Blog · Your Self

The Epilogue

I’m a total shit show. Left to my own devices I would probably blow up all of my relationships and never see my kids. I have addictive tendencies, can be pretty codependent, and will often operate from my wounding without catching myself. 

And I hate this part about me. 

Hate. it. 

I just really want to be a perfect, enlightened being who never fucks up, never hurts anyone or says the wrong thing. I wish I could be in constant harmony. 

But when I started studying Shamanic Astrology – one of the core elements of Holy Woman – I realized that as a Venus in Scorpio, I am actually here to touch the darkness. As a Wise Woman archetype in the 13 Moon Mystery School, my ceremony lineage, I am here to go all the way into the wounding to glean the lessons. As a Temple Keeper of Silver Fir in Rosa Mystica, my anointing lineage, I am here to root down so deep into hell (hel means womb in ancient Sumerian btw) so that I can stretch all the way to the heavens.

I received all of these pillars of myself in ceremony. They have been treasure maps to uncover who I am beyond the perfect, floral dress wearing, hostess with the mostest, stable mom, good wife – and they gave me permission to go into the dark.

But here’s the thing – I can’t get stuck there, as I said, I would, if I didn’t surround myself with people and practices who hold the light when I go into the abyss. My mentor, Elayne Kalila is on my speed dial. I am in ceremony with myself at least twice a day. Kelly sits with me in my dumpster diving. Jonathan holds the vision of my highest self. I have wise and sacred friends who track me and call me forward.

My practice is to love my darkness as my light, and to use it to transform, grow and deepen in my connection with the divine. It is a practice of receiving unconditional love from the Great Mother and learning how to unconditionally love myself. 

When I judge my darkness, I need others to tell me I’m ok – I source my love outside of myself, which means I will do anything, including abandon myself, for their love. 

And then I’ve lost the plot. 

How do we interrupt the pattern? We go all the way into the darkness (usually with a few trusted guides at our side) and love the shit out of the shit show.

If you are looking for a leader who has it all figured out, it’s not me. I’m not a guru, I have not ascended, I am not superhuman.

What I can promise is that I am deeply entrenched in the Mystery School of life. I pay attention to the soul lessons that are here for me. I show up for class every day. I fail, I learn from my mistakes and I don’t hold back. 

I am firmly planted in this path.

I am in the deepest devotion to the Goddess.

And I love myself unconditionally.

If you missed the live Unhinged Workshop yesterday, the replay is available here.



P.S. This is the final message in the Unhinged email transmission series. Thank you so much for being with us through the process. Kelly and I will continue sending Moonday messages each week, and we are committed to scribing them all from here on out. We love you. 

If you missed our messages in this series or would like to revisit them, you can read them here:









Unraveled, part one

Unraveled, part two



Unraveled, part three






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