Blog
Uncomfortable
Share
The prelude, part I
I just sat with a video of me transforming from my soft feminine self, to my edgy Scorpio self that I’m posting on Wednesday 🫣 and I immediately panicked.
Am I losing my mind?
Am I having a midlife crisis?
Shouldn’t Priestesses be more contained?
More proper?
Appear more stable?
Shouldn’t I be more consistent?
I mean, I’m almost 40. Get it together Sarah.
The voices of our brainwashing often feel like truth, but I know better now.
I believe that my ancestors were part of the burning times in Europe in the Middle Ages. A time when free, independent, free-thinking, sexually alive women were brutally tortured, raped, and killed for being themselves.
Since that time the moon, the womb, sensuality, independence, being outspoken, the color red, the color black, anger, rage, wild dance… the list goes on and on… have been demonized.
We’ve been told these parts of us are crazy, dangerous, and unhinged – and we don’t need to be related to people who were burned, this campaign was widespread and impacted every lineage on the planet. The truth is, it’s still woven into the fabric of our culture and beings.
We’ve been brainwashed to believe that any expression of who we are outside of the palatable, likable, “girl next door” is a sign that we’ve gone off the rails.
For so long, my experience of life was like having a wild horse in the basement.
Every once in a while, usually after a few glasses of wine, she’d get free and fuck shit up – not always in a good way – because I wasn’t present or conscious of her.
I knew that in order for me to be in integrity with walking a Sacred Feminine Path, I had to explore and integrate all parts of me – especially the ones that make me extremely uncomfortable.
And you know what, they make other people uncomfortable too, and standing in that fire is a big part of the work.
The range of my expression, and yours, is uncomfortable, but not crazy, there’s nothing more normal.
The range of my expression, and yours, is uncomfortable but not unstable, when we let out the wild horse and learn how to ride her, nothing teaches us how to be more balanced.
The range of my expression, and yours, is uncomfortable but not dangerous, when we light our own fires of our soul and learn how to tend to it, nothing makes us safer.
A woman armed with ancient wisdom and the resilience to be uncomfortable is unfuckwithable.
More to come…
Love,
Sarah
PS. What did this bring up in you? Just reply and lmk, I’d love to hear.
Read all messages in this series:
10 Comments
I feel I’m there now everything you said above I can relate to completely. That’s why my life feels uncomfortable & crazy because I need to learn how to embrace her in my life. I also found out on this spiritual divine life I’ve been living the last few years of unbrainwashing , I’m pregnant.
Wow, I needed to hear this! I learned about your work from my dear friend Michelle L. This is exactly the transformation I am going through right now as I approach 50. It was catalyzed last year and at first was blissful, then it got harder, more uncomfortable as people reacted to the “new” me. I am also a Scorpio. In fact, several astrologers have said they have never seen so much Scorpio in one chart! So I feel you on that piece. Thanks for sharing this experience!
As a nurse,I was trained in always finding comfort for others. Put on my scrubs, perfect hair, cover my tattoos to make the patient,families, doctors all comfortable with the way I looked. I hated it I inside but I felt if that is what is needed to ensure someone’s health and asafe work place,well that’s what I did. Then is swept into my home life andi felt like I was becoming with submissive housewife and that is NOT ME AT ALLL!!! I love being loud, goofy, outspoken, dance, and get a dirty!! I kept this side of my so closed in and scared to be my witchy sacred self due to being in the south you are claimed to be the “devil”. Well I am done giving a shit. I love people I love helping people, I love caring for people, I am not evil by my personality coming up to the surface. I am a crazy, wild, kind woman, and I’ll be damned if I let anyone stop me now!!!
I read your words and I FEEL their truth IN my body, ON my body! Thank you. I feel like I should tattoo this line on my body- A woman armed with ancient wisdom and the resilience to be uncomfortable is unfuckwithable.
At a bare minimum, I will seer it into my mind. You and Kelly are powerful women. Thank you. and let’s carry (and live) that Fuck Yeah energy forward.
Very powerful! Indeed I definitely felt so many of the words you spoke. Unfortunately I am unable to attach a picture. ” another time”
There was a book written about my family.
Blood In West Virgina.
I feel it in my blood. The way i think, respond, my fascination with the shadows. Three of my greats were witches who guarded the mountain. ” I personally feel I gate keep for the mountain”
One does not get to bypass their shit and go straight up to divine wisdom. This is something that has been killing me inside. I am surrounded by the stereotypes that being a healer is beautiful, always kind, comforting etc.
The Fu€k it is. The places I had the most profound Transformation was , incredibly dark, horrific,lonely and confusing AF. This place became my Forbidden Temple. The place I truly came to find my divine wisdom.
I have been afraid of being rejected, laughed at scared to loose everything i have worked so hard to build.
Being conditioned as well as many others that ” healing should be beautiful, love,and light, blah blah blah.
My truth had to come out. This simply isn’t me.
I am the ” strange & unusual ” I am the ” weirdo” lol & thats so fu€king freeing.
I am able to navigate the underworld in a way that feels like home.
The feeling of being enslaved, creating secret tunnels for those willing to follow me on a path so far deep within themselves feeling the pain sitting in the uncomfortable fragments of themselves.
One can build a solid foundation to successfully then start the journey to transcend.
I am truly prepared to sit with whatever backlash this causes. I have fully accepted doing this wild unconventional thing could possibly be the demise of my business..
Here’s to trusting the uncomfortable, and fully feeling whatever happens!
Hi Sarah, this brought up the reminder of an ever-present tension I feel between feeling very woo and witchy but also being raised in a traditional Christian home and trying to integrate the two. It also brought up feelings of fear in my own authenticity, as living true to myself has often necessitated people and situations to leave my life. I also thought a lot about how my ex-husband would shove me into a box of his liking, which was ultimately the undoing of our marriage as I outgrew the box. But co-parenting with him necessitates interaction and he is still, after 6 years, trying to shove me into that box in various ways. I suppose what it brought up most, though, is just a pervasive apprehension of the isolation and uncertainty that I feel is imminent if I really allowed myself to be the full expression of myself – which is all I’ve ever truly wanted, but also what I fear.
I’ve learned to live with my wild horse as well.. younger me went through its rebellion, denial, ignoring my gifts. As I’ve aged I’ve learned to accept and appreciate myself
That part about the wild horse in the basement and the glasses of wine that allowed her to be free… I feel that viscerally! It is as if I am trying so hard to hold it back and find myself feeling stifled, not my true self… then i let go after a few too many cocktails! Grateful to feel free… but like you said it isn’t very graceful most times. Wanting to let her out to run free w/o the booze and without the fear. To live from this place
I don’t hide who or what I am anymore. Yes it took losing my son to get this way totally but I got there.
Unfuckwithable…and yet they do, and they step in up a notch when I am unconscious and completely unaware.