, but it would take up all my time and energy. I would have to be skinny for a living.

    Now some people are naturally a size four, or naturally only want to eat vegetables and don’t like chocolate or wine, and that’s great for them.  And just because that is the body they were given doesn’t mean I need to want that, or that it should be as easy or simple for me (and maybe you) to look like them.  I was given this body, and love eating meat, freshly baked bread, warm chocolate chip cookies, red wine and going for a walk instead of lifting weights, and that is great for me.

    Now does this mean I don’t take care of my body?  Hell no.  I take impeccable care of my body. I move her regularly, eat a ton of vegetables and organic food. I take my supplements, get blood work done, drink green juice, get 8 hours of sleep and love her up.  I do the things that are easy for me, so that my body can do other things for a living like be a professional hugger, milk producer, babymaker, love maker, artist, singer and dancer.

    You are here to be so much more than a glorified mannequin for your clothes, and you have to live your life in alignment
    with that intention.  

    So I’m wondering, are you caught in the trap of being skinny for a living?  Have you been duped into thinking that it should be easy for you to be a size 4 because she is? Have you ever considered that this is YOUR perfect body as long as you are taking care of her in the way that comes naturally to you?  And once your body quits her job of being skinny for a living, what is she going to focus on next?  What is her dream career?

    I can’t wait to hear below:).

    Also, do you know someone who would love this message?  Make sure to share this post with them using the buttons below.  We need more women freed up to do their real work in the world.

    Love,

    Sarah

Design: Jane Reaction. Development: Brandi Bernoskie.