Unhinged

Volume I

This was the last assignment I wanted to show up for. I had been up all night for weeks, running scenarios through my head. 

What if it works, what if it doesn’t. What if everyone thinks I’m crazy. What if I AM crazy.

Would this finally be the thing that sends my husband running for the hills, just completely over his insane wife?

Would I have to curl up in a ball and hide for the rest of my life if the world responds with a “no” to a truth that feels so entrenched in the fabric of my being?

How could I survive that rejection?

And yet, how could I survive never trying? Never saying anything? Never putting my truth out there? 

I decided that I would rather die knowing that I tried everything. That I said everything. That I never held anything back. 

I don’t want to die wondering what could’ve happened.

I feel this way regularly, and it never gets easier. The assignments just seem to get bigger and bigger. There’s more on the line, and more to gain.

But I don’t do it for the gain, I do it for the experience of free-falling into myself, knowing that even when the worst-case scenario happens — I’ve got me. I do it for the experience of being in the great mystery of life, for the feeling of knowing I am not in control and the only possible reason my bold risk paid off as if by magic.

What is true is that — I was born this way, AND so were you. But it was trained out of us both. 

I spent most of my life backing away from the hard stuff, shrinking, playing small, avoiding challenges in order to avoid rejection. And I missed out on so much.  When I wasn’t confidently walking through the fire of MY path, I was available to be manipulated to help other people with theirs. I got sidetracked, distracted, and waaaay off course.

One day I found myself in the last place I ever thought — a Sacred Feminine Ceremony. While sitting there, feeling at the same time massively out of place and more at home than I’ve ever felt, I heard “You aren’t who you think you are.”

Ominous.

Over time in Ceremony I asked myself the same two questions over & over “Who am I? Why am I here?”

I asked the Goddess to show me the movie of my life while my eyes were closed.

“Oh fuck no” I thought.

It’s too much, it’s too weird, everyone is going to leave me — my husband, my parents, my friends…

I knew I had to try, but every little discomfort sent me back to the starting line, and I got tired of living the same journey over and over. 

I had become a person who was measured, safe, quiet, realistic, normal, grateful for what she had, grounded in reality.

But I wasn’t growing, I wasn’t making an impact and I wasn’t living out the fullest expression of my soul.

I knew I couldn’t be both.

So I decided to do an experiment — I was going to be the thing I judged in myself the most — unrelatable, unrealistic, and unhinged. I was going to stand at the threshold between the life I knew and the life I wanted, knee-deep in fear, and walk through anyway.

But let me be clear — this was more than a one-time decision, it is a constant devotion, a skill to be developed, and the hardest work I’ve ever done. 

Once I mastered this skill, all I can say is that — I can’t believe how magical and otherworldly this human life actually is. 

I look around and I see so many women who are stuck in being careful, and even though we are on the same planet, in the same town, in the same room — our experience of life is completely different.

I am here to invite you into this life and share exactly how you can access the greatest experience of being alive, on purpose, and in your full truth.

Introducing

UNHINGED
We don’t need to be better. We just get to be weirder.

A free 90-minute workshop on the next Full Moon, May 23 at noon eastern.

Click here to sign up.

More tomorrow.

Love,

Sarah

PS. As we promised you in earlier messages this week, Kelly and I will be sending through scribed transmissions from the Goddess as they come through (weekdays at 6am eastern). If you sign up for Unhinged you will continue to receive this series, with some extra prompts on preparing for the live experience on May 23. 

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If you missed our messages this week you can read them here:

Uncomfortable
Unmarketable
Unrelatable